A parody of "Panama" by Van Halen, about Pamela Anderson.
lyrics
Note: This song is based on an idea from, and the opinions of, one of my best friends from High School & College, 'Miss Tricia', from back in the days when I was trying to get my friends involved with my comedy music under the band name "Luke Ski's Psycho Potpourri" (that name was dropped when I made my 3rd CD "Carpe Dementia"). The song features her and my other best friend, J. Styles, as we discuss spanktacular celebrity, Pamela Anderson. (Also, I'm embarrassed to admit I accidentally stole a joke from "the Simpsons" in here, and I cringe whenever I hear it. Can you pick it out?)
J Styles: Hey Luke Ski!
Luke Ski: Hey J Styles, what's up?
J Styles: I was flipping through the channels last night and you know what was on?
Luke Ski: Oh, what?
J Styles: The making of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!
Luke Ski: Oooh yeah!
J Styles: You know who was on the cover this year? Tyra Banks!
Luke Ski: "Tyra Banks! You left your toothbrush at my house!"
J Styles: Yeah, I taped it for you so you can watch it later.
Luke Ski: Thanks a lot man, I, uh, uh oh.
J Styles: What?
Luke Ski: Oh, here she comes.
J Styles: Oh boy here we go.
Luke Ski: Just let her vent for a while and we'll get through this in one piece.
J Styles: I gotcha man.
Miss Tricia: Hey!
Luke Ski: Oh, hi, Miss Tricia!
J Styles: How's it goin', sweetie?
Miss Tricia: All right, you can stop sucking up to me right now, you men! I'm here to express myself as a woman of the 90's, and I hired you two idiots to sing back-up, not make wisecracks!
Luke Ski: Boy did you get hosed on that deal.
Miss Tricia: What?
Luke Ski: Uh, I, I said nothing!
That slut makes me sick.
Only 35% of her body is organic.
Baywatch beach blanket bimbo.
I've seen less silicone in a pay telephone.
Don’t the men know it's all airbrushing, and special effects?
I'll wring their necks,
The next time I see them talking, gauking, watching, or even thinking about that, that,
Pamela! I hate that-
Pamela-ha! Lee Anderson, whatever her name is!
Pamela! Why can't she just die?
Pamela-ha!
Luke Ski: I would like to thank Trish for keeping us abreast of the situation
Miss Tricia: Shut up!
Struttin' across the TV screen,
She makes a teenage girl lose all self esteem.
Blonde hair, roots are brownish-red.
I've seen more realistic lips on a potato head.
Don't you know she's just some harpy, sent from straight out of Hell,
Made by Mattel!
Luke Ski: Let's go down to Toys 'R Us and get one for ourselves!
J Styles: I got your Kung-fu grip right here!
Miss Tricia: You, you two are gonna die!
Pamela! (Luke Ski: Stop drooling on the mic! J Styles: Oh, sorry.)
Pamela-ha! (Luke Ski & J Styles: Yakity-yakity-yakity-ehh-ehh-ehh!)
Pamela! (J Styles: I bet David Hasslehoff never wrote a song like this!)
Pamela-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Luke Ski: Rick Flair! J Styles: Woo!)
Miss Tricia: All those anorexic supermodel twits need to be destroyed and I'm just the woman to do it!
J Styles: What about Cindy Crawford!
Miss Tricia: I'll crucify her!
Luke Ski: Jenny McCarthy?
Miss Tricia: Death by catapult!
J Styles: Demi Moore?
Miss Tricia: Burn her at the stake!
Luke Ski: Kate Moss!
Miss Tricia: I'll put a lamp shade on her head and plug her into the wall!
J Styles: Kathy Ireland?
Miss Tricia: We'll have a blarney stoning!
Luke Ski: Alicia Silverstone?
Miss Tricia: I'll crush her!
J Styles: Cameron Diaz?
Miss Tricia: I'll smoke her!
Luke Ski: Anna Nicole Smith?
Miss Tricia: I'll make her marry O.J.!
J Styles: Ricki Lake?
Miss Tricia: Don’t you talk about Ricki Lake! Ricki Lake is a national hero! Now shut up! I don’t want to hear another word out of either of you two men!
Pam's hair dryer's running a bit hot tonight.
(Luke Ski: Have you seen Pamela's hair? J Styles: Yeah.)
She can barely see her toes from the implants in her chest.
(Luke Ski: I understand her hair was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright? J Styles: Really?)
I'd like to reach out, grab her neck and, pop her stupid dandelion head off.
My boyfriend, what a man, promised never to watch her again.
But that lair, saw "Barb Wire", so I set his head on fire now!
J Styles: Waaaaoooowww!
Pamela! (Luke Ski: Hey what about all those posters you got?)
Pamela-ha! (J Styles: Yeah, of Hugh Grant, Al Pacino, and LL Cool J?)
Pamela! (Miss Tricia: Did I give you permission to speak? J Styles: No.)
Pamela-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Pamela! (Luke Ski: Remind me to hide my Playboys when she's around.)
Pamela-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Pamela!
Miss Tricia: I'm done, you may drive me home now.
J Styles & Luke Ski: Yes dear.
credits
from Psycho Potpourri!,
released May 9, 1997
Lyrics & Vocals by the great Luke Ski
Engineered by Daniel Robinson
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
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