The Fanboy Christmas Collection

by the great Luke Ski

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This is a compilation of all of the holiday-themed fandom-based comedy songs I made between 2000 and 2011. Length: 40:29

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released November 29, 2013

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the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

I am a Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor at Cartoon Network. The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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Track Name: It's A Fanboy Christmas
(4 measure intro)

It's a fanboy Christmas, there's geek-dom in the air.
The comic shops and toy stores, are crowded everywhere.
Each dork and dweeb and doofus, does their holiday thing.
They form a nerdy chorus, and they all begin to sing.

(To the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth")
All I want for Christmas is my emotion chip,
Emotion chip, emotion chip.
All I want for Christmas is my emotion chip,
So I can have a merry Christmas.
Androids cannot feel merry,
Not to mention loving or affection.
If I do not get my emotion chip,
I will start an In-surrection.

(To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer")
Gowron got run over by a reindeer
On his way to fight the Dominion War.
Now he's drinking down his Christmas blood-wine.
In the curse-ed halls of Stovokor.

(To the tune of "Do You Hear What I Hear?")
Said the barkeep to his brother Rom,
'Do you 'ear' what I 'ear'?'

(To the tune of "Ave Maria")
Ave Jadzia… (Oh Jadzia…)
Cardi Muerto Trill Seis… (Gul Dukat killed you in the sixth season…)
Marc Alaimo Shmuck… (Geez, what a putz…)
Roho Polo Esta No-no… (That's what she gets for wearing a red wedding dress on a Star Trek show.)

It's a fanboy Christmas, at Ren fests and conventions.
We're sending all the fruit cakes, to alternate dimensions.
Bashir walked into the bar. "What would you like?", Quark said.
Bashir responded "Egg Nog", and Nog got egged in the head. (Smack! "Ow!")

(To the tune of "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer")
"Buffy The Vampire Slayer"
Made a really crappy film.
Luke Perry and Paul Rubens
Made the average viewer ill.
All of the Warner Brothers
Gave it a Tim Burton twist.
Now watch her kill on TV,
Showing off her ample acting ability!

(To the tune of "Angels We Have Heard On High")
Angel, you're a studly guy.
Watch out girls, he'll suck you dry. Oh…

(To the tune of "We Need A Little Christmas")
Mulder and Scully
Are on my rooftop, what have
They come here to see?
U.F.O. reindeer.
Is it Saint Nick? No, it's a
Big conspiracy now.
Cause we need a little X-Files.
We'll be overjoyous
When we fill our stockings
Full of paranoias.
So just send the Men In Black home
Because they annoy us.
We need a little X-Files now.

(To the tune of "Let It Snow")
Now my D.M. is a curmudgeon.
He trapped me in a dungeon.
I hope these dice will save my troll.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.
Now you may think my life is tragic
Cause I play with cards of magic
That cost me my eternal soul.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.

It's a fanboy Christmas, from Roswell to Missourah.
We're wishing happy Qwanzaa, to Sisko and Uhura.
Our Jewish friends have opened, the gifts that we did buy 'em,
The brand new Kosher Transformer, Optimus L'chaim!

(To the tune of "Hava Nagilah")
Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Iolias, Gabriel
Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Iolias, Gabriel
Herc is a demi-god, Xen' has a killer bod.
Iolias died, and Gabby cried, cause Joxer is a clod.

(To the tune of "The Dreidel Song")
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you're made of fluffy fur.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, we love to hear you purr.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you're really just a pain.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you ate up all our grain.

(To the tune of "The Hanukkah Song")
Get on your Taun-Taun-nukkah.
It's Star Wars Hanukkah.
You can hang out with Qui-Gon-nukkah.
On the Millenium Falcon-nukkah.
With a Wookie named Chewba-nukkah.
(Everybody:) Please help me Obi-Wan-nukkah.
So go see Episode One-nukkah.
And have a happy, happy, happy Star Wars Hanukkah!

It's a fanboy Christmas, the temperature is nippley.
So throw Aliens on the fire, with that new clone of Ripley.
The anime cartoon stars, are all getting along.
The dementites and dementiods are all listening to this song!

(To the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy")
Danger, danger young Will Robinson.
For Dr. Smith is coming Will Robinson.
I know you have been searching for Babylon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5).
You're hungry, have some fish heads, eat them up yum,
Eat them up yum, eat them up yum…
Linoleum… YEAH!

(To the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
I… saw Marvin… kissing Santa Claus…
Underneath the doorway… late last night…
(Door:) Please enjoy your trip through this door! Enjoy tonight's film, "It's A Wonderful Life!".
"It's A Wonderful Life"… Don't talk to me about "It's A Wonderful Life".

(To the tune of "The Chipmunk Song")
Christmas, Christmas time is here.
I hit the toy store each year.
Slip the stocker a twenty.
Action figures all for me.
At conventions, sell the girth.
I charge twelve times what they're worth.
Gee, this Christmas time is swell,
(Spoken:) Until all the little kids who want to buy the toys just so they can play with 'em all get together and hunt me down and catch me and kill me and then I'll burn in Hell!

It's a fanboy Christmas, and outside it's a blizzard.
So curl up by the fire, with your copy of Wizard.
Lara Croft's new Yule Raider, just might over-sex us.
And Wolverine is here to wish us all a merry X-Mas!

(To the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg.
The Batmobile broke its wheel, and the Joker got away.
Penguin spewed, Riddler's food, in Two-Face's cup.
When Catwoman soiled her litter, Alfred cleaned it up.

(To the tune of "Silent Night")
Silent Bob… Jay and Bob…
Hatchet men… is their job…
Just two pot prophets with some weird quirks.
Just two mallrats hassling clerks.
Always chasing Amy.
Smokin' snootchie bootchies.

(To the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
God rest ye merry Pokemon, inside your Poke balls,
Team Rocket, Jesse, James, and Meowth are here to wreck your halls.
No decorations will they hang, nor carols will they sing,
They're too busy Poke-Christmas Card collecting,
Stealing all that they can get from Burger King.

(To the tune of "Auld Lange Syne")
Should Voyager ever get home
And again see Earth's Sun shine,
Then you'll find me out on the town,
With my date, Seven of Nine.
It's a fanboy Christmas, no time to dilly-dally.
Get all the geeks together, cause it's time for the finale…

(To the tune of "The Twelve Days Of Christmas")
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my fangirl gave to me…
Twelve larpers larping,
Eleven filkers filking,
Ten apes from deep space,
Nine 'Doctor Who's,
Eight sweet transvestites,
Seven of Nine,
Six Ewoks dancing,
Five Cardassian lights,
(Picard:) There are four lights!
Four Starfleet Captains,
Three Star Wars prequels,
Two protocol droids,
And "there can be only ONE"
Sci-Fi channel on my TV!

(To the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas")
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
And a Trekkie new year!

(From "Twas The Night Before Christmas")
…and I heard him exclaim as he flew out of view,
'Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you!'

(From "A Christmas Carol")
Roddenberry bless us, everyone!

(From the Three Wise Men)
Push the button, Frankincense.

Parody lyrics by 'the great Luke Ski', © Luke Sienkowski, 2000 - 2003
Track Name: Christmas In Hogwarts
(sleigh bells, 8 measure intro)


What?… C’mon!… Everybody come on, and just throw your hands in the air! Everybody, throw your hands in the air! Everybody, just throw your hands in the air! Hogwart’s in the house! Lemmie hear you say Ravenclaw! (Ravenclaw!) Say Hufflepuff! (Hufflepuff!) Say Slytherin! (Slytherin!) Mandrake roots scream! (AAAHHH!!!)


It was December 24th at Hogwart’s school in the dark,

When I see Hagrid chillin’ with his Fang in the park.

I approached with a present, a chocolate frog,

Looked at his leash, oh my God! A three-headed dog!

But then caroling was Dumbledore and his hat,

And Ms. McGonagall, disguised as a cat.

Nearly-Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle had a blast

Telling stories about all the ghosts of Christmas past.

I head to Gryffindor and look because I gotta

Finish Christmas shopping with my friend Harry Potter.

The last gift he needed was Hermione’s.

We cruise to Diagon ‘na flying car with ease.

So I chipped in cash with Harry, the gift was hers.

An invisibility cloak and matching purse.

But when we got back we bugged, cause we hit the tree,

Which proceeded to beat the living bogeys from me!


(4 measures)


Dobby: Ron is sure going to be in trouble with his parents when he gets back to his house.


Who’s house?


Ron’s house!!!



It’s Christmas time for Gryffin’s teens.

Ron’s eating candy cane flavored beans.

Hermione floats ornaments of greens,

(Dobby:) And Harry shows his movies on big screens!

Dudley, Aunt, and Uncle get best regards

Hedwig dropped off three thousand Christmas cards.

Voldemort is writing Santa at this hour

Asking for Mordor’s one ring of power.

The books that we read are the books of Rowling,

Except for Mister Snape who just sits there scowling.


(6 measure bridge, scratchin’ with *Harry Potter sound bites*)


Gifts so great! A brand new Nimbus

Two-thousand-four broomstick for Quiddich.

Draco’s gift is a lump of coal,

And a book from Tom Riddle that’ll rule his soul.

There’s a matching sock. (Dobby:) Just for Dobby!

When a guest walks in from across the sea…

(Luke Ski:) Well my name is Luke Ski, dementia artist for hire,

and I’m-a roast my chestnuts on a Goblet Of Fire.

From the muggles of the world, it’s a message you hear:

“We wish you a Fanboy Christmas and Trekkie New Year!”


(4 measures, fadeout)


Ron, Harry, Dobby, Luke Ski: (randomly shouting) Hoo-ooo! Hoo-oo! Hoo-oo!… (continue until fadeout)
Track Name: It's A Fanboy Christmas 2: The Wrath Of Claus
(SFX: Jingle bells)
Santa: (laughing:) Ho Ho Ho! Oh, ho ho ho ho! (etc.)

(SOUND BITE: Serious music sting from “V for Vendetta”)

(V For Venison – a spoken piece based on “V For Vendetta”)

(spoken: V:)
Remember, remember, the 25th of December,
The reindeer and Rudolph and plot.
I see no reason the holiday season
Should ever be forgot…

…Fantastic fen, file in fast for this fanciful frolicking through fandom’s fabulous frivolities of festive times of the fantastic future! While first and foremost a fallacy, fear not as this farcical fop felicitates to you, “It’s A Fanboy Christmas II: The Wrath Of Claus”! Ho ho ho hooo!!!!

(music starts, same as intro to IAFX, leading into standard chorus from IAFX)

(Classic IAFX Chorus to start things off)

It’s A Fanboy Christmas, through Narnia’s grand canyons.
The Doctor and Mal Reynolds, are snuggling their companions.
And who’s that dressed as Santa? It’s merry Mr. Worf. (Worf: Ho ho!)
But he don’t need no elves in green, ‘cause he’s got a Red Dwarf. (Lister: Have some smeg nog!)

(intro music begins for “Darth Vader’s My Dad”, mini-skit is heard over it)

(MINI-SKIT – Anakin, the Red-Sabred Jedi)

Palpatine: Anakin, with your sabre so red, won’t you make the younglings dead?

(Darth Vader’s My Dad - to the tune of “Feliz Navidad”)

Darth Vader’s my Dad… Darth Vader’s my Dad…
Darth Vader’s my Dad, he told me after he chopped off my hand.
The Emp’ror’s comrade… Evil? Just a tad…
In black he is clad, like he’s in some sci-fi heavy metal band.
Why does he fulfil every scary Sith wish?
Why can’t he cool out with some dairy in Swiss Miss?
And now the rebels, they are very pissed, this
Station will get blown apart!

(Winter Wonder Woman - to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

Snow falls down, on Metropolis.
Who’s that girl, almost topless?
Fighting for your rights, in her satin tights,
Walking with a winter Wonder Woman.
She’ll lasso, get the truth, or
Smack around, Mister Luthor.
No pajamas on, this hot amazon,
Walking with a winter Wonder Woman.

See her showing off her bod, so curvy,
In her starry spangled underwear.
You might think that makes me kind of pervy,
But frankly I don’t really frickin’ care.

Later on, if my plan’s good,
She’ll see my Super-man-hood.
It’s her I’ll intrigue, ‘cause I’m in her league.
Walking with a winter Wonder Woman.

(MINI-SKIT - The Frosty Horror Picture Show)

Dr. Frank N. Furter: Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator! And step up the reactor power input three more points!
(SFX: RHPS Gitaur hook and thunder clap)
Frosty: Happy birthday!
Dr. Frank N. Furter: Oh, Frosty!

(Frodo The Hobbit - to the tune of “Frosty The Snowman”)

Frodo the Hobbit, was along way from the Shire,
Dodging orcs and crooks through a couple books,
Just to get to Mordor’s fire.
Frodo The Hobbit, was accompanied by Sam.
Helping Frodo out, he was short and stout,
Like a big ol’ Christmas ham.
There must have been some magic in that one ring Bilbo found.
For when Frodo held it up high, Gollum Knocked him to the ground!
(spoken: Gollum: The precious! Frodo: Aah! My hand!)
Frodo the Hobbit, is alive and doing fine.
Off in magic lands, using both his hands,
Just so he can count to nine.

(I Want A Classic Optimus For Christmas - to the tune of “I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas”)

I want a classic Optimus for Chirstmas.
Only that mighty autobot will do.
The big trailer truck, with cool accessories,
Not the robo-monkey flinging energon feces.
I want a classic Optimus for Christmas.
Not the one from Generation Two.
The one from the cartoon, that always saved the day,
Not the T-2 rip-off courtesy of Michael Bay,
Because we all agree he’s really gay!

(MINI-SKIT – It’s A Wonderful Curse)

(SFX: Bell ringing)
Little Girl: Do you hear that daddy? Every time a bell rings, an “Angel” rerun is shown on TNT!

(Simon And River Are Wanted Hoods - to the tune of “Over The River And Through The Woods”)

Simon and River are wanted hoods, on a Firefly ship they go, whee!
With Inara the hooker, and old Shpeherd Book, they are talking their orders from Zoe.
Simon and River help smuggle goods, like medicine, food, and more.
Wash said as he grinned, “I’m a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar!”

(Ruttin’ For Christmas - to the tune of “Nuttin’ For Christmas”)

I painted Mal’s brown coat turquoise. Somebody snitched on me.
Did naughty things with Wash’s toys. Somebody snitched on me.
‘Cause of River’s psychic power, Mal found out I spent an hour,
Spyin’ on Kaylee in the shower, Somebody snitched on me.

So, I’m getting ruttin’ SQUAT for Christmas.
Mal and Inara are mad. Gorram it!
I’m getting’ ruttin’ SQUAT for Christmas.
‘Cause Jayne here ain’t nothin’ but bad!

(MINI-SKIT – Twas The Jayne Before Christmas)

Wash: Cheer up, Jayne! Here, have a holiday treat!
Jayne: Fruitcake Oaty Bars?
Wash: Yeah! They make a man out any creature that’s stirring, even a mouse!
Jayne: Shiny!

(O Silly Knight - to the tune of “O Holy Night”)

(King Arthur:)
O silly knight,
Give entrance to this castle,
I seek the Grail,
And any other sacred trinkets.

(French Taunter:)
O Arthur King,
I fart in your direction,
Now go away,
Before I taunt your silly English Ka-nig-its!

(SFX: Cow Catapult)
(spoken: King Arthur & Knights: Run away! Run away!)

(The First, Joel - to the tune of “The First Noel”)

On the Satellite of Love, far above Deep 13,
Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo mock schlock on the screen.
During a holiday break from Doc Forrester’s worst,
Got a visit from the guy who was up there first.
Jo-el, Jo-el, Jo-el, Jo-el.
Is he conscious or sleeping, it’s so hard to tell.
Jo-el, Jo-el, Jo-el, Jo-el.
Far superior to Swayze or Kim Catrell.

(MINI-SKIT – A Pirate Carol)

Scrooge: You there, young lad, what day is it?
Cap’n Tom Smith: Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Pirates: ARRRR!!! (general pirate comraderie noises)
(music for “Here We Go A Plundering” kicks off)
Scrooge: Then I haven’t missed it, ya mangy bilge rats! Kungaloosh!

(Here We Go A Plundering - to the tune of “Here We Go A Wassailing”)

Here we go a plundering the coast on Christmas Day,
Here we go a plundering the Caribbean way.
When you’re with Captain Jack,
You’re like Santa with his sack,
‘Cept you’re taking all the presents, food, and rum, and every wench,
like a sexy, savvy, pirate Mr. Grinch! Yo-Ho Ho Ho!

(Sylar Claus Is Coming To Town - to the tune of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

You better watch out, and stay on your toes,
If you got strange powers just like ‘Heroes’,
Sylar Claus is coming to town.
With Mohinder’s list of genetic freaks,
He’ll haxxor their brains like internet geeks.
Sylar Claus is coming to town.
If Isaac paints the future, in comic books for free,
Why doesn’t Hiro just stop time, and go hang out with Stan Lee?
They’re saving the world, on N B C,
So please won’t you save the cheerleader for me?
Sylar Claus is coming to town!

(MINI-SKIT – It’s A Wonderful Leap)

Jimmy Stuart: Life just sucks. I’m gonna kill myself by taking a Quantum Leap off of this bridge.
(SFX: Quantum Leap body-inhabiting sound)
Jimmy Stuart: What in blazes?
Dr. Sam Beckett: Al, where am I? When am I? Who am I?
(SFX: Ziggy sound effects)
Al: According to Ziggy, there’s a 93.27% chance your name is Clarence, and you’re an angel-in-training sent here to keep Jimmy Stuart from killing himself.
Dr. Sam Beckett: Sir, don’t you see it’s a wonderful life? I’ll jump off this bridge myself to prevent you from doing it! What do you say?
Jimmy Stuart: Are you kidding? I’m on the bridge with Captain Archer! Can I have your autograph?


(You’re A Weird One, Doctor Phlox - to the tune of “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”)

You’re a weird one, Doctor Phlox.
Your character’s a crock!
You’re just a cross between Neelix and the Holographic Doc,
Doctor Phlo-ox!…
(spoken:) Your premise is so derivitively illogical that you got…
…bitch-slapped by Spock!

(Spoo Christmas - to the tune of “Blue Christmas”)

Londo: I’ll have a Spoo Christmas, without you…
Vir: Mister Mollari!
Londo: Quiet Vir! I’m singing!
I’ll have a Spoo Christmas, without you…
Vir: What does any of that mean?
Londo: Nothing, but how else were we going to work “Babylon 5” into this bit?
Decorations of, purple! On a green Christmas tree…
Others: Purple! Green! Purple! Green!
Londo: It won’t be the same, Vir,
If you don’t partake in little blue balls of meat!
Vir: Do the Vorlons celeberate Christmas?
Londo: No, I think they’re Jewish, they all seem a bit KOSH-er!
Kosh: Ugh, lousy pun.

(Exterminate – to the tune of “Gloria”)

(All vocalists are ring-modulated Daleks:)
E-e-e-e-e-e-exterminate!
Daleks hunt the Doctor!
E-e-e-e-e-e-exterminate!
With our deadly toilet plunger!

(MINI-SKIT – A Cthulhu Story)

Cthulhu: I, Cthulhu, the great old one, has returned to destroy humanity!
Kid 1: Hey Cthulhu! I dare you to stick your tentacles on this frozen flagpole!
Cthulhu: Spare me your childish jibes, for soon I will devour the flesh of the innocents!
Kid 1: I triple dog dare you!
Other kids: Oooooh!!!
Cthulhu: Very well…
(SFX: splotch!)
Cthulhu: (muffled:) There, you see- Stuck? I’m stuck! Help! I’m stuck to the flagpole! Get me off of this thing! Raphie! Ralphie! C’mon Ralphie! Help me get off of this thing! I’ll get you that rifle you want! I’ll eat your neighbor’s dogs!
Kid 1 & Other kids: (laughing)
(SFX: class bell rings)
Kid 1: Good luck devouring the world, squid-face!

(Have Yourself A Merri Fanboy Christmas - to the tune of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”)

Have yourself a Merri and Pippin Christmas,
Halflings full of mead.
Second-breakfast presents, mistletoe pipeweed… (spoken: But seriously folks…)
Have yourself a very Fanboy Christmas,
Every single day.
That next big convention isn’t far away…
Every trooper and Starfleet dude, eating Consuite food, and beer.
Doing things we ain’t speakin’ of, every weekend of the year.
(spoken: Jared: What happens at the con… Luke: You know it.)
Through the years, we’ve all become a family, so let’s make this vow.
Spread all the love, peace, and happiness you can endow.
And have yourself a Merry Fanboy Christmas, now.

(music changes to piano and tempo increase outro, just like IAFX, with these bit spoken over them)

(Twas The Before Fish-mas – a spoken piece based on “Twas The Night Before Christmas”)

And I heard them exclaim this last holiday wish;
“To all humans, so long, and thanks for all the fish!”

(MINI-SKIT – A Martian Story)

Marvin: Mr. Santa Claus! For Christmas, I would like an illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator!
Santa: You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!
Track Name: Black Friday
Big thanksgiving dinner, after quite the feast,
Watch a little football, and some home movies.
Bedtime comes for families, every Mom and Pop.
Alarm goes off at four a.m., because it's time to shop.

Winter coats and wool hats, just in case there's snow.
O'er the river and through the woods, to Wal-Mart we go.
Soon we'll be invading, busting down the door,
Led by all the hardcores who camped out the night before.

Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
Oh, what a joyous day!
When our consumer culture comes together, come what may.
Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
It brings us so much cheer
To help our nation's stores who have been in the red all year.

Mom: Excuse me, do you have any more of the exclusive Iron Man vs. Dora The Explorer playsets?
Employee: (sighs) Whatever's out on the shelves is all we have.
Mom: You're lying! Grab his legs!
Employee: What the?! Aaah!

New Nintendo System, just a hundred bucks,
So who cares if Grannies will get trampled in the rush?
Survival of the fittest, at the shopping mall.
Let there be peace on earth, and-
Shopper One: Get your hands off that Elmo doll! It's mine!
Shopper Two: F*** you!

Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
Sings forth the local news,
Because your love is measured by the items that you choose.
Black Friday! Chorus: Black Friday!
At Toys 'R Us it's keen.
They never call it Black Friday,
'Round there, they call it green!

Shopper Two: Give me that half price TiVo or I'll rip your f***ing spleen out!
Shopper One: Hey relax! What are we all so worked up over anyway?
Shopper Two: How am I supposed to know?! Jesus Christ!!!
Track Name: It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return Of The Magi
Santa: Ho Ho Ho! Now Dasher, now Dancer… (etc.)
YosemiteBear: Oh my god! Octuple Reindeer! All the way across the sky! It's so intense! What does it mean?

(Intro music starts)

Luke Ski: It means it's time for "It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return of the Magi"!

Opening Chorus
(same tune as the Choruses of the first two versions)

It's a Fanboy Christmas, the third part of the carol,
And now we're really scraping, the bottom of the barrel.
Insert a joke about Legolas as one of Santa's elves.
At this point we're just doing this to entertain ourselves.

Harry Potter's Jug Band Christmas
(to the tune of "Brothers" from "Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas", about the Harry Potter books/films)

Kermit: Hi Ho, everyone! And now Jim Henson and J.K. Rowling present, "Harry Potter's Jug Band Christmas! Yaaaay!

What awkward teens we are,
In training to be wizards,
Running from Voldemort.
He might tear out our gizzards.

Hagrid: Who wants a-mess-a Hagrid's barbeque?

Against the dark arts we'll defend.

Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Snowths: Doot doo, do do doo!
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Snowths: Doot doo, doot doo!

There's a hole in the bottom of the Horcrux.
Will this pubescent voodoo end?

Waldorf: What do you think of the magicians?
Statler: I wish they'd all disappear!
Statler & Waldorf: (laugh)

Wizards!

Ron: Harry, why is he so green?
Harry: 'Cause he's a-

Lizard!

Hermoine: Actually, he's a frog.
Kermit: Oh, thank you, Hermione.
Miss Piggy: Take this you Potter puppet pal! HI-YA!
Kermit: Glah!

Carol Of The Matrix
(to the tune of "Carol Of The Bells", about "The Matrix")

Neo's my name. Had hacker fame.
Met Agent Smith. What's the Matrix?
Found Trinity. She's into me. Dude, dude,
Here, take this pill. Soon, I felt ill. Dude, dude,
Real life is Hell. I'm Duracell. Dude, dude,
War with machines. Digital dreams. Dude, dude,
I'm feeling dread. Plug in my head. Whoa…
Now, what to do. I know Kung Fu?
Oracle fun. Says I'm 'The One'. Whoa… Whoa…
Feel like a goon. There is no spoon. Wyld Stallyns! Excellent!
Cypher's a prick. He played a trick. I am Keanu Reeves, I am a good
Morpheous gone. Let's get it on. actor, the girls think I'm cute.
I can do the limbo dodging bullets. I can do the limbo dodging bullets.
Birth of Jesus Christ for hacker zealots. Birth of Jesus Christ for hacker zealots.
I'm Superman. Sequel's the plan. Whoa, whoa…
Wish me good luck. Hope they don't suck. Whoa, whoa…
I saved the day. I am not gay. Whoa, whoa…
No way! Yes way!... Dude! Whoa… Dude!

Away On An Island
(to the tune of "Away In The Manger", about "Lost")

Away on an island, mysterious and green
Sit all the survivors of flight 8-15.
They're trying to flag down Santa in his sleigh,
But all of "the Others" have scared him away.
Now handing out cookies to lighten the mood
Is their jolly fat man who always says "Dude!"
Their "12 Days Of Christmas" is sung different than you.
4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

Up On The Buy More
(to the tune of "Up On The Rooftop", about "Chuck")

Up on the Buy More, dressed in black,
Volkoff's agents sneak attack.
Sarah and Casey whipped their tales
Through Morgan Grimes' Black Friday sales.
Set your eyes on retail spies!
You'll get pestered by Jeff and Lester!
Who got the Intersect through dumb luck?
Down in a flash is Nerd Herd Chuck!

I Saw V Ships
(to the tune of "I Saw Three Ships", about "V")

Sara: Honey, we have visitors!

I saw 'V' ships come flying in,
Across the sky, they all said 'Hi.'
I saw 'V' ships come flying in,
Are they a friend or an enemy?
And what was in those ships of 'V'?
Got human skin, but green within.
And what was in those ships of 'V'?
That hooker chick from "Serenity".

Little Tony Stark
(to the tune of "Little Saint Nick", about "Iron Man")

Well, he flies in the sky in a suit of red,
He's in full body armor, doesn’t need a sled.
Yeah, his girl Pepper Potts keeps things clean and calm,
So he drinks egg nog 'til he's totally bombed.
He's Little Tony Stark. Little Tony Stark.
He's Little Tony Stark. Little Tony Stark.
Ooh, ooh, Merry Christmas, Iron Man!
The Avengers comes out next year!
Ooh, ooh, Merry Christmas, Iron Man!

Must Be Pac-Man
(to the tune of "Must Be Santa", about "Pac-Man")

Who is the guy who's yellow and round?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man is the guy who's yellow and round!
Who eats ghosts with a chomp chomp sound?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man eats ghosts with a chomp chomp sound!
Who gobbles quarters when you move joysticks?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man gobbles quarters when you move joysticks!
Who's kill screen is 256?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man's kill screen is 256!

Luke, ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian:
256! Move joysticks!
Chomp chomp sound! Yellow and round!
Must be Pac-Man!
Must be Pac-Man!
Must be Pac-Man from Namco!

Here Comes Mario
(to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus", about "Super Mario Brothers")

Here comes Mario, here comes Mario,
Punch blocks, grab-a them coins!
Mushrooms and flowers give me powers
To kick Bowser in the loins.
Heard the Princess got me a present,
So I headed to her place and said "Wii!"
But when I got there, Toad said "Sorry,
Your gift's under another tree." Luigi: Mamma mia!

Here comes Mario, here comes Mario,
Holidays getting me stressed.
Can't buy games for my old school GameBoy.
What a load of D.S.!
Italian stereotypes these days
Don't-a get-a respect-a no more,
So me and Luigi are gonna go stomp
Those Goombas on Jersey Shore!

Devo: Why is the angel on top of your tree playing video games?
Luke: Well, every angel needs a Halo!
Glados: Who would like some fruitcake? It's so delicious and moist.
Devo: Sure, I'll…
Luke: No, Devo! The fruitcake is a lie!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Zombies

(to the tune of "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas", about the video game "Plants Vs. Zombies)

It's beginning to look a lot like zombies
Are out on my lawn.
Plant some sunflowers there to grow,
And soon the next thing you know,
You've got a botanical arsenal at dawn. Zombies: Of the dead!
So I'm gardening Plants Vs. Zombies.
Soon the squash will smash.
On PC or on Xbox live,
Productivity takes a dive
With this monster mash… Zombies: potatoes!
Soon we'll turn to Ash.
Ash: Gimmie some sugar plum fairies, baby!

The Pretty Little Dollhouse
(to the tune of "The Pretty Little Dolly" by Mona Abboud, about "Dollhouse")

The pretty little dolly can fight.
The pretty little dolly can sing.
After Topher programs Echo's brain, she'll do anything!

Echo: Did I fall asleep?
Boyd: Joss, for a little while.

The pretty little dolly can cook.
The pretty little dolly can spank.
It's your choice! Betty Crocker, or a dominatrix skank!

Echo: Merry Christmas!... Was I my best?

It's The Most Horrible Time Of The Year
(to the tune of "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year", about "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog")

It's the most Horrible time of the year!
With the evil I'm blogging,
And Moist sing-alonging, Captain Hammer will fear,
Because it's Dr. Horrible's time of the year! Mua ha ha ha haaa!

Penny: You might want to be on your best behavior.
Dr. Horrible: Oh? Why's that?

Bad Horse Santa
(to the tune of "Bad Horse Chorus" from "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog", about Santa Claus)

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!
He rides across the planet, with reindeer who can fly.
He's got a sleigh with presents sailing 'cross the sky.
But if you have been naughty, next morning you will cry.
Your only gift, a lump of coal, so being good should be your goal.
Santa, Santa, Santa, he's good!
The elven league of elves, is making lots of toys,
And he'll deliver them to the good girls and boys.
So go clean up your bedroom, and knock off all the noise!
You'll get a P.S.3 because it's "Ho Ho, Rudolph!" Santa Claus!

Dr. Horrible: You're right! Let's Santa-suit up! It's a brand new day!
Captain Hammer: No, it's Christmas day!
Moist: No, it's Felicia Day!

Zaboo Santa Claus?
(to the tune of "Zat You, Santa Claus?", about the webseries "The Guild")

Codex:
December night an',
The Knights Of Good are fightin'.
Put my game on pause.
At the window, who is it?
A Hindu Father Christmas? Zaboo: Hey Codex!
Zaboo Santa Claus?

Blades and Tink are having a brawl.
Vork rings a bell to get change at the mall.
Clare's at Game Stop, left her kids in the car.
And Zaboo wants to date my avatar.

Filled with glee, in
My world of R.P.G.in',
I found someone to join my cause!
Me and Sheldon will be beatin'
Fawkes / Evil Wil Wheaton!
And Zaboo… Sheldon: Game on!
…Santa Claus!

Cylon Toasters Start To Open Fire
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire", about "Battlestar Galactica")

Cylon toasters start to open fire,
Nuking humans off their land.
Caprica Six uses sexual desire
To manipulate Baltar by his gland.
Soon "By your command" will be heard throughout the Battlestar.
Filling colonists with fright.
Unless Starbuck finally leaves the bar,
They'll find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that ships with F.T.L.
Filled with Terminators will blow them straight to Hell.
But every cylon shouldn’t be decried,
'cause there might be a scared teenage girl inside.

And so I'm offering with care and ease
To folks who like the number 42,
Although it's been said through my dumb parodies,
Have a Fanboy Christmas,
And a Trekkie New Year,
Merry Christmas, to you.

Col. Tigh: If you think we're ending this frakking song down tempo, you're out of your Gods damn mind! Hit it!

Jingle Bell Spock
(to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock", about classic "Star Trek")

Ba-dump bump bump!
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell Spock!
Jingle bell guys on the Enterprise!
Kirk is off work, cruisin' neutral zones.
Have hot chocolate to warm your Bones.
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell Spock!
A snowball fight with Corbomite!
Merry is Harry Mudd in your eye! Sulu: Oh my!
The red-shirts survive! Redshirts: Yaaay!

The Mugato's getting blotto.
The Gorn make up the band.
Captain Pike's there in his light chair.
Khan has mistletoe for Janice Rand.
Pointy-eared logic Scrooge, follow a star.
Your holiday time's amok!
Here's an Orion Slave Girl gift for Pon Farr!
That's the jingle bell,
Scotty: Give 'er all ye got, commander!
That's the jingle bell Spock!

Devo: So now that you've done three of these, you're not doing any more, right?
Luke: Of course not.
ShoEboX: Really?
Luke: BAZINGA!
Ian: D'oh!
Chris: Peace on earth! Good will towards men!
Carrie: We are of peace, always!
Track Name: The Star Wars Chanukah Song
Star Wars is a serial of thrills.
Instead of one sci-fi classic, we get six crazy films (and an animated series).
Some actors of the Jewish faith are in these tales of Jedi,
And if Adam Sandler can amend his song, then why the Hell can't I?

Natalie Portman, sure isn't a shiksa.
She was elected Queen of Naboo just before her Bat Mitzvah.
Gave birth to a Jewish Princess, she was Carrie Fisher's Momma.
Mark Hamill's not a jew,
but he was the voice of the Hanukkah Zombie on "Futurama".
Some people thought Watto was, with his raspy voice and schnozzes.
Well he's not, and neither is Yoda, but it turns out that Frank Oz is!
Yoda: Jew or Jew not, there is no try! Hoo hoo hoo hoo!
Mel Brooks gave us "Spaceballs", made us laugh until we burst.
Harrison Ford is a quarter Jewish, and he shot Greedo first! (SFX: blaster fire)

Get on your Taun-Taun-nukkah.
It's Star Wars Hanukkah.
You can hang out with Qui-Gon-nukkah.
On the Millenium Falcon-nukkah.
With a Wookie named Chewba-nukkah.
Everybody: Please help me Obi-Wan-nukkah.
So go see Episode One-nukkah.
And have a happy Han Solo!
[Han: Laugh it up, fuzzball!]
Just kidding! Happy Star Wars Hanukkah!

May the force be with you, everybody!