Worst Album Ever

by the great Luke Ski

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about

The 5th album by 'the great Luke Ski' features his Eminem / Lord of the Rings parody "Stealing Like A Hobbit", which was the #1 most requested song of 2003 on "the Dr. Demento Show". Featuring Hot Waffles and the Nick Atoms, and songs by Sudden Death, Tom Smith, Power Salad, and Ookla The Mok.

credits

released July 26, 2003

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about

the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

I am a Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor at Cartoon Network. The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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Track Name: Jon Archer
(4 measure intro)
Here Porthos, (whistle)

I’m the Captain. I’m in the chair.
I got a full, head of hair.
I’m clueless, just like my race.
We’re headin’ off into space.
I’m the Captain. NX-01.
It’s time to go, have some fun.
Boldly go, where no one’s gone.
The future is coming on.
It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on, (it’s coming on)
Rah, yah!

Finally, Vulcans let me out into space. Now,
Time for this whole quadrant to meet the human race. Say we
Shouldn’t be there, and that we should be scared? Take your
Nimoy like sneer, stick it n’your pointy ear! In Bro-
-ken Bow, Klingon got knocked out by someone we don’t know.
Let him die? Hell no! Look, I’ll take him home. Tucker, let’s go.
Pick and choose, new recruits, best of all the crews.
Chicks and dudes, tolerating Diane Warren tunes.
Warpin to Kronos at about Warp four-point-two.
Sudd’nly we blew a fuse, then things went all to Hell.
Temporal? Maybe. The Cabal, Suliban, cha-
-meleons, are taking on Klingons? They’re crazy!
Andorians, military Smurfs won’t hear my story man,
only when Vulcans spy and make them paranoid again, like
P’Jem. Brave like a celtic I am, but the
Delphic Expanse might make me crap my pants! Yikes!




I’m the Captain. I’m in the chair.
I got a full, head of hair.
I’m clueless, just like my race.
We’re headin’ off into space.
I’m the Captain. Small step behind.
One giant leap, for mankind.
This next step, looks mighty steep.
You might call it, a Quantum Leap.
A Quantum Leap, a Quantum Leap, a Quantum Leap, (a Quantum Leap)

Jon Archer, the Captain about who I’m rappin’, well
It just so happens to be me. I’m battlin’
All those, Suliban freaks who are feeding cheese to
Porthos. Lieutantant Malcolm Reed rules the armory,
Keeping harm from me and the rest of my guys. Trip’s con-
-structions he’ll devise, we’ll function and surpise on this
Funky Enterprise. Travis bustin’ through the skies. Maywea-
-ther will forever helm wherever he flies. I
See Doctor Phlox. A Denobulan medic who
Blocks all the pox with a fox in a box. Hoshi’s
Chillin’, decipherin’ all our prank calls from all the
Klingons. “All your base are belong to us.” But she’s
Not hot as T’Pol is. Vulcan flawless.
Logic and a bod like Lucy Lawless.
Fearless. Be back soon to save you again,
Just as long as you remember that it’s on U.P.N.!

I’m the Captain. I’m in the chair.
I got a full, head of hair.
I’m clueless, just like my race.
We’re headin’ off into space.
I’m the Captain. This prequel show
Has got some more, years to go.
The cast is, unknowns for sure,
Unless you count Bakula,
Count Bakula, count Bakula, count Bakula, count Bakula,
Unless you, count Bakula, count Bakula, count Bakula,
Unless you, (count Bakula)
Track Name: Because I'm Jedi
Yoda: It is like, care about nothing, I do not.

Anakin: Turn the sabre on. Yeah. (sabre noise)
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: Pretty cool. (sabre noise)
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: Yeah, yeah. (sabre noise)
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Lat dat dah-ah-ahh…

Anakin: Okay turn it off, yeah.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da da da, la da da da, la da da daa!

Anakin: Was a Tattooine slave as a kid, pod racers I'd fly.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: 'Til QuiGon freed me he did, then ten years go by.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Uh! Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: Now I'm protecting Padme's life, and you know why.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Why, man?

Anakin: Yeah, hey!… Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da dat, dat, da-da, dat…

Anakin: The assassin was a her not a him, we chased through the sky.
Watto: Come on, ya'll!
Yoda: Check it out.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: And just like always, we'd hack off a limb, just so she'd comply.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Uh, Uh. Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: That method's a bit extreme, how do we justify?
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Ha ha ha. Why, man?

Anakin: Yeah, hey!… Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!

Watto: Go to the next, go to the next, go to the next.
Jar-Jar: Meesa!
Yoda: Uh!

Anakin: Left Naboo to look for my Mom, to save her I'd try.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Uh. Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: She passed away right there in my arms, and it made me cry.
Yoda: Very sad indeed.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: All those Tuskien Sand People, THEY ALL HAD TO DIE!!!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Yaaah! Why, man?

Anakin: Yeah, hey!… Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da dat, dat, dat, dat…

Anakin: Jango lost his head, Boba moans, for vengeance he'll vie.
Jar-Jar: I'm serious, man!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: We won the battle with the best clones, that money can buy.
Yoda: Republic credits, very good.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: Dooku chopped off my hand, that's irony, with a capitol "I"…
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Gaaah! Why, man?

Anakin: Yeah, hey!… Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da dat, dat, dat, dat…

Anakin: Our secret passion we couldn't avoid, we tried to deny.
Jar-Jar: I'm serious, man!
Watto: Uh. Uh.
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: So back on Naboo, witnessed by the droids, the knot we did tie.
Yoda: What was that?
Watto: Nothing, keep going.
Jar-Jar: Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: It'll destroy our lives, but who cares? We're livin' a lie.
Yoda: Turn the song off!

Anakin: Yeah, hey!… Because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi, because I'm Jedi!
Watto: Because I'm Jedi! No, keep going!...
Jar-Jar: ... because I'm Jedi, Me do dat over!...
Yoda: ...because I'm Jedi!

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da dat, dat, dat, dat…

Anakin: Okay you guys, take a verse, take a verse, go!

Watto: I've got little wings on my back, so that I can fly…
Anakin: Uh, yeah, uh, keep going! Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Jar-Jar: Meesa got big ear, long tongue, and two bulgey eye!… Yes I do!
Anakin: That's right, you do man. Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Yoda: Whup your butt in a fight I will, and you know why…
Anakin: Why guys? …… Go! Go! Go! Go!
Yoda: Yeah, hey!…

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: 'Cause we're C.G.I., 'cause we're C.G.I., 'cause we're C.G.I.!

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da dat, dat, dat, dat…

Anakin: The film's called "Attack of the Clones", and it's starring I.
Watto: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Jar-Jar: Meesa! Baby, Ho-ooo!…
Yoda: Ooo, ooo, oooo…

Anakin: Even though my acting's worse than, that Keanu guy.
Watto: Go! Yeah! Uh! Yeah! Say what? Say what? Say what? Say what?
Jar-Jar: No way! Bring it back, bring it back, baby!
Yoda: Yes way, Ted!, Lat dat dat, da-da-dah…

Anakin: And by now I'm sure you all have figured out why…
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: Aaahh!!! Why, man?

Anakin: Yeah, hey!… George Lucas got high, George Lucas got high, George Lucas got high!
Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: George Lucas got high, George Lucas got high, George Lucas got high!

Watto, Jar-Jar, & Yoda: La da dat, dat, dat, dat…

Anakin: Lat, dat, da da da dat, da da da da daa…
Jar-Jar: Did he really do that, man?
Watto: Well, you know those Hollywood types.

Anakin: Shoop shoop shooby do wah…
Yoda: Obi-Wan, get jiggy with it!

Anakin: Skippy dee bee bah boop do wah…
Jar-Jar: Meesa not thinkin you be sayin dat.
Watto: Yes, it's a continuity error. Too out of character you, too out of date for everyone.

Anakin: Lat, dat, da da da dat, loot loo doo dee doo… Doot doo!
Yoda: When 900 years old you reach, as up to date your pop culture references will be not? Hmm?

Anakin: La da da da da, la da da da da, la da da da daa! La dat dat dat dat daa…
Watto: See, now I have no idea what you are saying.
Jar-Jar: Yeah, you needsa to be speakin in a waysa thatsa people cansa be undastandinsa!
Watto: Now I am completely lost.
Jar-Jar: Me-me-meesa-MEESA!!!
Yoda: Sell any of these albums, we are not going to, cuz.
Watto: Let's go back to Mos Espa and fix some more maintenance droids, screw it.
Jar-Jar: Pooda to da corporate world, beeyotch!
Track Name: Stealing Like A Hobbit
(Spoken, like beginning of "Lose Yourself":)
Look… If you had… One Ring… To find them…
One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them…
Would you rule them all?… Or go see "Harry Potter" instead?

(Closet Verse 1)
Have you ever been angered while sent on a dangerous quest?
I have, 'cause of this ring hangin' on a chain on my chest.
Saturday, was sent on my way, Gandalf the Grey
Said get away, to the fires of Mount Doom, no delay.
All this medieval upheaval has led to evil retrieval.
Hid from Souron the moron, a weasel once known as Smeagol.
Running from Uruk-hai and Wraiths, by now you all know the story,
With Saruman in Isengard, and his Play Doh Orc factory.
Gory! Men, elves, and dwarfs, listen to them yell and them shout.
Now we're the Fellowship, but they'll never mellow me out.
Make no mistake. It's prob'bly too much for you to take,
Ain't it Gollum? I'm-a show you I'm a hard Hobbit to break!

(Closet Chorus 1)
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
One more time, I said
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
Ha!

(Closet Verse 2)
The whole survival of everyone in Middle Earth's the burden I'm Tolkien.
You think it's easy? What kind of pipe-weed you smokin'?
Man, I'm not jokin'. I'll take you back a year or sixty,
Before I ever had a multi-disc extend-DVD.
You were a creature feature, live to rant and rave in a cave.
My Baggins Uncle snatched the ring you love and crave, he's so brave,
Then he split. Now he's retired, and as he kissed me goodbye,
Dropped the ring, and stuck me starin' at that big evil eye.
I'm going crazy, ever since I started leaving the Shire.
Because of this stupid ring, the forests were set on fire.
'n all the men again will die some more all for Gondor in Boromir's war,
But he's only human. He went mad enough for Mordor to score.
What he did was stupid, a dumb deadly scam.
But the smartest thing I did was take off on my own, 'cept for Sam.
'Cause he'd-a killed us, they all would have just gone nuts you see?
It's our quest, just me and Sam, this Goonie's good 'nuff for me!

(Closet Chorus 2)
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
One more time, I said
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
Huh!

(Stan Verse 2.5)
(Spoken, as Samwise Gangee, like letter readings from "Stan")
Dear Mr. Frodo, just writing you this letter while you were nappin'.
It's been a long tale since our furry feet have got to steppin'.
You know that series of books that were later made into some movies?
About a little guy who went on a mission against evil? Man it was groovy!
He had this thing that would make him invisible whenever he'd wanta?
And an old wizard mentor, you know, that kid, Harry Potter?
That's kinda how this is. They'll sing songs about us across the land.
Just you and me, hit me back, your biggest fan, this is Sam.

(Stan Chorus 2.5)
(Sung as Arwen, female vocalist)
The elves gone home, I'm wondering why…
I left Rivendell at all.
The undying lands are where I'm living…
So I'll be immortal.
I think of my lost love, who'll be king one day,
When I see my pendant's gone.
It reminds me,
That the road goes ever on and on…

(Closet Verse 3)
Now I would never have believed all that's gone down on this mission.
You don't need a magician to see all the facts in this fiction.
Aragorn and Arwen are kissin', while Merry and Pippin
Are hitchin' rides on a treetop. Sam's dissin' you with suspicion, hissin'.
I really gotta pee, can we please have intermission? But no,
We watch you go fishin', wishin' for plot exposition.
This whole time I told Samwise that I pity you, "So sad ain't he?"
Now I obsess, and I regress. I'm getting slim and so shady! Save me!
Maybe the reason the ring's turning me into you,
'So with my actin' Peter Jackson wins an Oscar or two?
But guess what? Ten thousand Orcs versus some dorks in a castle,
You better call some elves to help you reinforce in this battle.
And Legolas is so slick now, such an excellent smelter.
Like if Tony Hawk was starring in "The Legend Of Zelda". (thwip!-Gaaahh!)
Keepin' score with the dwarf, Gimli has tossed in his brawn.
Look east at dawn, the Riders killed tons of Orcs on the lawn.
Can't believe Bilbo left me to go on this horrible trek!
You selfish peck! I hope you're eaten by an ogre named Shrek!
Will I prevail and survive, or will some spider get me?
I don't know, I haven't read, through book two and book three!

(Closet Chorus 3)
I'm sorry Gollum.
I never meant to hurt you,
But you can kiss that ring bye-bye,
'Cause tonight, I'm stealing like a Hobbit.
One more time,…

(Spoken bit: Gollum attacks Frodo, takes ring back)

…I said, I'm sorry Gollum.

Gollum: Philthy little thieves!

I never meant to hurt you,

Gollum: It's ours and we wants it! (Gollum grunts as he tries to take the ring)

But you can kiss that-

Frodo: Hey! Gollum! Get off me, man! Hey! Hey, give that back!

Gollum: Aaah!!! I gots the precious!!! I gots it!

(Lose Chorus 3.5)
(As Gollum)
You gotta rule them all with the precious, the precious, the precious,
You better never lets it go!
You only gets one ring, the thing that you've gots to know,
This Gollum looney me wants the precious precious!
You better rule them all with the precious, the precious, the precious,
You better never lets it go!
You only gets one ring, the thing that you've gots to know,
This Gollum looney me wants the precious precious!
You better…

(Spoken bit, Frodo takes the ring back, Gollum screams and moans as song fades out)

Frodo: Gimmie that thing back! It's mine! Ha! Lets go.

Gollum: Noooo!!! The precious!!! You philthy little tricksy Hobbitsses!!! You stole the precious!!!
Track Name: House Party At Arkham Asylum
(8 measure opening)

Joker: (slow increasing laugh, with echo)

Verse 1:
House party at Arkham Asylum.
I'm the Joker, the man, your host.
Shake my hand my fine cousin,
You'll feel the joy buzzin',
It'll fry you up like French Toast. (*buzz/shock sfx*) (Yaah!)

House party at Arkham Asylum.
Harley Quinn is your hostess today.
Take their coat and their hat and
Give them a straight jacket!
Harley: "Sure thing, Mista J.!"
So join us at the-

Chorus 1:
House party at Arkham Asylum!
Where there ain't no ifs, ands, or buts.
'Cause we're disoriented,
As well as demented.
Yeah, we've all gone a little bit nuts! (Koo-koo! Koo-koo!)

House party at Arkham Asylum!
Just forget all your toil and strife,
'Cause we run this asylum,
So we'll be buck-wylin',
For the next 20 years to life!

Verse 2:
House party at Arkham Asylum.
On the dance floor the Penguin is kickin'.
He did the surfin bird,
Spun around, and said 'word!'
And then segued to the funky chicken.
(Penguin: Waa waa waa!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Just watch Catwoman dance to the beat
'Cause someone slipped Selina
Funky Col' Medina
Now she's writhing around in heat.
(Catwoman: Mreaow!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
And our D.J. is driving us crazy!
Because it's Mr. Freeze.
We keep asking him, 'Please!
Will you stop playing "Ice Ice Baby"?'
(Mr. Freeze: Word to your mother!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Riddler: So Riddle me this, my fine guests.
What'cha call a disc jockey
Whose demise is quite shocking?
I know! It's D.J. Jazzy Death!
(*buzz/shock sfx*) (Mr. Freeze: Yaah!)
Chorus 2:
House party at Arkham Asylum!
Where there ain't no ifs, ands, or buts.
'Cause we're disoriented,
As well as demented.
Yeah, we've all gone a little bit nuts! (Koo-koo! Koo-koo!)

House party at Arkham Asylum!
Just forget all your toil and strife,
'Cause we run this asylum,
So we'll be buck-wylin',
For the next 20 years to life!

Verse 3:
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Bring on Batman and all of his crew!
Robin, Batgirl, and Nightwing
Will feel the greased lightning
When they get some shock treatment too! (Woo hoo hoo!)
(*buzz/shock sfx*)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
The Mad Hatter zonks every complainer.
Scarface wants karaoke,
Clayface wants "Hokey Pokey",
Scarecrow wants "the Macarena"!
(AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
On the mike, hear the maniacs rock.
Just watch Rash-Al-Ghul
Go and kick it old school
With his new rapping partner, 'Kid Croc!'
(Killer Croc: BAWITABA!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Bane just asked Poison Ivy to dance.
She said 'Not a chance, fatty',
Because she knows that he
Just wants to get into her plants!
(WHOOO-OOAAAA!!!)
Chorus 3:
House party at Arkham Asylum!
Where there ain't no ifs, ands, or buts.
'Cause we're disoriented,
As well as demented.
Yeah, we've all gone a little bit nuts! (Koo-koo! Koo-koo!)

House party at Arkham Asylum!
Just forget all your toil and strife,
'Cause we run this asylum,
So we'll be buck-wylin',
For the next 20 years to life!

(Bridge: 8 measures, Joker laughs with echo)

Verse 4:
House party at Arkham Asylum.
We've thrown out every film script.
Keaton, Kilmer, and Clooney,
Facing off with this Looney,
They'd all end up in a bat-crypt.
(Keaton: I'm Bat-gaaahh!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Tim Burton is here, we're excited!
Though it may seem Two-Faced,
For reasons of good taste,
Joel Schumacher wasn't invited.
(YAAAAYY!!!)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Those Justice League dorks aren't so vicious.
Wonder Woman and Flash
And Green Lantern got bashed,
And Aquaman sleeps with the fishes.
(*bubbles/drowning*)
House party at Arkham Asylum.
Not even Superman could win tonight,
Because we rocked his butt, with a twelve inch cut,
Called "Disco Kryptonite"! Ha ha haaaa!!!!

Chorus 4:
House party at Arkham Asylum!
Where there ain't no ifs, ands, or buts.
'Cause we're disoriented,
As well as demented.
Yeah, we've all gone a little bit nuts! (Koo-koo! Koo-koo!)

House party at Arkham Asylum!
Just forget all your toil and strife,
'Cause we run this asylum,
So we'll be buck-wylin',
For the next 20 years to life!

(8 measure outro & fadeout, inmates repeat phrase while Joker & Harley talk)
House party at Arkham Asylum!… House party at Arkham Asylum!…
House party at Arkham Asylum!… House party at Arkham Asylum!… (etc.)

Joker: (laughing with echo) Come Harley, let's adjourn to our maximum-security boudoir, and bring the whoopee cushion, so we can make a little whoopee! (laughs)
Harley: Sure thing, Puddin'! You wanna go for a ride on your Harley?
Joker: (laughs) Yes my dear, let's go hog wild! (laughs)
Harley: Ooh! (Joker continues to laugh with echo)
Track Name: The Ballad of Optimus Prime
(16 measure intro)

(verse 1a)
To this planet called earth came a pacifist being
And his clan, who taught us things aren't always as seemed.
There was no one as wise and courageous and swell,
As the space hero whose tale I'm about to tell.

(verse 1b)
Took his troops into battle to fight all their foes.
Leading good against evil, and everyone knows
When his back's 'gainst the wall and he'd run out of luck,
He'd flip his body parts 'round and change into a truck.

(chorus A)
Now I'll sing you the ballad of Optimus Prime.
He was the greatest Transformer there were of all time.
He was a big rig, a robot, and a really nice guy.
He was proof that a hero's more than meets the eye.

(4 measures)

(verse 2a)
Born Orion Pax back on ol' CyberTron,
Well not born, more like built by some darn Quintesson.
After a needed upgrade from Alpha Trion,
The Leadership Matrix to him was passed on.

(verse 2b)
It was each Autobot versus Decepticon,
And their leader, that vicious gun called MegaTron.
In a space dogfight race to find more Energon,
It was our ancient planet that they crashed upon.

(spoken)
Earl: Uh, what's a 'pon'?
Luke: No no no, not a 'pon'. "Upon."
Earl: Whaaa?
Luke: You know, like, "Upon far, over there…"
Earl: Hooo! There's a PON-FAR going on over there?!?
Luke: No no no no! Wrong universe! Let's just get back to the song!
Earl: Oh, damn!

(verse 3a)
They were brought back online in 1984,
Reconfigured to blend in with Chevys and Fords.
Fighting evil on Earth, to this credo they stick, it's
Freedom for all beings, and avoid parking tickets.

(verse 3b)
Prime fought Megatron many times, and it rocked.
As a pistol, he was always going off half-cocked.
And when Prime's fisticuffs had been takin' it's tollin'
He'd shove his long barrel up Prime's Semi colon.

(spoken)
Luke: Now that's what I call taking it up the tailpipe!
Earl: Ooohh! Luke, that pun was so bad it makes me want to throw myself into the, the Grand Canyon!
Luke: So that would make you a Cliff-Jumper?
Earl: Aw, Jeez! One more like that, and I will blast you from here to the Loch Ness.
Luke: Well, that's a Grim-Lock!… Oh, come on Earl, you're a filk star, you can handle it!
Earl: Luke, it's enough to make any Star-Scream!
Luke: (As StarScream:) PATHETIC FOOLS!!! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!

(verse 4a)
Then in 2005, they fought their final bout.
With his last ounce of strength, he knocked MegaTron out.
On his death bed poor Optimus Prime there was laid,
Just so Hasbro could sell the new toys they had made.

(verse 4b)
Then the optics went dim on that great space invader.
Spike cursed to the skies, but it was edited later.
The new prophesized leader, Hot Rod, he was chosen.
We wanted John Wayne, and they gave us Judd Nelson!

(chorus B) (with "The Nick Atoms" singing along:)
Now I'll sing you the ballad of Optimus Prime.
He was the greatest Transformer there were of all time.
He was a big rig, a robot, and a really nice guy.
He was proof that a hero's more than meets the eye.

(4 measures) (slow tempo, sad part, guitar follows vocal pattern)

(bridge) ("The Nick Atoms" sing "Ooooh..."s in background)
Hot Rod versus Galvatron ain't quite the same.
Even those who loved them thought it was comparatively lame.
So we mourned for the deaths of our brave fighting robots.
The alternative? Go home and play with some… GO-BOTS?!?!?!

(spoken in unison, yelling in agony)
Luke: NOOO!!! NOT LEADER-ONE! TURBO! CY-KILL! THAT SCOOTER THING! OH MY GOD! UNICRON KILL ME NOW!!!…
Earl: OOOOH, NOOOO!!! NOOO NOOO! OH MY- …TONKA COULDN'T SELL ANYTHING BUT A DUMP TRUCK 'CAUSE THEY HAD TO MAKE THESE KNOCK-OFFS! OH MY GOD! …GOBOTRON MY ASS!!!

(back to normal guitar style & tempo, on 'resurrected')

(verse 5a)
Resurrected by forces they don't understand.
A powerful hate plague they call 'fan-demand'
From his grave-ship soon Optimus Prime then arose
To save us from lame toys with lamer kid's shows.

(verse 5b)
Those Headmaster / Beast Machines might confuse me,
But with Prime back in charge, it's all good you'll agree.
Now immortal, his red and bold chassy is seen
On DVD, Ebay, and Toyfare magazine!

(chorus C) (with "The Nick Atoms" singing along:)
Now I'll sing you the ballad of Optimus Prime.
He was the greatest Transformer there were of all time.
He was a big rig, a robot, and a really nice guy.
He was proof that a hero is…

(guitar does Transformer Theme Music Riff)
…more than meets the eye!!!

(spoken)
Luke: Autobots! Transform and roll out! (Transform Sound Effect with his voice)
Track Name: the great Luke Ski & Hot Waffles - Fangirls, Shake That Booty!
(Intro 8 measures, spoken)
Yeah! Another rap dementia collaboration for the fen of every nation!
We got the Hot Waffles in the place to be, y'all!
Long Beach C.Y.P. west coast fandom in the hiz-ouse!
And me, Luke Ski, representin’ for the Mid-West-si-yeed!
(1st Verse)

It’s our obligation to do this song,
Cause we want you all to know that there’s nothing wrong
When you’re at the con, and you’re feeling withdrawn,
But then you see us on stage like two Don Juans.
Pimpin’ it smoother than Pepe the Prawn.
Til the break-a-break-a-dawn we got it goin’ on!
Bustin’ rhymes faster, all night long,
Than light cycles in the game grid of Tron.
Now the myth the media perpetuates,
Is that its just the dorky guys who cant get dates
That fully populate every last convention,
But there’s one gender that they fail to mention.
*Hey Ladies!* Were talkin’ bout you!
Its time to show ‘em all what you can do.
Just like Starfleet, it’s your sworn duty.
So come on, fangirl, shake that booty!

(1st Chorus)

Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Uh huh
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Yeeaah!!!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! All night long
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! You know it! You
know it!



(2nd Verse)

I like a body that's a culmination
Of eight hours a day of PlayStation
With vibration, and a thorough appreciation
Of the ideals set forth by the Federation.
Some guys go to clubs, but I’d rather
Check out las chicas when the fans gather.
They're cosplayin’, so I'm stayin’
To see everything that they're displayin’.
My anaconda don't want none, Unless what?
…Unless she's got the Princess Leia buns,
Or a slave girl outfit from R.O.T.J..
A cattail on the back end will make my day.
Booty! Arr! Not pirate treasure. Oh.
Just that thing that gives us fanboys pleasure.
So turn around, stick it out.
Cause even mundanes got to shout!
NOOOOOOOOOW, bootys great, don’t get me wrong,
But there’s a couple things I’d like to say in this song.
Cause all us guy fans want to get our hands
On a set of those big round mammary glands!
Most every con, they’re showing them off,
From the Klingon chicks to Lara Croft.
On every chest, we see every breast.
Hell, they might as well call this Cleavage-Fest!
And if yours are small, you can always force it.
Hit the dealer’s room, buy yourself a corset.
String it on. Pap! Pap! There, now I see em,
Pretty soon, I’m stiffer than a mausoleum.
Were pathetic, true, but what are we to do?
We may never get laid, but we sure enjoy the view!
Want more? I know the score!
I’m Guest Of Honor: BoobCon 2004!

(2nd Chorus)
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Back it up now
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! C’mon! C’mon!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Oh yeah!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Kick it in the grill,
Chris!




(3rd Verse)
Big or small, white or tan,
You gotta shake it just like I know you can,
Then I’ll squeeze it like an accordi-ANNE. Why’s that?
Cuz that’s the sign of a true D fan!
Japan, and the anime fans are nice.
One asked me to her room and I didn’t think twice.
Didn’t bat an eye, my hand was high on her thigh,
Then sweatin' like McFly when she put on Hentai.
I saw tentacles, and other things I can’t mention.
Off the hook, with a sequence Hen shin.
She was Kawaii, there was no doubt,
Much better than any other Sailor Scout.
My future seemed brighter, turned out she was a biter
And more limber than Chun-Li from Street Fighter.
I wasn’t sure why but my pants felt tighter,
But I was sure it would be an all-nighter.
One time at a masquerade, havin' fun,
I saw a girl dressed as a dominatrix nun!
With a habit and a whip, she was oh-so vicious.
How would you describe it, Chris? Mmm, sacrilicious!
(*Blasphemer!*) …Like the Life of Brian.
I got freaky with a furry dressed up as a lion,
And some think Goth chicks are terrifyin'.
Not me, my devotion to them is undyin'.
The girls were eyein', hey babe, were just tryin'
To get some things flyin', don’t leave us here cryin'.
You’re a green slave girl sent from Orion.
Were gonna throw a party bigger than the one in Zion.
The theme underlyin', your affections I’m vyin'.
Check out my merch table, soon you’ll be buyin'.
Its true, I’m not lyin', you’re so damn fine,
Just like Jeri Ryan as Seven of Nine! Waaah!!!
(3rd Chorus)
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Hail to the King!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Resistance is futile!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Gimme some
sugar, baby.
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Turbolift, take me to
the bridge!


(Bridge: Spoken, *Luke does beat box solo*)

A’ight, this one goes out to all the Buffy shippers in the house,
Here’s a fan fic from my brother from another mother, the great Luke Ski!

(Breakdown Verse)
Now sit right back and you'll hear a tale
About the time I went down to Sunnydale.
I walked right up to the mouth of Hell,
And soon all the ladies were under my spell.
I made Anya sing just a little off key,
But soon I found myself in Harmony.
Willow and Tara looked and me and smiled,
And then the three of us got Wicca-Wicca-Wicca-Wicca-wild!
Gave Cordelia a beautiful vision,
Then I knocked poor Fred into another dimension.
Dru now calls me her real 'big bad',
And only Darla knows that I'm Connor's real dad.
I had a little Faith, and I got a lot of Glory,
But there is a sad end to this 'Grr-Argh' story,
'Cause Buffy threw me out smack down on the lawn
When she caught me messin' 'round at the crack of Dawn!!!
WHOOOOAAA!!!
(Bridge: Chorus)
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Word to your mother!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! I got your Spike right HERE!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Trogdor!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Bddt, stick em!














(4th Verse)
Now ladies, to tell you the truth,
I’ve been checking you out since the registration booth.
C’mon girls, join along and sing this song,
Cause me and Chris are gonna filk you all night long!
There’s no need to make a fuss.
Cause all your ASS are belong to us!
If you don’t like it, you all can just blow me.
I’m gettin’ more girlys than Ranma Soutome!
Frisco to NY, Fargo to Dallas.
Shake it just like you’re in Jabba's palace!
All the Ren Faire chicks, just do yo’ thing,
And pretty soon with me, you’ll be *Down with the King!*
At this point in the song it should be clear
That we have a strange fascination with the rear.
So come on, get down with this fanboys sound,
Cause you’re as hot as Julie Caitlin Brown!
(4th Chorus)
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Looks gooooood!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Hooo-OOOOO!!!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Ruuuuhhh!!!
Shake that booty! Fangirls, shake that booty! Yeeeeaaaaahhhh!!!!
(Outro)
That’s the way for the fans of the land to get down!
Peace out to Devo Spice of Sudden Death!
Representin’ rap dementia and fandom on the East Coast!
Jersey, baby!
C’mon, Chris, lets hit the ConSuite. They got some good cheese dip
there.
Cheese dip is acceptable. (* is acceptable. is acceptable.*)
And it’s our intention to have this song played at every convention!
Track Name: Ookla The Mok, featuring the great Luke Ski - Mr Worf & Gowron Said Knock You Out
Gowron Said Knock You Out
A parody of "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J
About the Klingons of "Star Trek", specifically the "Deep Space Nine" episode "The Way Of The Warrior".
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 1996 – 2010 Luke Sienkowski


Don't call it a comeback! We've been here for years!
Conquerin' worlds, fillin' suckas with fear!
Cruisin' along in my Klingon Bird Of Prey,
Waiting for judgement day.
Dominion! Overpowerin'!
The Alpha Quadrant is cowerin',
But they'll stop, when I drop
These lyrics that'll make you shout "QAPLA!"
The nightmare's here! The battle is soon,
So go and prepare.
The Way of the Warrior's always to slice and dice.
Federation's paying the price!

I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUUH!)
Gowron said knock you out! (HAAAAH!)
I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUUH!)
Gowron said knock you out! (HAAAAH!)

Don't you call us a regular race! Ah,ah,ah,ah
We rule outer space. Ah,ah,ah,ah
We're gonna take your itty bitty world by storm. Ah,ah,ah,ah
You have just been warned.
So full of Honor, just like Emperor Kahless. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Watch me take this horn by the bull. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Who do you have a beef with? Ah,ah,ah,ah
Why do you mess with me, Ah,ah,ah,ah
The honorful Klingon? Ah,ah,ah,ah
And when I pull out my bat'leth, get ready, it'll bring on death! Ah,ah,ah,ah
Try to catch your breath, Ah,ah,ah,ah
I'll kill you just like MacBeth. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Cardassia's infiltrated with,
Founders who can shape-shift.
They’re morphin' endorphins.
Captain Sisko's got Commander Worf,
An old toothless grizna cat? Ah,ah,ah,ah
There's no way were we're going out like that! Ah,ah,ah,ah

I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUUH!)
Gowron said knock you out! (HAAAAH!)
I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUUH!)
Gowron said knock you out! ATTAAAAACK!

Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! -
Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! -
Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! -
Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla!

Drinking prune juice, just like it was classic Coke!
WORF! The son of Mogh!
What made him abandon his whole race?
So now he's got a new place.
We're going insane, Ah,ah,ah,ah

Raising a lot of Cain in this campaign. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Letting you know, you can't gain or restrain. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Master of your domain. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Rippin', killin', kickin', and drillin'. Ah,ah,ah,ah
Let's go. (WHERE?!) To the worm hole.

I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUUH!)
Gowron said knock you out! (HAAAAH!)
I'm gonna knock you out! (HUUUUH!)
Gowron said knock you out! (HAAAAH!)

Phaser blasts are heard,
When I fire and kill at will.
I'm devourin', phasers showerin',
All for Gowron.
I'm gonna knock you down and make you understand Ah,ah,ah,ah
That I'm not your average man, Ah,ah,ah,ah
When I got a bat'leth in my hand!… Damn! Ah,ah,ah,ah
Ooh! Listen to the way I slay! Your crew? Ah,ah,ah,ah
Damage! (QIH!) Damage! (QIH!)
Damage! (QIH!) Damage! (QIH!)
Destruction, terror, and mayhem.
Pass me a Romulan sucker, I slay him!
Martok! (WHAT?!) Martok! (WHAT?!)
I'm ready! (WE'RE READY!)
We're gonna take Cardassia! (QAPLA!)
Don't you never ever try to be clever.
Cause I will cloak. Makin' your defenses a joke.
You are a goner.
Cause all Klingons fight to the death with HONOR!
Knock you out! Gowron said knock you out!

I'm gonna knock you out! Ah,ah,ah,ah
Gowron said knock you out! Ah,ah,ah,ah
I'm gonna knock you out! Ah,ah,ah,ah
Gowron said knock you out! Ah,ah,ah,ah
I'm gonna knock you out! Ah,ah,ah,ah
Gowron said knock you oooouuuut!!! Ah,ah,ah,ah

Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! -
Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! -
Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! -
Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla! - Qih! Qapla! Qih! Qapla!
Track Name: 88 Lines About 44 Simpsons
(4 measure intro)

Willie: Now listen up! You tube-watchin' cartoon junkies!

Ralph: Lisa is a clever girl, she's got heart and lots of brains.
Krusty: Bart is a troublemaker, giving teachers headache pains.
Apu: Marge is the perfect mother, making kids a yummy sammich.
Frink: Homer is a model father, but he has no brain to damage.

(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Homer: Mmm… Donuts!
(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Homer: The what now?

Smithers: Patti runs the DMV, and has nothing to do with men.
Dr. Nick: Selma is her twin sister, two walking carcinogens.
Moe: Grampa is cantankerous, his complaints are getting bigger.
C. B. Guy: Maggie is the silent type, she's the one who pulled the trigger.

(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Barney: (*belch!*)
(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Maggie: (*suck, suck, suck, suck, suck*)

Barney: Mr. Burns is Homer's boss and bleeds Springfield just like a sieve.
Krusty: Smithers is his right hand man, his lifestyle's alternative.
Frink: Flanders is the next-door neighbor, Okely-Dokely-Doo!
Apu: Moe runs the local Tavern, he'll pour you another brew.
Smithers: Barney was a belching loser, filling up on different beers.
C. B. Guy: Milhouse looks just like that kid who used to be on "Wonder Years".
Moe: Martin is the prissy type, no one loves him but his Ma.
Mr. Burns/Nelson: Nelson is the local bully, he's the one that says "Ha-Ha!"

(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Mr. Burns: Excellent!
(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Flanders: Hidely-Ho!

Otto: Ms. Krabappel, fourth grade teacher, education is a farce.
Apu/Willie: Willie is the Scottish grounds man, he'll tell you to "Move your arse!"
Krusty: Seymour Skinner loves his mother, perfect Norman Bates hotel.
Ralph: Reverend Lovejoy is the preacher, he says we'll all burn in Hell.
C. B. Guy: Chief Wiggum and his squad make Barney Feiff look like McBain.
Frink: Marvin Monroe cured neurosis with electrodes to the brain.
Dr. Nick: Otto is the school bus driver, no one knows just what he's on.
Smithers: Kwik-E-Mart's run by Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Apu: Thank you, come again!

Mr. Burns: Mayor Quimby, politician, all your votes he will extort.
Smithers: Lionel Hutz, a bad attorney, he'll get you contempt of court.
Krusty: Kent Brockman reads the news with a crazy debonair.
Dr. Nick: Ralph's nosebleeds would stop if he kept his finger out of there.
C.B.Guy: Itchy is a cartoon mouse who has some violent tendencies.
Moe: Scratchy is his kitty victim, mashed him into cottage cheese.
Ralph: Krusty will get lots of laughs when he hits your head with a hammer.
Frink: Sideshow Bob's a psychopath who uses proper Kelsey grammar.

(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Krusty: Hey Hey! Hu hu huh ha!
(Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Sideshow Bob: Huh-uuh-uuh-uuh…

Otto: Jimbo is a teenage punk, lots of pranks he will be plannin'.
Dr. Nick: Sideshow Mel got a concussion when he got shot from a cannon.
Mr. Burns: Dr. Hibbert, he will treat you, fix it up and make it nice.
Apu: Dr. Nick will do it quicker, at a bargain basement price.
Willie: Cletus is a slack-jawed yokel, farming dirt to feed his kin.
Krusty: Troy McClure, a washed up actor, you can see him starring in…
Ralph: "Radioactive Man Versus Mutant Ninja Minks".
Frink/C.B.Guy: "Mmm-hoy, moisen gayne and glaiven!" Those words are Professor Frink's.
Moe: Kodos is from outer space, shows up every Halloween.
Barney: Kang is her mutant brother, laughing over earth cuisine.
Smithers/B.Man: Bumblebee Man, "No es bueno!", his pain will go on forever.
Frink/C.B.Guy: Comic Book Guy heard this disc and said "…Worst …Album …Ever"!

(Simpsons Theme plays)
Barney, Moe, & Willie: 88 Lines About 44 Simpsons!
(Finale of Simpsons Theme plays)
Homer: D'OH!
Nelson: Ha-Ha!
Track Name: Ode to Mrs. Grass Chicken Noodle Soup
(A trumpet player riffs, and a bongo player bongos as the beatnik reads)

It has been said that “Soup is good food”, but I don’t think that quite covers it. So cats and cat-ettes, check this out… It’s a little something I like to call… Ode to Mrs. Grass’ Chicken Noodle Soup.

The time has come once again when my unnatural cravings take over, and I enter the kitchen and go through those few magic steps that I have repeated so many times before, like the proverbial episode of “Three’s Company” in syndication. But it ain’t no couch that this ‘Jack’ is trippin’ on. No, it’s a bisected blue box of instant liquid goodness that goes by the code of Mrs. Grass’ Chicken Noodle Soup.

Grab that metal pot by the handle, spin it around in my hand three times and slam it down on the stove. Measuring cup one, two, three, four cups of H-2-O. Turn the heat on high… and then I walk away. That’s right. You got to walk away. You know a watched pot never boils. You got to walk away, but don’t stray too far, or the laws of science will laugh in your face as your base ingredient numero uno steams away, dwindling down to nothing, and you have to start all over again. Many a time has the endless banal minutia of life distracted me from tending to my potential meal. Was I placed on this plane of existence to humidify the world? I think not!

Once I got that high rollin’ boil, that high rollin’ boil, that high rollin’ boil… Well now it’s time to reach for that light blue box. The marketing yo-yos in the soulless suits decided recently to change your chassy to a dark blue hue. For this I have no explanation, and no speculation. Just know that deep in my heart Mrs. G, you will forever be light blue to me. But I digress, back to the preparation of the snack. Crack, that double serving box in half, and save the other half for another day. Punch my finger in the side, and pull off that flap back to liberate the manufactured trilogy of ingredients contained within. First off, the noodles. May I be the first to say, duh. Into the pot. Second, the package of powdered poultry providing my pudgy palate a paradise of pure platinum pleasure. Or to put it another way… It tastes like chicken. A quick slice of the knife and into the bubbling cauldron it goes. Next comes the most famous, the most “in”, the most infamous portion of them all… the egg! THE EGG! The egg! THE EGG! The egg! THE EGG! The golden nugget in which the sweet mystery of life can be found, dropped into the mix releases it’s magic potion bringing it all together in a way that is oh, so brothy.

And a few short minutes later, there it sits, the task completed, now it’s time to eat it. Tossing the periodic handfuls of Mama’s Brand Oyster Crackers, I grab my tablespoon, drop it to the bottom of my special soup bowl, and proceed to shovel it all down. Mmm, mmm, the sublime chicken-y, noodle-y, soup-y nirvana cradles my soul, and suddenly for a few brief moments of this never ending façade that passes for a lame excuse for a life, don’t seem all that bad no more.

Sometimes the nagging voice of universal hypocrisy cries out in the darkness, “HEY! The sodium’s gonna kill ya!” All I gotta say is, “Bring it on”, and as bourgeoisie as that may seem, they can’t keep me from my fluid dream. There’s absolutely no manufactured food product in this great land of ours that is greater than Mrs. Grass’ Chicken Noodle Soup. Well, with the possible exception of… Tombstone Pepperoni Pizza.
Track Name: Christmas In Hogwarts
(sleigh bells, 8 measure intro)


What?… C’mon!… Everybody come on, and just throw your hands in the air! Everybody, throw your hands in the air! Everybody, just throw your hands in the air! Hogwart’s in the house! Lemmie hear you say Ravenclaw! (Ravenclaw!) Say Hufflepuff! (Hufflepuff!) Say Slytherin! (Slytherin!) Mandrake roots scream! (AAAHHH!!!)


It was December 24th at Hogwart’s school in the dark,

When I see Hagrid chillin’ with his Fang in the park.

I approached with a present, a chocolate frog,

Looked at his leash, oh my God! A three-headed dog!

But then caroling was Dumbledore and his hat,

And Ms. McGonagall, disguised as a cat.

Nearly-Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle had a blast

Telling stories about all the ghosts of Christmas past.

I head to Gryffindor and look because I gotta

Finish Christmas shopping with my friend Harry Potter.

The last gift he needed was Hermione’s.

We cruise to Diagon ‘na flying car with ease.

So I chipped in cash with Harry, the gift was hers.

An invisibility cloak and matching purse.

But when we got back we bugged, cause we hit the tree,

Which proceeded to beat the living bogeys from me!


(4 measures)


Dobby: Ron is sure going to be in trouble with his parents when he gets back to his house.


Who’s house?


Ron’s house!!!



It’s Christmas time for Gryffin’s teens.

Ron’s eating candy cane flavored beans.

Hermione floats ornaments of greens,

(Dobby:) And Harry shows his movies on big screens!

Dudley, Aunt, and Uncle get best regards

Hedwig dropped off three thousand Christmas cards.

Voldemort is writing Santa at this hour

Asking for Mordor’s one ring of power.

The books that we read are the books of Rowling,

Except for Mister Snape who just sits there scowling.


(6 measure bridge, scratchin’ with *Harry Potter sound bites*)


Gifts so great! A brand new Nimbus

Two-thousand-four broomstick for Quiddich.

Draco’s gift is a lump of coal,

And a book from Tom Riddle that’ll rule his soul.

There’s a matching sock. (Dobby:) Just for Dobby!

When a guest walks in from across the sea…

(Luke Ski:) Well my name is Luke Ski, dementia artist for hire,

and I’m-a roast my chestnuts on a Goblet Of Fire.

From the muggles of the world, it’s a message you hear:

“We wish you a Fanboy Christmas and Trekkie New Year!”


(4 measures, fadeout)


Ron, Harry, Dobby, Luke Ski: (randomly shouting) Hoo-ooo! Hoo-oo! Hoo-oo!… (continue until fadeout)
Track Name: Yes, We Have No Bananas
Yes, We Have No Bananas
.
Music arrangement: "the Nick Atoms"; Bridge rant written by "the great Luke Ski".
Recording © 2003-2004 Luke Sienkowski

There’s a fruit store on our street.
It’s run by a Greek.
And he keeps good things to eat,
But you should hear him speak!
When you ask him anything,
He never answers ‘No.’
He just ‘yes’-es you to death,
And as he takes your dough, he tells you;

YES! We have no bananas!
We have no Bananas today!
We’ve string beans, and onions, cab-ba-ges, and scallions,
And all kinds of fruit and say…
…We have an old fashioned tomato,
a long island potato,
But, YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!

Business got so good with him,
That he wrote home to say,
“Send me Pete, and Nick, and Jim,
I need help right away!”
When he got them in the store,
There was fun you bet!
Someone asked for ‘sparagus,
And then the whole quartet all answered:


YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!
Just try those coconuts,
Those walnuts, and donuts,
There ain’t many nuts like they…
…We’ll sell you two kinds of red herring,
Dark brown and ball bearing,
But, YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas today!

What? What? What do you want from me? I already told you we were all out of bananas! You think you’re Harry Belafonte. You’re not Harry Belafonte. Stop asking me for bananas! No! No! No! Look! Why don’t you go for a nice eggplant? Is it good? Yes! It’s good! Hey Pete! Get your ass out here and give this chump an eggplant, would you please??? There you go, one big fat ripe juicy eggplant. That’ll be thirteen dollars. Out of fifteen? Okay, there’s one, there’s two, they’re real crisp. Don’t spend it all in one place! Now excuse me, do you mind? I’m working!

1, 2, 3, 4!
YES! We have no bananas!
We have no bananas to- CIRCLE GETS THE SQUARE!
Just try those coconuts,
Those walnuts, and donuts,
And touch a bunch of nuts like they… You hear me? I said nuts!
…Two kinds of red herring, how low can you get?
Dark brown and ball bearing, ball bearing! There they go again!
YES! We have no bana- I might as well say scrotum!
Have no bananas to- I’M SO TICKED OFF THAT I’M MOLTING!
Have no bananas today!
Anyway the wind blows! YES!!!!!!
Oh, gee, ya think?!… …NO!!!