Uber Geek

by the great Luke Ski

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about

"Uber Geek" is the long awaited 4th album by "the great Luke Ski", one of the young stars of "The Dr. Demento Show". This album, full of parodies of rap and pop music, pokes fun at various aspects of fandom, a subject which Luke knows quite a lot about.

credits

released April 26, 2002

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about

the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

I am a Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor at Cartoon Network. The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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Track Name: My Name Is Al Bundy
Hi! My name is, my name is, my name is…
Hi! My name is, my name is, my name is…
Hi! My name is, my name is, my name is… (Love and Marriage)

Excuse me, can I have the family in Fox viewing positions?

Gee shmoes, do you like TV shows?
One ones with the kids and a mother and a father and all the best he knows?
Well forget 'em, 'cause we all know that he blows,
And listen to my life story, called "My Three Woes".
A redhead who'd known me took me out for minestrone.
I got drunk and I woke up in a state of matrimony. (Oh no!)
Then soon Peg said "Al Bundy, to bed we went." (We did?)
"We had sex and bred, now I'm pregnant." (Aaaah!)
First came Kelly who's dumber than grape jelly,
Followed next by Bud who's love life is Hell he'd so often tell me.
Add fill-in my dog Buck who's just chillin', (Ruff!)
And now you know exactly how I got to be Married With Children.
I sell a lifetime of shoes, and I always lose,
Got the permanent blues, and bad hygene like Beetlejuice. (It's showtime!)
This channel sucks! (Dad, wait a minute, this is our station!)
I don’t give a crap, Fox sent me to syndication!

Hi! My name is (what?), my name is (who?), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (huh?), my name is (Peg?), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (Al.), my name is (AL!), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (Dad.), my name is (Daddy!), my name is… Al Bundy!

I once scored four touchdowns in one game at Polk High,
But now I cry, selling shoes to hippopotami.
A Schaumburg Mall is now my prison.
Dealing with these women who look like Godzilla is giving me an aneurism! (roooar!)
Peg hangs with Marcy, with the last name of Darcy.
She acts like a chicken, with a body built like parsley.
Married to Jefferson. Pretty boy house husband.
We go out to a nudie bar and spend all of Marcy's tens!
"Psychodad" was the name of my favorite program.
We watch reruns of it at the meetings of N.O. M.A.A.M..
I come home from work and find Peg on the sofa.
She says she'll make dinner after her marathon of Oprah.
I can't enjoy my "Big 'Uns" 'cause my daughter's in the centerfold.
Each shoe I ever sold has added to my getting' old.
I called Dr. Kevorkian to help me 'cause my life is wrecked,
But he wouldn't accept my call from 1-800-COLLECT!

Hi! My name is (what?), my name is (who?), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (huh?), my name is (Peg?), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (Al.), my name is (AL!), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (Dad.), my name is (Daddy!), my name is… Al Bundy!

Help me, she wants some more sex from me! (Oooh Al!)
Peggy please, can't you see that I'm watching the TV?
I can't tell what Buck thinks, because he's not translatable.
Bud's brain is debatable because his last date was inflatable.
He once thought his Grandmaster B image was the way to go,
But all the girls saw right through it like a plate window.
Peg bought me underwear that's all made of wool.
I drive to work in my Dodge, but it can't outrun a lame Yugo.
Peg shops with all the money I got.
And when she stops, she'll eat bon bons right out of the box.
I'm lookin' around for my baby pumpkin', but she's not here.
She's out picking up all the Chicago sailors at Navy Pier!
My kids are driving me completely insane in the head.
But they're Bundys, so I'll stick by 'em 'til the day that I'm dead.
I love my Peg, (yeah, that's right) and it's safe to say I'd rather have her,
Then do some stupid show like "Unhappily Ever After".

Hi! My name is (what?), my name is (who?), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (huh?), my name is (Peg?), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (Al.), my name is (AL!), my name is… Al Bundy!
Hi! My name is (Dad.), my name is (Daddy!), my name is… Al Bundy!

I'm Al Bundy, yes I'm the real Bundy, all you other Al Bundys just ain't that damn funny.
So won't the real Al Bundy please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up?
Yeah I'm Al Bundy, yes I'm the real Bundy, all you other Al Bundys just ain't that damn funny.
So won't the real Al Bundy please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up?
Track Name: Fanboy
(4 measure intro)


Well I'm-a packin' up my swag and I'm-a head outside,
Where real women call me 'dork', then gag, and go hide.
Take a ride to 'Toys 'R Us'. Bust on in.
Buy a Mace Windu and a QuiGon Jinn.
Yeah I'm a kid at heart, just like Anakin.
A looney bin I am in, with kin Harley Quinn.
Get a pin with a motto sayin' "Xena For Prez",
Then spend my pay on dispensers of Pez.
Go hang out at the Cons. Renaissance Fests.
Watch Anime chicks with with inflatable breasts.
"You Might Be A Trekkie?" Heh, sit back and watch,
As the 'Uber Geek' goes and kicks it up a notch.
Turn to the letter 'F' in your dictionary,
And add this word to your vocabulary.
Take a look, cuz' I'm the real McCoy.
Dammit, Jim, I'm not a doctor, I'm just the definition of a

Fanboy, baby!
I'm in nerd overdrive, I will always survive.
Fanboy, baby!
Feel so alive, watching Babylon 5!
Was born to be a fanboy, baby!
Makin' best friends, with a robot, Bender!
Fanboy, baby!
I never give up, and I never surrender!
(Spoken by Luke:) The truth is out there? Heh, Scully, you can't handle the truth!

I got this funny little gadget, when I open my fridge, it goes
(Star Trek whistle) Like Kirk's on the bridge.
QAPLA, POONG-CHOH CHEH, GAGH, PTOCHS!
Bill Gates was cool, but now he just sucks.
Play Doom and Quake, on Microsoft.
Get a map to the Tomb, find Lara Croft,
And if the pixel's right, then I'm-a Raid 'er *mmm-hoy!*
And let Sony Play 2-K, know why they call me a

Fanboy, baby!
Spend my time wantin' Seven of Nine!
Fanboy, baby!
Won't stop 'til the PokeMon are mine!
Was born to be a fanboy, baby!
(Spoken:) Oh, so what do you think, you know the force better than I do?
A Star Wars freak, yeah, you won't find an odder one.
I'm a Jedi master, and you are merely just a

Pad-it-awan, you're dumb, just like, Jar Jar Binks,
A Jawa said uteeni, so go suck a Wookie.
Pad-it-awan, you're dumb, just like, Jar Jar Binks,
A Jawa said uteeni, so go suck a Wookie.
Pad-it-awan, you're dumb, just like, Jar Jar Binks,
A Jawa said uteeni, so go suck a Wookie.

Yeahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Kid Spock, quotin' all the Treks.
Got a mind more powerful than Professor X.
Drink a case of Jolt cola down, like mother's milk,
And sing a song that makes you say "What in the filk?!"
Patrol, stake vampires, just like Buffy.
Roll the dice, win the fights, with the Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
M.S.T. three-thousand up until midnight,
then I paint my lips red, for "Sweet Transvestite!" UHH!
King doofus. Spaz, like Jerry Lewis.
My comic book collection's wider than the Su-ez.
Fun, like Sailor Moon is. Suave, like Dr. Who is.
I like They Might Be Giants and Moxy Fruvous.
R.P.G. and D. & D..
Kevin Smith's makin' a film about me.
I ain't no jock, I'm just a regular jerk, all
American zero, the ultimate Urkel.
Girls would ignore me and give me no credit, but now I
Tell 'em all to suck my (RADIO EDIT),
And when I die, at the hour eleven,
I'll shout to my father in heaven, twenty-seven, I'm a

Fanboy!!!
I'm in nerd overdrive, I will always survive.
Fanboy!!!
Feel so alive, watching Babylon 5!
Fanboy!!!
Spend my time wantin' Seven of Nine!
Fanboy!!!
Won't stop 'til the PokeMon are mine!
Fanboy!!!
Makin best friends, with a robot, Bender!
Fanboy!!!
I never give up, and I never surrender!
Fanboy!!!
Watchin' Deep Space Nine and… heh heh.
Track Name: Use The Force
(We hear a large group of people standing in line waiting to see the movie, discussing their Star Wars merchandise, and for some reason Beavis is there, saying weird things…)

Beavis: Ai'aight? Ai'aight? Ai'aight? I am ai'aight if you are ai'aight. Ai'aight? Ai'aight? I'd be better, if I get some of that bunghole. Ai'aight? Ai'aight? Yeah! Yeah! Ai'aight? Ai'aight? Ai'aight?

Flavor:
Sixteen years and, fans are cheerin'. Prophecizin', merchandizin'. Buggin, Funnin', Twelve-O-One and the great Luke Ski says start the friggin' movie!

Luke:
4, 5, 6, 1!

Chuck:
It's a Star Wars prequel! Lucas, no equal.
He put out some serial non-sequential sequels!
Two Jedi were sent to the blockade, and resume the tradin'.
But it's run by the Sith, no longer a myth.
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stowaway, marathon, so run, forest, run!
Viceroy stinks! (MEESA JAR JAR BINKS!)
An Urkel frog man, who rarely thinks.
He took 'em down to Gunga. Underwater wonder.
The city's undersea, so they'll never need a plumber.
A shortcut, planet core, GODZILLA!
They splash through to Naboo, guess what's up?
The Queen is annoyed, got captured by a droid.
The Jedi once deployed made the robots null and void.
R2-D2 will set the course.
If you're not too hoarse, shout "You got to use the force!"

Flavor & S1Ws:
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Ben!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!

Chuck:
Once again back on Tattooine.
Looking for parts to save the flaming Queen.
Mind tricks! Mind tricks! Watto, no!
The ship and the slave are the stakes to wage on the race.
So let the race begin!
Young Anakin's pod tethered to two jumbo jet engines.
Sandpeople on the left (UAAH!)
And Jawas on the right (UTEENI!)
Sebulba saw the light of Wiley Coyote's plight.
He freed Ani Skywalker. Darth Maul, stalker.
Left C3PO, he's still naked though.
Couruscant is the place with no parking space,
And the Senate's in freeze with all the E.T.s.
They're all in Jeopardy, like all the audiences guessin'.
They know the answer, but they're dying to find out the question.
But no quarrelin' about the moral. What it is, of course? Ha!
You got to use the force!

Flavor:
Help me, Obi-Wan! Help me, Obi-Wan! You're my only hope, help me Obi-Wan!

Luke:
Louder!

Flavor:
Help me, Obi-Wan! Help me, Obi-Wan! You're my only hope, help me Obi-Wan!

Flavor & S1Ws:
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Ben!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!

Chuck:
And when the sum of Gungan's army is done,
And Darth Maul's winning against Qui and Obi-Wan,
And Anakin's in space fightin' nemesis,
Just say "I HAVE A BAAAD FEELING ABOUT THIS!"
Yeah, bad feeling.

Flavor:
Bad feeling, damn right! My Anakin is a bad mother-

"Blasted" Bill Putt:
Shut yo mouth!

Flavor:
But I'm talking about Skywalker! He's the man!

Chuck:
Hey Yoda, say it once for the chosen one!

Yoda, Flavor & S1Ws:
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Ben!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!

Chuck:
The council of Jedi led by Mace Windu and Yoda told Ani,

Yoda:
I sense much fear in you.

Chuck:
Midichloriens, up the wazoola,
So he's got more force than George Lucas got moolah.
Meanwhile, Amidala, fed up with the Senate.
Though taboo, to Naboo, to reclaim her lost power.
Darth Maul arrives, red and yellow eyes.
Insane clown, horniest guy in town.
His double light sabre's got Jackie Chan flavor.
He impaled Qui-Gon, which enraged Obi-Wan.
And when the fight ended Obi could plainly see
That now Maul's not half the man he used to be.
Ani wacked the station, Gungans elation.
Yay for Amidala! Who'll rule Anakin's power?
The movie's through. What to do?
Line up for Episode Two! Ha!

Flavor:
Yeeeaaah!

Chuck:
You got to use the force!

Flavor & S1Ws:
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Ben!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!

Yoda, Flavor & S1Ws:
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Ben!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!

Yoda:
Yeeeeaah, boyeeee! Hoo hoo hoo hoo…

Flavor & S1Ws:
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Ben!
Use the force, use the force, you gotta use the force!
Use the force, use the force, use the force, Luke!
(faded out)
Track Name: In The Line Again
(2 measure intro)

(two theatre employees talking… Are they still out there?… Yes, look at ‘em, they’ve all been sitting out there on the curb for weeks! All of this just for a movie?)

In the line again.
Now here I am waitin’ in the line again.
To prove that I’m the biggest super “Star Wars” fan,
I proudly sit and wait in the line again.

In the line again.
I lost my job back ‘round day nine or ten.
My sweetheart left, my love just didn’t understand,
But I’ll find a new love here in the line again.

In the line again.
To be the first to see the film is my intention.
Here with all my friends.
Yeah, we’ve formed right here a single file convention.
Just feel the tension. (Oooh! I can’t wait!)

We’re in the line again.
Discussing rumors from the internet.
Like Justin Timberlake is playing Boba Fett. (What?)
That’s what we do when we’re in the line again.

(bridge – Luke Ski and another fan talk about internet rumors:)

(What other rumors are there?) Well let me turn on my laptop with cellular modem and log onto w-w-w-dot “spoil it for the rest of us” dot-com… Ah! Here we go… Senator Palpatine does commercials for Viagra… (Whoa!) Mace Windu’s wallet is called “Bad Mother Jedi”… (Cool!) Obi-Wan to sing medley of sappy love songs to Amidala on top of a giant bantha… (Really?) In Yoda’s fight scene, he quote, “On their candy asses the Smackdown I layeth, yes!”… (Huh?) To increase his popularity, Jar Jar Binks becomes a Sith Lord and kills N’Sync… (Wow! Is all that for real?) Well, if it’s on the internet, it must be true! (Yeah!)

In the line again.
We’re a band of nomad fanboys on the streetside.
Here in my pup-tent,
I got a GameCube with Rogue Squadron Two in hi-fi.
This is Sci-fi!

In the line again.
I’ll get the scoop on what happens to Anakin.
Been waiting here since the last movie reached it’s end.
I got no life waitin’ in the line again.
But that’s my life waiting in the line again.

(A theatre owner comes out and addresses the line:) Okay you geeks, slowly, one at a time, we will now start seating for Star Wars, Episo-GAAAHH!!! (We hear the crowd trample him as they stampede into the theatre.))
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Sudden Death - Peter Parker
Now Peter Parker popped pictures, for J.J.’s rag,
In a radi-o-ac-tive science lab,
When a-long came a spider, who bit now he,
Is web slingin’ and swingin’ through N.Y.C.!
Now Spiderman he, was so cocky,
And all he wanted, was to buzz T.V.,
But after Uncle’s murder it, made him see,
With great power comes, responsibility.
And now criminals, all around the town,
Will turn tails, and scatter, when they hear this sound:

(9 measures, DJ scratches, Spiderman Theme is sampled)

Now Peter Parker’s, an embarker, known as Spiderman,
But Norman Osborne’s, gotten darker, in his corporate plan,
After he took a serum, wild delirium,
Out to kill Spidey, and everyone near ‘em.
On his Glider, throwin’ bombs, Green Goblin, he be illin’!
So with timin’, Spidey’s climbin’, stoppin’ crime and all the villains.
Scorpion, Hobgoblin, Kingpin, Rhino,
Venom, Carnage, Doctor Ock, and Electro.
Loves his Aunt May, Mary Jane, yeah he’d like, to meet her,
Get the girl, save the world, and his name is Peter!

(8 measures, DJ scratches, Spiderman Theme is sampled)





It goes a one, two, three, hit it!
Spidey’s like the X-Men, as I was told,
Mutant powers and such, he’s brave and bold.
Like Xavier, who’s the savior, of the babes like Rogue.
Her and Storm, will make you warm, while they both stay, in vogue.
And there’s Jean Grey, to see her play, will make you say,
God damn that Stan Lee made my day.
Cyclops’ vision, is beamin’, Magneto is schemin’,
Yeah he’s dreamin’, of reamin’. Toad’s a little demon.
Logan “Wolverine’s” powers, will heal all his wounds,
When he fights, with claws, ‘gainst Sabretooth.
Now Reed can stretch, for a mile or more.
He’s the mister of, the Fantastic Four.
With Invisible Sue, and a Thing that’s orange.
Just don’t get scorched, by the Human Torch.
Get Banner mad, you’ll shout ‘egad!’
He’s the big green Hulk, whose temper is bad.
He’s the big green Hulk, in your neighborhood.
Hulk SMASH something SMASH, he SMASH something GOOD!

(2 measures, DJ scratches)

There it is!

(12 measures, DJ scratches, 6 measures in we sing our own version of the Spiderman Theme)

Hey Devo, let’s break it down.
All right.
Spiderman,
Yeah! Spiderman,
Uh-huh! Spinning webs from here to Japan.
C’mon! See him there, swingin’ higher.
Homeboy looks like Tobey Macguire!
Look out!
The Spider house rules!
Here comes the Spiderman!
Bone Saw is ready! Oooh yeah!

When Captain America, has adventures,
He calls upon the Avengers.
Iron Man’s armor, and with Thor’s hammer,
Soon Victor Von Doom, is in the slammer. (sl-, sl-, sl-, sl-, sl-, sl-, sl-, sl-, slam!)
Silver Surfer’s all shiny.
Daredevil’s cool, but he can’t see.
Do they compare? None of them can,
To your friendly neighborhood Spiderman!
Huh!

(8 measures, DJ scratches, Spiderman Theme sampled)
(fadeout last 4 measures)
Track Name: Bender Roboto
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO.
Domo arigato, Bender Roboto,
Hai B-E-N-D-E-R!
Domo arigato, Bender Roboto,
Nihao my Futurama!

You’re wondering who I am.
(Bender, Bender, his name is Bender!)
A machine with beer in hand.
(Bender, Bender, his name is Bender!)
You say I’m crude and crass.
(Bender, Bender, his name is Bender!)
Bite my shiny metal ass!

I drink alcohol
Cause it recharges
My cells of fuel.
As for my cigars,
I smoke them because
It makes me look cool.
I used to bend things
For a living.
I kissed it goodbye.
Now on a spaceship,
I’m cooking grub for
A meatbag named Fry.
My best friend is Fry
The delivery guy.
Watch Leela fly
With only one eye.
Bender: Heh, heh… hey, I’m pretty good!

I am a robot
With some emotions,
Like lust, sloth, and greed.
I’ll cheat at blackjack
And get some hookers,
All at sub-light speed.
I’m loud and lazy,
Rude and obnoxious,
But still, I’m the tops.
I show up for work
Just to have some place
To hide out from the cops.
I’ll bust you in the chops
If you call the cops.
That includes you pops,
Ah, cheese it! The cops!

<Nibbler eating noise>

Put magnets on my head.

(Bender, Bender, his name is Bender!)
I’ll sing like Grateful Dead.

(Bender, Bender, his name is Bender!)
Electrodes get me stoned.

(Bender, Bender, his name is Bender!)
If Fry finds out, I’m boned.

Prof. Farnsworth: Good news everyone! We’ve gotten to the part of the song where I get to sing!
Bender: All right, Professor, give it a shot.
Prof. Farnsworth: Domo arigato, Bender Roboto, Domo.
Bender: Domo…
Prof. Farnsworth: Domo.
Bender: Domo…
Prof. Farnsworth: Domo arigato, Bender Roboto, Domo.
Bender: Domo…
Prof. Farnsworth: Domo.
Bender: Domo…
Prof. Farnsworth: Dice up a toe-mah-toe, Bender Roboto,
Gangsters call him “Blotto”, Bender Roboto,
Bus driver named “Otto”, Bender Roboto,
On this show he’s not-o, Bender Roboto,
Thank you very much, Bender Roboto,
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
For doing the illegal acts that I want you to,
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
And thank you very much, Bender Roboto,
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
For fixing up my back by bending me in half,
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
Prof. Farnsworth: Thank you.
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
Bender: Here, how’s this? <crack!>
Prof. Farnsworth: A little more, thank you.
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
Bender: Hah! <crack!>
Prof. Farnsworth: A few degrees back the other way, thank you.
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOTO,
Bender: <crack!> There, how’s that?
Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes. That’s it.
DOMO ARIGATO, BENDER ROBOT,
Bender: Okay, I’m singin’ now.

The problem’s plain to see.
You humans annoy me.
You’re stupid and you smell.
Just go to robot Hell.

<Impressive, they’re busting mad rhymes with an eighty percent success rate.> <Will you guys shut up? I’m trying to look cool!>

The time has come, my fans,

(Secret, secret, he’s got a secret!)
To tell you all my plans.
(Secret, secret, he’s got a secret!)
You might be shocked by this.

(Secret, secret, he’s got a secret!)
My true agenda is…
…to KILL ALL HUMANS!!!
KILL ALL HUMANS!!!
KILL ALL HUMANS!!!
KILL ALL HUMANS!!!

Bender: Nah, I’m just kiddin’, you’re all right!
<end of Futurama theme>
Bender: Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?
Track Name: Theme From Ash
Pikachu: Pikachu!

Jessie: Prepare for trouble,
James: Make it double,
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation,
James: To unite all peoples within our nation,
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love,
James: To extend our reach to the stars above.
Jesse: Jessie,
James: James,
Jessie: Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light,
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight,
Meowth: Meowth, that's right!

Issac: Who’s the PokeMon kid that’ll battle you when he flips his lid?
Singers: ASH!
Issac: Dang right!

Issac: Who is the lad, whose Bulbasaur will beat you bad?
Singers: ASH!
Issac: Can you dig it?

Issac: Who is the boy, who masters the collectible toy?
Singers: ASH!
Issac: Right on!

Meowth: They say that Ash is a bad mother…
Jessie & James: SHUT YOUR MEOWTH!
Meowth: I’m only talkin ‘bout Ash!
Jessie & James: Than we can dig it!

Issac: He’s a complicated dude, but no one understands him but his Pikachu.
Singers: ASH KETCHUM!

Singers: Gotta catch ‘em all! Gotta catch ‘em all!
Charizard: CHAR!
Singers: Gotta catch ‘em all! Gotta catch ‘em all!
Psyduck: PSY?!

Jessie, James, & Meowth: Team Rocket’s blasting off again!…
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Chemele - Wannabe A Slayer
(*Opening Buffy theme sound bite*)

Way down in Sunnydale, shiny happy Sunnydale,
Yeah down in Sunnydale, spooky scary Sunnydale,
Right at the mouth of Hell, things are really not that swell,
Cause there's creatures that impale, so if you want to prevail
You gotta (*punch*), you gotta (*punch*), you gotta (*punch*), you gotta (*punch*),
You gotta really really really wanna kill a vampire!

If you want a future, learn from the past.
Buffy is the chosen one, of the Slayer cast.
She faces evil, like Spike and Dru,
But she is the slayer, she knows what to do.

So tell me what to hurt, what to really really hurt.
I'll tell you what to hurt, what to really really hurt.
You gotta (*kick*), you gotta (*kick*), you gotta (*kick*), you gotta (*kick*),
You gotta really really really wanna be a slayer.

If you wanna be a slayer, you gotta protect your friends. (Gotta protect your friends!)
That's why Willow and Xander, haven't met their ends.
If you wanna be a slayer, you have got to train.
Slayin' ain't too easy, you cannot be too vein.

Now what you think about that? Now you know how she feels.
Angel is her one true love. Their love's for real. (Their love's for real.)
She'd be real tasty, on Angel's fangs.
That's why when they hug, he gets those hunger pangs. (*Grr!*)

So tell me who to love, who to really really love.
I'll tell you who to love, who to really really love.
You gotta (*kiss*), you gotta (*kiss*), you gotta (*kiss*), you gotta (*kiss*),
You gotta really really really wanna be just like Buff.

If you wanna be a slayer, you gotta get it on the first take. (Gotta get it on the first take.)
Gotta ask those tripped out vamp boys, 'How'd you like your stake?'
If you wanna be a slayer, you need a watcher like Giles. (Watcher like Giles.)
His idea of a good time, is sorting through his files.

Spike: Now, here's the story on the gang Scooby.
There's Tara and Cordy, and also Dawn and Wesley.
You got Oz in the place, with fuzz all on his face.
You got Willow, yes, she's the techno-witch and
Xander, he's in love with Anya. She's a demon lady.
(*smoke, exhale*) And I'm Spike, you'll see me
Looking pretty tough, light up and take a puff,
Turn my head and scoff, then tell you to "Sod off!"

If you wanna be a slayer, you gotta switch networks fast. (Gotta switch networks fast.)
Gotta tell those TV suits that, quality costs cash.
If you wanna be a slayer, you gotta be home by Dawn. (Gotta be home by Dawn.)
Don't hog all the Glory, have Faith, and you'll live on.

If you wanna be a slayer, you gotta (*punch*),
You gotta (*kick*), you gotta (*kiss*), you gotta (*Grr!*), you gotta-
Must have stylish hair. (*Argh! Argh! Argh! Argh!*)
Slam a demon down, and stake him to the ground.
Slam a demon down, and stake him to the ground.
(*sound bite of staking vamp*)
Slam a demon down, and stake him to the ground.
Slam a demon down, and you'll save the town.

Spike: C'mon love, you wanna go out for a bite, with ol' big bad? Hey! All right! Put Mr. Pointy away! (*smoke, exhale*) Ah, bugger this!

If you wanna be a Slayer!
Track Name: I Am A Vamp Of Constant Sorrow
In constant sorrow, through Angel’s days.

I am a vamp, of constant sorrow
I’ve seen blood- shed all my days
I, bid farewell, to old Ireland,
The place where Darla sucked my face
(The place where he sucked Darla’s face)

Angelus was my name, soon I sired Drusilla
Then that loon sired Spike, the British stud
And the four of us traveled the world as one family
Just like the Bradys if they drank blood
(Just like the Bradys if they drank blood)

For, over 100 years, I was causin trouble.
A gypsy’s curse, my soul was found.
Remorse in this world, I seek redemption.
I have my friends to help me now.
(He has his friends to help him now.)

Cordelia thinks, my clothes are gloomy
Perhaps her vision, makes her scorn.
But when Gunn, Wesley and Fred help me fight evil
I’ll sing this song, along with Lorne,
(We’ll sing this song, along with Lorne)

At Wolf-ram and Hart, all their demon lawyers
Would rule the world if given the chance
So, I’m bound to save, their helpless victims.
Now, I’m just weeding out the vamps.
(Yeah he’s Joss Whedon out the vamps.)

Grrr! Argh!
Track Name: Who Let The Frog Out?
It's "the Muppet Show", with our very special guest stars, the Baha Men! Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!…

Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?

Scooter: Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mister Kermit!

Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to the party,
Fozzie: Thank you, thank you, and thank YOU!
The Muppet Show!
Please welcome Fozzie, telling some jokes.
Fozzie: Wocka Wocka Wocka!
The Muppet Show!
Suddenly, Miss Piggy, she tries to kiss me.
Miss Piggy: Oh, mon cherie, Kermie! (*Zip!*)
The Muppet Show!
In zips Gonzo, and she smooches his nose.
Gonzo: Kissy kissy! Miss Piggy: Hi-yah!
Statler and Waldorf shout out,

Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?

Bunsen: Dance for us, Beaker!
Beaker: Me me me me me me me!

We got Rowlf on the piano, but when we need to rock,
We got a band that's totally mental.
Electric Mayhem, Dr. Teeth,
Floyd Pepper, Janice, Zoot, Animal!

Animal: WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN WOMAN HA HA HA HA HA!
Floyd: Down, Animal, Down!
The Count: 1, 2, 3, 4, (*thunder*) ah ah ah ah ah!

Down on Sesame Street, I see Bert and Ernie.
Bert: (laughs) Ernie: (laughs)
Tickle Elmo!
And furry Grover serve food to the man.
Grover: Hey, give me a number nine, Charlie!
Tickle Elmo!
But when Big Bird went to visit Oscar,
Oscar: Hey, you big turkey!
Tickle Elmo!
The Grouch promptly told him that he had to "Scram!"
Oscar: SCRAM!
Elmo: Ha ha hee hee ha ha hee hee!
I hear Telly shout out,

Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
(simultaneously in the background:) Mama, Dada, Poopoo, Shewawa! Mama, Dada, Poopoo, Shewawa! Mama, Dada, Poopoo, Shewawa! Wah, Wah Wah Wah Waah!
Gonzo: Come on Rizzo!
Rizzo: I'm going as fast as I can!

Now Gonzo, he dates Camilla chicken, she say:
Camilla: Buk buk, buk buk buk buk, bgok buk, bgok buk buk!
The Swedish Chef cooking dinner for us, he say:
Swedish Chef: Her dersky flurska do, herdy flersky, bork bork bork!

Swedish Chef: Put du chicky en de basky! Hey you chicky! Get in de basky!
Camilla: (clucking in fear)

Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
(simultaneously in the background:) Mahna Mahna, doot doo da doo doo, Mahna Mahna, doot doo doot doo, Mahna Mahna, doot doo da doo doo, Da doo doo, da doo doo, da doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo doo doo!
Pepe: Don't forget to mention Pepe, okay?

From a tiny little Doozer, to a Snuffalupagus,
It was all one man's invention.
Who let the frog out? It was a
Genius by the name of Jim Henson.

Clifford: Break it down Kermit!

I am Kermit the Frog. I grew up in a bog.
I dance my cares away, way down in Fraggle Rock,
I found a Dark Crystal in a Labyrinth,
I got it from a Bear inside a Big Blue House.
Gonzo: Whoopie!
Out on a Farscape I met a Storyteller,
who told a story about Dinosaurs, the baby sayin' "Not-the-mama!"
Baby Sinclair: Not the mama!
And at the end of the day, I wave my arms and I say "Yaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!"

Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Sweetums: Hey! Wait for me! I want to go too!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Sam the Eagle: You are all WEIRDOS!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
We'll see you next time on the Muppet Show! Yay!
Who let the frog out?

Cookie Monster: Oh look! A big pile of Cookies!

Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?
Hi-ho! Hi! Ho! Hi-ho!
Who let the frog out?

(simultaneously in the background, Cookie Monster:)
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of cookie, yummy!
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of cookie, yummy!
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of cookie, yummy!
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of cookie, yummy!
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of cookie, yummy!
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of cookie, yummy!
Me wanna cookie, gonna eat a lot of...

Statler: You know what the only thing missing from this rap song is?
Waldorf: What's that?
Statler: The letter "C"! HA! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Waldorf: Doh! Ha ha ha ha ha… Word to Big Bird.
Track Name: Keanu Man
(We hear members of the All-Keanu Choir talking to each other)

It's three o'clock on a Saturday.
The matinee show up ahead.
I was a young boy sitting in a movie theater,
Seeing a film about Bill and Ted.

TED: Iron Maiden?
BILL & TED: EXCELLENT!

They said, wow, the adventure was excellent,
And the sequel soon showed at the mall.
Found out later the fact was that one of the actors
Was not even acting at all.

ALL-KEANU CHOIR: Dude dude dude, dude dude dude…
Dude dude, dude dude dude dude dude…

Act in a film, you're the Keanu man,
And you'll be a big movie star,
Just as long as you're playing a brain-dead valley boy,
Cause that's exactly what you are.

KEANU: Hello. I am Keanu Reeves. I am a movie actor. All the ladies seem to think I'm cute. Some of the men do too. But I am not gay. I am Keanu Reeves. And I'm cute. Give me a dollar.

Now Hollywood saw he was handsome,
And the girls all wish they were his wife,
So they signed him up quickly for flick after flick
Though he couldn't act to save his life.

KEANU: Pop Quiz? Okay, I'll take Pepsi!

Yes, in "Speed" he was a hot shot detective.
A coincidence there through and through,
Cause while fifty was the speed that the bus traveled at,
It turns out it's also his I.Q..

ALL-KEANU CHOIR: Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah…
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah…

Act in a film, you're the Keanu man,
Act as if you actually can.
You showed "Dracula" just how damn dumb you are when
You said, "Dude, you're pale, go get a tan!"

KEANU: I have a band now. It's called "Dog Star". Here's a hit song! "I love you dude, dude, dude! I love you dude, dude, dude! I love you dude, dude, dude!" We're pretty good huh?

In "Devil's Advocate" you tried to act southernly.
Al Pacino laughed right in your face.
And in "Johnny Mnemonic", you were so moronic,
With your head filled up with cyber-space.

KEANU: I know Hong Kong Phooey!

Now Keanu makes films like "The Matrix",
And the movies make millions of bucks.
Packed in the cineplex, they watch special effects,
While they all say his acting still sucks.

ALL-KEANU CHOIR: Whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa… Whoa!
Whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa…

Act in a film, you're the Keanu man,
Your redemption's so simple you see.
Just call up your old friend Alex Winter and then
Go and start filming "Bill and Ted, Three"!

BILL & TED: EXCELLENT!
TED: Bill, I can't believe we're starring in "Bill and Ted Go to Mars"!
BILL: Yes, it promises to be a most triumphant film!
TED: Let's start our big interstellar concert!
BILL: I am Bill S. Preston Esquire!
TED: And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan!
BILL: And we are,
BILL & TED: WYLD STALLYNS! (guitar sounds)
Track Name: C'mon Ride The Bus
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it!
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it!
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)

Twenty years ago, the world was making a fuss
About this brand new song, and yo, they called it 'the Bus'.
So of you want to hear the tale of how the song prevailed, just listen up.
September 14th, (1980!)
Al said to Dr. D, (Hey Doc!) "Hey Doc, listen to me.
I got a new song!" "Did you say a new song?" Before too long
Al met the drummer known as Bermuda.
He was a rockin' dude, no duh. He said "I'll keep the beat for ya'."
Joined by the crew who loved to lose it. (Ha haa!)
They couldn’t refuse it. (Take me away!)
With Musical Mike on back-up hand music.
Rollin' tape, Doctor said he had an extra for us.
Mike, Doc, Bermuda, and Weird Al, they did ride that bus! Ride out now!

C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)

C'mon, it's the bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon, the dementia bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon, it's the bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon, the dementia bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
If you feel demented, well come on, and squeeze into… (Ride that bus now!)
We're Lynwood bound, from Albuquerque downtown.
So just say "Woo woo woo!"
A-ha-nother one! (Another one rides the bus, ha! Another one rides the bus, ow!)
A-ha-nother one! (Another one rides the bus, Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-yeah!)

Suddenly the requests poured in from around the world.
All the way to New Zealand, people laughed til they hurled. (Huuaahh!)
Al took the tape to town and then, hip hooray!
It got released to play, a record on T.K., Hey hey!
"What's the best song ever?" is the question that you ask us.
It's the one that will outlast us. Done with Sulu and Demaskus. (YEAH!)
Don’t need no instruments you see. (Woo!)
Just jump on in. Grab yourself a whistle or kazoo.
Or a cow can too. It's up to you, hand-fart or sing bass.
Got the tempo, Bermuda's bangin' that accordion case.
So when you go (Go where?) see "Weird Al" (oh, that guy)
When his tour comes to town, scream 'til the house comes down,
Right when you hear this sound!

C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)

C'mon, it's the bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon, the dementia bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon, it's the bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon, the dementia bus! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
If you feel demented, well come on, and squeeze into… (Ride that bus now!)
We're Lynwood bound, from Albuquerque downtown.
So just say "Woo woo woo!"
A-ha-nother one! (Another one rides the bus, ha! Another one rides the bus, ow!)
A-ha-nother one! (Another one rides the bus, Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-yeah!)

C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
C'mon ride the bus. Ride it! (Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)

(Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
(Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
(Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
(Ride that bus now! Ride that bus now!)
(fade out)
Track Name: It's A Fanboy Christmas
(4 measure intro)

It's a fanboy Christmas, there's geek-dom in the air.
The comic shops and toy stores, are crowded everywhere.
Each dork and dweeb and doofus, does their holiday thing.
They form a nerdy chorus, and they all begin to sing.

(To the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth")
All I want for Christmas is my emotion chip,
Emotion chip, emotion chip.
All I want for Christmas is my emotion chip,
So I can have a merry Christmas.
Androids cannot feel merry,
Not to mention loving or affection.
If I do not get my emotion chip,
I will start an In-surrection.

(To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer")
Gowron got run over by a reindeer
On his way to fight the Dominion War.
Now he's drinking down his Christmas blood-wine.
In the curse-ed halls of Stovokor.

(To the tune of "Do You Hear What I Hear?")
Said the barkeep to his brother Rom,
'Do you 'ear' what I 'ear'?'

(To the tune of "Ave Maria")
Ave Jadzia… (Oh Jadzia…)
Cardi Muerto Trill Seis… (Gul Dukat killed you in the sixth season…)
Marc Alaimo Shmuck… (Geez, what a putz…)
Roho Polo Esta No-no… (That's what she gets for wearing a red wedding dress on a Star Trek show.)

It's a fanboy Christmas, at Ren fests and conventions.
We're sending all the fruit cakes, to alternate dimensions.
Bashir walked into the bar. "What would you like?", Quark said.
Bashir responded "Egg Nog", and Nog got egged in the head. (Smack! "Ow!")

(To the tune of "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer")
"Buffy The Vampire Slayer"
Made a really crappy film.
Luke Perry and Paul Rubens
Made the average viewer ill.
All of the Warner Brothers
Gave it a Tim Burton twist.
Now watch her kill on TV,
Showing off her ample acting ability!

(To the tune of "Angels We Have Heard On High")
Angel, you're a studly guy.
Watch out girls, he'll suck you dry. Oh…

(To the tune of "We Need A Little Christmas")
Mulder and Scully
Are on my rooftop, what have
They come here to see?
U.F.O. reindeer.
Is it Saint Nick? No, it's a
Big conspiracy now.
Cause we need a little X-Files.
We'll be overjoyous
When we fill our stockings
Full of paranoias.
So just send the Men In Black home
Because they annoy us.
We need a little X-Files now.

(To the tune of "Let It Snow")
Now my D.M. is a curmudgeon.
He trapped me in a dungeon.
I hope these dice will save my troll.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.
Now you may think my life is tragic
Cause I play with cards of magic
That cost me my eternal soul.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll.

It's a fanboy Christmas, from Roswell to Missourah.
We're wishing happy Qwanzaa, to Sisko and Uhura.
Our Jewish friends have opened, the gifts that we did buy 'em,
The brand new Kosher Transformer, Optimus L'chaim!

(To the tune of "Hava Nagilah")
Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Iolias, Gabriel
Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Hercules and Xena, Iolias, Gabriel
Herc is a demi-god, Xen' has a killer bod.
Iolias died, and Gabby cried, cause Joxer is a clod.

(To the tune of "The Dreidel Song")
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you're made of fluffy fur.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, we love to hear you purr.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you're really just a pain.
Tribble, Tribble, Tribble, you ate up all our grain.

(To the tune of "The Hanukkah Song")
Get on your Taun-Taun-nukkah.
It's Star Wars Hanukkah.
You can hang out with Qui-Gon-nukkah.
On the Millenium Falcon-nukkah.
With a Wookie named Chewba-nukkah.
(Everybody:) Please help me Obi-Wan-nukkah.
So go see Episode One-nukkah.
And have a happy, happy, happy Star Wars Hanukkah!

It's a fanboy Christmas, the temperature is nippley.
So throw Aliens on the fire, with that new clone of Ripley.
The anime cartoon stars, are all getting along.
The dementites and dementiods are all listening to this song!

(To the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy")
Danger, danger young Will Robinson.
For Dr. Smith is coming Will Robinson.
I know you have been searching for Babylon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5).
You're hungry, have some fish heads, eat them up yum,
Eat them up yum, eat them up yum…
Linoleum… YEAH!

(To the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
I… saw Marvin… kissing Santa Claus…
Underneath the doorway… late last night…
(Door:) Please enjoy your trip through this door! Enjoy tonight's film, "It's A Wonderful Life!".
"It's A Wonderful Life"… Don't talk to me about "It's A Wonderful Life".

(To the tune of "The Chipmunk Song")
Christmas, Christmas time is here.
I hit the toy store each year.
Slip the stocker a twenty.
Action figures all for me.
At conventions, sell the girth.
I charge twelve times what they're worth.
Gee, this Christmas time is swell,
(Spoken:) Until all the little kids who want to buy the toys just so they can play with 'em all get together and hunt me down and catch me and kill me and then I'll burn in Hell!

It's a fanboy Christmas, and outside it's a blizzard.
So curl up by the fire, with your copy of Wizard.
Lara Croft's new Yule Raider, just might over-sex us.
And Wolverine is here to wish us all a merry X-Mas!

(To the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg.
The Batmobile broke its wheel, and the Joker got away.
Penguin spewed, Riddler's food, in Two-Face's cup.
When Catwoman soiled her litter, Alfred cleaned it up.

(To the tune of "Silent Night")
Silent Bob… Jay and Bob…
Hatchet men… is their job…
Just two pot prophets with some weird quirks.
Just two mallrats hassling clerks.
Always chasing Amy.
Smokin' snootchie bootchies.

(To the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")
God rest ye merry Pokemon, inside your Poke balls,
Team Rocket, Jesse, James, and Meowth are here to wreck your halls.
No decorations will they hang, nor carols will they sing,
They're too busy Poke-Christmas Card collecting,
Stealing all that they can get from Burger King.

(To the tune of "Auld Lange Syne")
Should Voyager ever get home
And again see Earth's Sun shine,
Then you'll find me out on the town,
With my date, Seven of Nine.
It's a fanboy Christmas, no time to dilly-dally.
Get all the geeks together, cause it's time for the finale…

(To the tune of "The Twelve Days Of Christmas")
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my fangirl gave to me…
Twelve larpers larping,
Eleven filkers filking,
Ten apes from deep space,
Nine 'Doctor Who's,
Eight sweet transvestites,
Seven of Nine,
Six Ewoks dancing,
Five Cardassian lights,
(Picard:) There are four lights!
Four Starfleet Captains,
Three Star Wars prequels,
Two protocol droids,
And "there can be only ONE"
Sci-Fi channel on my TV!

(To the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas")
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
We wish you a fanboy Christmas,
And a Trekkie new year!

(From "Twas The Night Before Christmas")
…and I heard him exclaim as he flew out of view,
'Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you!'

(From "A Christmas Carol")
Roddenberry bless us, everyone!

(From the Three Wise Men)
Push the button, Frankincense.