Be Amused By Me

by the great Luke Ski

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    It's the great Luke Ski's 10th full length comedy music album, "Be Amused By Me". Whether that title is a request or a demand has yet to be determined. What we are sure of is that this CD contains songs about Disney Buying Marvel, Chuck, The Big Bang Theory, Kevin Smith movies, Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Anime, Bruce Campbell, Serenity, Red Dwarf, his 3rd holiday fandom opus "It's A Fanboy Christmas 3", and "Snoopy The Dogg", the most requested song of 2011 on "The Dr. Demento Show" and winner of "Outstanding Parody Song" of 2011 at the Logan Whitehurst Memorial Awards for Excellence in Comedy Music. Featuring Carrie Dahlby, Devo Spice, Insane Ian, Flat 29, TV's Kyle, and many other friends from the FuMP, it's an album Carrie Dahlby said to me is "probably your best CD since Unconventional". Who am I to argue?

    Includes unlimited streaming of Be Amused By Me via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 21 the great Luke Ski releases available on Bandcamp and save 70%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Twilight Zone, Greatest Hits Volume 2: 2004-2009, 4th Grade Talent Show, Because Of Bob: Luke Ski's Kickstarter FAWM album (songs I wrote about people for money), Fake Adult, Psycho Potpourri!, Carpe Dementia, Uber Geek, and 13 more. , and , .

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released August 4, 2011

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about

the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

I am a Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor at Cartoon Network. The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Carrie Dahlby - Marvel Poppins
Marvel Poppins
A parody of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from the Disney film Mary Poppins
About the Disney company buying the Marvel comic book franchise for $4 billion.
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2009 Luke Sienkowski All rights reserved


Yes, super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney.
All the freakin' fanboys are all throwing such a tizzy.
Spider-Man left Mary Jane for Ms. Maguire, Lizzie.
Super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney.

THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!
THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!
THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!
THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!

Because of the recession Marvel comics was a wreck.
Then one day Mickey came along and wrote us a big check.
And now the mutants aren't the tourists roaming Disneyland,
And Iron Man's in rehab, and he's dressed as Peter Pan.

Oh, super heroes owned by Marvel now are Disney's bulk sales.
Punisher and Pinocchio are gonna go and hunt whales.
Uncle Scrooge and Bruce Banner will do a show called "Hulk Tales"
Super heroes owned by Marvel now are Disney's bulk sales.

Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!
Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!
Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!
Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!

Fantasic Four is staying at Seven Dwarves' residents.
Captain America hangs at The Hall Of Presidents.
Jessica as Electra, Roger Rabbit says, "Whoo-hoooooo!"
And Belle the beauty got confused 'cause now her Beast is blue!

Oh, super heroes owned by Marvel, Disney has acquired us.
We must go along with it or else the mouse will fire us.
X-Men are the Jonas Brothers, Storm is Miley Cyrus.
Super heroes owned by Marvel, Disney has acquired us.

[spoken:]
MICKEY MOUSE! Howard: Howard the Duck!
MICKEY MOUSE! Howard: Howard the Duck!

Carrie Poppins: You know I was going to suggest doing a crossover with "The Secret Of NIMH", but that's going a bit to far, don't you think?
Burt Ski: Indubitably.

[singing:]
Ghost Rider's in the Haunted Mansion, hangin' with Stan Lee, ("Excelsior!")
And you'll be Finding Namor out at EPCOT in the Seas.
And if they use it carefully, it could be enterprising.

[spoken:]
Burt Ski: For example?
Carrie Poppins: Ah, yes?
Burt Ski: "With great power comes great merchandising!"
[SFX: Wolverine claws 'SNIKT!']
Burt Ski: Oh, just look at my cute little talking Wolverine Stitch doll!
Wolverine Stitch: You got a problem, bub? Meega nala kwishta! Hee hee hee hee hee!

[singing:]
'Caaaaaaause, super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney.
All the freakin' fanboys are all throwing such a tizzy.
If it gets too crappy, you can always switch to D.C.!
Super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney!

[spoken:]
Goofy: Gorsh, it's clobberin' time! A-huh-hyuck!
[SFX: clumsy crash, explosion!]
Goofy: Waaaa-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooeeee!!!....
Track Name: The Hanna Barbera Polka
The Hanna Barbera Polka
An original polka about some of the more obscure and bizarre cartoons made by Hanna Barbera in the 70s and 80s.
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski, arrangement by Tom Smith
© 2009 Luke Sienkowski


Lawrence Welk: And a one, and a two, and a Yabba Dabba Doo!

You kids have heard of Flintstones, Space Ghost and Scooby Doo,
And Yogi Bear, and Jetsons, but have you heard of "Shmoo"?
Well sit right down and I'll tell you young gentlemen and ladies
About cartoons we watched throughout the 70's and 80's.

Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch! They're making their escape!
Took off with the Banana Splits, along with a Grape Ape! (Grape Ape: Grape Ape!)
Captain Caveman crashed the Herculoid's cave without warning.
It turned our brains to guacamole each Saturday morning.

Hanna! BARBERA!
Hanna! BARBERA!
Every lass and every laddie,
Who's your Augie Doggie Daddy?
Hanna! BARBERA!
Hanna! BARBERA!
It's the Hanna Barbera polka!

Lawrence Welk: Yes! In '57, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera teamed up to create such classic shows as "Frankenstein Jr. And The Impossibles", "The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan", and the ever popular "Partridge Family 2200 A.D."

Hong!... Kong!... Phooey!....

Dastardly and Muttley were both nasty flying aces, (Dastardly: Stop that pidgeon!)
Meanwhile Ms. Pitstop and the Dukes were all in Wacky Races.
"Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch": Hell's Angels just for kids.
Speed Buggy was a witness, when Devlin hit the skids.

Dyno-Mutt's like Scooby Doo if he was bulletproof.
Then there's the Funky Phantom, who was just a ghostly poof.
Where'd their ideas come from? It never took too long.
Before their pencil's Quick Draw, they'd toke their El-kaBONG!

Hanna! BARBERA!
Hanna! BARBERA!
We tried to drown the Smurfs, those dorks,
But they just evolved into Snorks!
Hanna! BARBERA!
Hanna! BARBERA!
It's the Hanna Barbera polka!

(sound effect & onomotopeia solo)
… Zoinks! … Jinkies!
… Boo Boo! … Bam! Bam! Bam bam bam!
… Yakky Doodle! … Squiddly Diddly!
Pixie! … Dixie! … Up and atom, Atom Ant!

Yippie!... Yappie!... Yahooie!...

Need folks to solve a mystery? We're ne'er in short supply,
With one tiny exception being Inch High Private Eye.
Just call the Clue Club, maybe JabberJaw could do the trick, (JabberJaw: Woo woo woo!)
A fish musician, sounds like Curly stealing Rodney's shtick. (JabberJaw: No respect!)

Soon TV shows like Mork and Mindy turned to stranger things,
Like Gary Coleman as an angel trying to earn his wings.
Laverne and Shirley joined the army simply for a lark.
When they made a show with Fonzie, they finally jumped the shark! (Fonz: Aaay!)

Hanna! BARBERA!
Hanna! BARBERA!
Johnny Quest fights villain plotters.
Super Harlem Globetrotters!
Hanna! BARBERA!
Hanna! BARBERA!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Mr. Jinks: I hate you meeses to pieces!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Little girl: How much for that Gorilla in the window?

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Capt. Caveman: Captain Caaavemaaan!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Dastardly: Wake up Muttley, you're dreaming again! (Muttley: *wheezy laugh*)

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice…

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Wonder Twins: Wonder Twin powers activate!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Peter Potamus: Did you get that thing I sent ya?

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Inky, Pinky, Blinky, and Clyde: P-P-P-P-P-PAC-MAN!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Scrappy Doo: Puppy Power! Everybody else: Shaddap!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Snagglepuss: Heavens to mergatroid! Will this ever end?

It's the Hanna Barbera-
Snagglepuss: Exit, stage left!

It's the Hanna Barbera-
George Jetson: Jane! Stop this crazy thing!

It's the Hanna Barbera polkaaaaa!
Unga-bunga, Great Gazoo! Hey!

Lawrence Welk: Tank you very much! Tune in next time for the Filmation Tango! Um-ng-nm-nm.
Track Name: I'm That Type Of Spy
I'm That Type Of Spy
A parody of "I'm That Type Of Guy" by LL Cool J, about the TV series "Chuck"
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski

(5 measure intro)

You're the type of spy, who drinks a cold martini,
Seducing some young hottie, who's clad in a bikini.
I'm the type of spy, who's got computers to fix,
Working all day in retail. Clean up on aisle six!
You're the type of spy, who drives an Aston Martin,
Facing foreign bad guys, to stop the wars they're startin'.
I'm the type of spy, who's been down on his luck.
I'm Agent Charles Bartowski, but, uh, you can call me "Chuck".

Cause I'm that type of spy. Bu-uy More! Buy More!
I'm that type of spy. Bu-uy More! Buy More!
I'm that type of spy. Bu-uy More! Buy More!
I'm that type of spy. Bu-uy More! Buy More!

You're the type of spy, seducing every female. (Austin Powers: Yeah, baby!)
I'm the type of spy, who shouldn't have opened his e-mail.
I thought it was 'keyboard cat', or something cute and inane,
That's when the Intersect uploaded itself into my brain.
Now I'm the type of spy, ehh, who doesn’t want to do this.
I flash upon some intel, and make a face like Jerry Lewis. (Jerry Lewis: Lady!)
Casey's the type of spy, who'll snap you like a stick.
An NSA Marine, who drives a Crown Vic. (Casey: Shiny!)
Sarah's the type of spy, who's a fighter, not a lover,
But as my CIA protector, she's my girlfriend undercover.
Hand-to-hand combat, you should see the guys she's mangled.
Romantic complications? Huh, yeah, We're en-"Tangled"

I'm that type of spy. Ne-erd Herd! Nerd Herd!
(Flynn Rider from Tangled: Here comes the smolder!)
I'm that type of spy. Ne-erd Herd! Nerd Herd!
(Flynn Rider from Tangled: They just can't get my nose right!)
I'm that type of spy. Ne-erd Herd! Nerd Herd!
(Flynn Rider from Tangled: Frying pans! Who knew?)
I'm that type of spy. Ne-erd Herd! Nerd Herd!
(Flynn Rider from Tangled: Ow! My smolder!)

Morgan's the type of spy, who'll take a Mac and reprogram it.
You're the type of spy, who's always saying (Jack Bauer from 24: DAMMIT!)
Morgan's the type of spy, who's got my back when things get weird.
He's like my own Chloe O'brien, with a well-groomed beard.
You're the type of spy, who's using all your Leverage.
Awesome's the type of guy, who'll make you a protein beverage.
Ellie's the type of doc, who'll make a cast and give you a crutch.
You're the type of spy who (Maxwell Smart from Get Smart: Missed it by 'that' much!)
Beckman's the type of spy, with whom we correspond.
Volkoff's the type of spy, with a strong family Bond.
Jeff and his pal Lester, just can't get any dumber,
But they'll crash Big Mike's wedding, with a rockin' musical number!

I'm that type of spy. Je-effster! Jeffster!
I'm that type of spy. Je-effster! Jeffster!
I'm that type of spy. Je-effster! Jeffster!
I'm that type of spy. Je-effster! Jeffster!

B-U-Y M-O-R-E is the place to be.
To buy nuclear weapons, or an HD TV.
Bombs aborted, drug cartels thwarted, Blu-Ray discs sorted.
Heh, we'd use another set, but NBC just can't afford it.
I'm the type of spy, playin' Xbox "Medal of Honor".
My Dad is Captain Archer, and my Mom is Sarah Connor.
I'm the type of spy with a Castle in my basement,
Where I eat a Cold Cut Combo (*nom nom*), cuz, you know, product placement.

I'm that type of spy. Su-ubway! Subway!
I'm that type of spy. Su-ubway! Subway!
Five! Five dollar! Su-ubway! Subway!
Five dollar footlong! Su-ubway! Subway!
So delicious!

Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. Ha ha ha haaa!

(Sam Axe from Burn Notice: You know spies, a bunch of bitchy little girls!)
Track Name: Sheldon's Delight
Sheldon's Delight
A parody of "Rapper's Delight" by the Sugar Hill Gang,
about the TV series "The Big Bang Theory".
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski All rights reserved


Howard: Okay guys, the competition is about to start, instrument check...Check, they're registering, everything is hooked up. Headset mike check… (Guys: "check, check" ) …Yep, we're all set.

Leonard: Now remember what's at stake here. The first place winners with the highest total score win free platinum level lifetime memberships to the live online gaming network.

Raj: I call dibs on the freestyle verse, I'm going pwn this thing with my rhymes.

Sheldon: The quality of your rhymes is irrelevant; we'll get the bonus points as long as any sound goes through your headset mike. An incessantly yipping hyper Chihuahua would do just as well as you.

Raj: Whatever, just be ready to call me Slumdog Chamillionaire.

Video Game Voice: Rockers, Online! Players, are you ready?!

Leanord: Okay, guys, this is it, here we go!

Video Game Voice: Hit it!

Verse 1 – Leonard
I said a hip, hop, the hippie, the hippie to the
Hip, hip, hop, a you don't stop a rockin' to the
Math, science, history, unraveling the mystery,
It all started with a big bang. (Guys: BANG!)
Now what you hear is a science test,
An experimental beat.
And me, Sheldon, Howard, and Raj
Will get the high score to defeat.
See I am Leonard Hofstadter,
And I'm saying our hellos. (Guys: Hello!)
I'm a Pasadena California genius geek
Who can't tolerate lactose.
In my black-framed specs, I work at Caltech,
A doctoral physicist.
But like dark matter, when it comes to girls,
I can't prove that I exist.
Got a neighbor named Penny, a waitress/actress,
Hottest blonde I've ever seen.
And I know one day we'll be the cutest couple
Since David and Darlene.
Well so far you've heard my voice,
But I've brought three friends along.
And next up is Howard Wolowitz,
So come on, man, sing that song!

Verse 2 – Howard
Check it out, I'm the bowl-cut, V-neck, ladies man.
When I was born, women rejoiced.
When I play doctor, I'm horrible,
But I still make the ladies moist. (Guys: Ewww!)
Girls, if you ever come over to my house to eat,
You'll see that I'm no poser.
A candlelit dinner, until my Mom says,
(Howard's Mom: "HOWARD, IS THAT KOSHER?!")
So I say that's it, we gotta leave this place.
On my Vespa, before too long,
We'll head down south, me in my Han outfit,
You in a Slave Leia thong!
To a San Diego Hotel, Motel,
Holiday Inn! (Guys: Say what?)
Comic-Con, on an' on, an' on, on, an' on,
We'll get it on with epic win!
I've got a master of engineering degree.
May be small as a mouse, but I'm M.I.T..
When I'm not with Raj going place to place,
I'm all up in my girlfriend's aerospace.
Before I met sweet Bernadette,
I fantasized Katie Sackhoff.
And I once built NASA a robot arm.
(Leonard: And then he used it to j-) Okay, enough, Leonard!

Verse 3 – Raj
Koothrappali, I like to party.
Straight from New Dehli, I don't bother nobody. I'm,
Worshipped at, like the Temple Lotus.
(Howard: You're doing the wrong song!) Like they're going to notice!
I'm the astrophysicist
Most likely to say 'dude!'
And though I am Hindu, I'll have a cow,
Because I don’t like Indian food.
Yes, this Post-Doc was born to rock.
Got a flow that just can't miss.
So check out my breakdown freestyle rhymes,
As we go a little something like this!

[SFX: door opens, closes]

Penny: Hey guys, what's going on?

Raj: (*makes barely audible noises while others are talking*)

Leonard: Oh, hi Penny.

Penny: Oh, you're playing that Rock Guitar video game thingy.

Sheldon: And we're losing valuable freestyle bonus points because of you!

Penny: What?

Leonard: It's Raj's freestyle verse.

Raj: (*whispers to Howard*)

Howard: No, I can't rock the mic for you!

Sheldon: Penny, we need you to leave now. Penny! Penny! Penny! Penny!... (etc.)

Penny: Okay! I'll just grab my share of the Chinese take-out and go!

Leonard: Thanks, sorry.

[SFX: door opens, closes]

Howard: Okay, she's gone, Raj.

Raj: …AND I WON'T STOP ROCKING 'TIL I RETIRE!

Verse 4 - Sheldon
It's time for Doctor Sheldon Cooper
To take the mic and sing.
Theoretically, I could recount for you
"The History Of Everything".
At the age of fourteen I left the U of T,
Summa cum laude with a PhD.
Then I got another, and a Masters too.
Hollin' 1-8-7, that is my IQ.
I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast,
I'm just stating the fact that I'm smart the most.
When I solve string theory I'll be a smash,
And my fame will come faster than the Flash.
But for now I'm roommates here with Leonard,
And his inferior lot. (Guys: Hey!)
And I'll be a grouch if I find on our couch
That you're sitting in my spot.
Whether Halo, paintball, or CCGs
I'll defeat most any cretin.
Like that evil guy, (Evil Wil: "Game over, Moon Pie!")
My nemesis Wil Wheaton!
I'm a logic rock, like Mr. Spock,
But if I'm not feeling my best.
I'll [*knock knock knock*] Penny! Have her sing "Soft Kitty"
Rubbing Vicks over my chest. (Howard: Try Kaopectate?)
Just like Mee-maw did, when I was a kid,
And as soon as I feel well.
We'll all go stop at the comic shop,
'Cause we're their #1 clientele!
When I order dinner my instructions rival
Laws for corporate mergers.
My friends say I need a fast food restaurant
That can serve Aspergers.
My associate Amy Farrah Fowler
Has an intellect quite awesome.
And my friends here like to speculate
On whether love will Blossom.
And of course they're right, we'll move down to Texas,
I'll become a gospel singer.
We'll watch football and have lots of sex.
(Guys: Really?) (*Sheldon laughs*) BAZINGA! (Guys: *groan*)
You've fallen for one of my classic pranks,
That give all my friends big smiles.
I've got a flatscreen TV so I can see
My "Doctor Who" torrent files!

Leonard: Everybody!

Guys:
With a hip, hop, the hippie, the hippie to the
Hip, hip, hop, a you don't stop a rockin' to the
Math, science, history, unraveling the mystery,

Sheldon: It all started with a big bang.

Guys: BANG!

Video Game Voice: Game Complete!...

Leonard: Yeah, we did it!

Howard: The leaderboard is loading, let's see how we did.

Video Game Voice: You got… Second place!

Guys: What?!?!

Sheldon: Who could have possibly have beat us?

Raj: The name of the band who won is "Suck It Sheldon, Wesley Crusher Rules".

Sheldon: WHEEEEEEEATOOOOOOOOONNN!!!!!
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Devo Spice - All You Can Tweet
All You Can Tweet
A parody of "All You Can Eat" by the Fat Boys, about Twitter
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2009 Luke Sienkowski


Luke Ski: Hello?
Devo Spice: Luke, it's Devo. The Fat Boys are back!
Luke Ski: What?!
Devo Spice: They're at Original Fat Boys dot com, and they're also on Twitter!
Luke Ski: Oh my god, there they are! Their handle is @TheFatBoys, Follow, hit refresh, and, WHOA!

Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Luke Ski: They've tweeted 327 times today!
Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Devo Spice: What is that, one tweet per pound?

Luke Ski: I signed up for Twitter, so now I can tweet.
Devo Spice: Now I'm a update my status
Luke & Devo: to a funky beat!
Devo Spice: Follow all your friends, and just like that,
Luke Ski: You can stalk 'em all day, if you know where it's AT! (@ @ @ @...)
Devo Spice: Link to a picture, movie, or song,
And if it's 'not safe for work', I'm a pass it along!
Luke Ski: On my PC or
Devo Spice: Phone!
Luke Ski: From the time I 'Tink',
I'm typing literally everything I think:
Devo Spice: "Got boogers on my fingers while stopping a sneeze."
Luke Ski: "DON'T CANCEL 'DOLLHOUSE' PLEASE!!!"
Devo Spice: "I voted for Obama, cause I like his big ears."
Luke Ski: "Been tracking Dominos, and now my pizza is here!"
Devo Spice: I'll tweet all the time, no matter where I am.
Luke Ski: "I just took my Uncle Louie to his rectal exam!"
Devo Spice: When using letters and numbers, you gotta be discreet,
'Cause A-Hundred-And-Forty
Luke & Devo: Is all you can tweet!

Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Devo Spice: "This weekend, can anybody help me move?"
Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Luke Ski: "I'm on Netflix streaming, watching 'Krush Groove'!"
Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Devo Spice: "I love the smell of freshly washed socks."
Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Luke Ski: "You can just call me the Human Tweet Box!"

Devo Spice: Yo Luke Ski, whose tweets are these?
Luke Ski: Hey Devo Spice, they're celebrities!

Devo Spice: There's Ashton!
Ashton: "Oh my god, my wife is such a MILF!"
Devo Spice: Wil Wheaton!
Wil Wheaton: "Sorry PenguiCon, I have to cancel again."
Devo Spice: Adam Savage!
Adam Savage: "We're gonna blow stuff up real good!"
Devo Spice: Miley Cyrus!
Miley Cyrus: "I'll be 18 in 13 months, wink!"
Devo Spice: And Weird Al!
Weird Al: "Stop sending me your stinkin' parody ideas!"
Devo Spice: Rainn Wilson!
Rainn Wilson: "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
Devo Spice: Paula Abdul!
Paula Abdul: "May I mambo dog face to the banana patch?"
Devo Spice: Conan O'Brien!
Announcer: "TWITTER TRACKER! TWITTER TRACKER! TWITTER TRACKER!"
Devo Spice: Kevin Smith!
Kevin Smith: "Writing more jokes about gays and weed."
Devo Spice: Taylor Swift!
Kanye West: "Yo, I'm a let you finish, but Beyonce writes the best tweets ever!"

Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Devo Spice: I better back this all up, in case there's a 'Wipeout'!
Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!
Luke Ski: Hey Devo, how do you spell 'Bdddt, bdddt, bdddt, bdddt, stick 'em!'?
Chorus vocalists: All you can tweet!

Devo Spice: Alyssa Milano!
Luke Ski: "I do NOT hate fat people!"
Track Name: Devo Spice, featuring the great Luke Ski, and Dual Core - Platform Wars
Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
You can see me in homes wherever you happen to be
Not to mention landfills and a couple of dumps
Because you need to be replaced every couple of months
Macs on the other hand last for years
Because it takes you that long for you to dry your tears
When you realize you spent enough to renovate some rooms
And the only software you can run is iTunes
I got software that can do anything
From run the space shuttle to help you sing
They help you write when you get stuck, invest and make a quick buck
Millions of titles, yeah, and all of them suck
They got a clunky interface and they waste too much space
And they crash so damn much your table needs a leg brace
You really should try a Mac, sorry, but no I won't
You think I like the iMac and iPod well iDon't

Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
And I run all the best games in the industry
Well I got games too, dude, what's with the greed
I can run Snood, that's all I really need
What about Office? At my job we've got to
I can run Office, I just choose not to
I can get by with Open Office and with Google Docs
They're completely free to me and also they completely rock
PowerPoint is powerless and pointless like a butter knife
Outlook always leaves me with a crappy outlook on life
Excel only excels at crashing with is absurd
And all the other apps suck too...WORD!
I'm doing just fine without any of that crap
In face my Mac doesn't have a single Microsoft app
So, what, you want a medal? What do I care?
Try getting some songs off of your iPod there
Don't tell me that you never crash 'cause I'll call shenanigans
'Cause you freeze in place like a room full of mannequins
I've seen you when it happens, you sit there and smile
And watch the pretty colors spin around for a while

Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
And I'm a Linux box, heh, well obviously
The fact that you're a toaster kinda gave it away
So how's life as an appliance treating you today?
You can mock me, but you'll never stop me, I got game
Only toaster on the planet that can claim to run MAME
Compiling my operating system's a breeze
And I can burn toast as easily as DVDs
You compile your own OS? Dude are you nuts?
You trust Microsoft to do it and you're calling me the yuts?
You wouldn't catch me doin' that unless you gave me a lobotomy
So we agree on something, now go away you bother me

("I'm a PC" cameos, in order of appearance: Stan Gregory, EMC from Positive Attitude, A-Log, Michael Fordice, Alchav, Jered Perez, Brian Risner, Mario Camou, Ken Sherlock, Odd Austin, Eric Brown (as Donald Duck), Kristi, Sam Hill)
How many PCs we got around here anyway?
group: YO!
I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes

Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm a PC
And I'm more affordable than he will ever be
Well you get what you pay for, oh don't start
You paid for a computer and got a piece of modern art
Well you're about the ugliest thing I've ever seen
And have the blue screen of death burned into your screen
You're overpriced, underpowered, and slower than soccer
With more kernel panics than Orville Redenbacher
*achoo* Well what have we here?
Better renew your antivirus software another year
I'll bet that you're regretting all those links you clicked
A marriage counselor couldn't resolve that conflict
Well I can download porn, yeah so can I
The only difference is that I don't get a virus when I try
You got a stupid mouse, you got window pains
You have to bow to Apple's whim, you're where the error reigns
Well you suck, well you suck more
Your mother wears army boots, what are you, four?
You big meanie, what, you gonna run home and cry
You're a stinky poopy-head, I know you are but what am I?
Track Name: Carrie Dahlby, featuring the great Luke Ski, Worm Quartet, Power Salad, Devo Spice, & Wyngarde - Wreckin' By The Book (The Cake Wrecks Song)
Wreckin' By The Book (The Cake Wrecks Song) – by Carrie Dahlby
A parody of "Cooking By The Book" by Lazy Town (with Li'l Jon mash-up as seen on YouTube),
about Cake Wrecks dot com, the web blog devoted to professional cakes gone hilariously wrong, created by Jen Yates
Written by Carrie Dahlby, rap lyrics by the great Luke Ski
Performed by Carrie Dahlby, with special appearances by the great Luke Ski,
Devo Spice, ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad, and Wyngarde of the Nick Atoms.
Music & Engineering by Chris Mezzolesta


ShoEboX:
I pile on the frosting
In green and fuchsia lumps
This work is so exhausting
That my spelling talent slumps

Chris Mezzolesta:
I'll wish you "heppy bertty"
Or "Happy Hallydays"
Or "Happy Falker Satherhood"
For this year's Father's Day...

Carrie:
It's a piece of cake to make a wrecky cake
Just be a little lazy
Don't gotta do the cooking by the book
Just make it weird and crazy
Never use a classy recipe
Just gob on frosting daisies
If you throw away your cooking book, then you'll wreck a cake
We've got our Cake Wreck made
Our Carrot Jockeys cake
Finally it's time to wreck a cake

Devo Spice:
Wrecking cakes has its own science
Quotation marks abound
Decorate with raw defiance
Making chocolate fecal mounds

Wyngarde:
Don't tell me "I want sprinkles"
If that is what you want
I'll squeeze out "I want sprinkles"
In a pretty frosting font

Carrie:
It's a piece of cake to make a wrecky cake
Cake wrecks dot com will tell you
You also gotta buy her funny book
That Amazon will sell you
You do not hafta be the "Ace of Cakes"
Just make a fondant fish stew
If you do the wreckin' by the book, then you'll wreck a cake
On Superbowl Sunday
We'll make a wrecky cake
Finally it's time to wreck a cake
And on our wedding day
We'll make a wrecky cake
Finally it's time to wreck a --

Luke Ski:
Break it down, Jen! Show all bakeries why
They should have a spelling test before hiring some guy!
Grab some cupcakes, slather icing inch high,
Make a Curious George that'll make a kid cry!
That pink tarantula? That's a cake wreck!
That daffodil pony? That's a cake wreck!
That flaming armadillo? That's a cake wreck!
That groom's slab of beef? That's a cake wreck!

Carrie: Luke Ski:
It's a piece of cake to make a wrecky cake What!?
Just be a little lazy Okay!
Don't gotta do the cooking by the book What!?
Just make it weird and crazy Yeah!
Never use a classy recipe Cake!?
Just gob on frosting daisies Wreck!
If you throw away your cooking book Yeah!
Then you'll wreck a cake

Luke Ski:
Cake wrecks dot blogspot dot com
Has the cakes that are the bomb!
Army men like Vietnam?
Made by pros, not by your Mom!
Naked Mohawk baby carrot jockeys rule the world
In a vortex of doom, trapped inside a puce swirl!
It makes your head spin, like you're on a Tilt-A-Whirl!
I saw Darth Vader with a baby, "It's A Girl!"

Carrie:
You gotta do the wreckin' by the book! Cake!

Luke:
Yeah!!!
Track Name: Insane Ian, featuring the great Luke Ski - CosPlaying FanGurls
CosPlaying FanGurls by Insane Ian feat. the great Luke Ski
Parody of "California Gurls" by Katy Perry feat. Snoop Dogg
New lyrics by Ian Bonds. Rap by Luke Sienkowski

Luke Dogg: Greetings Hot Girls,
Dress like You're Nerdy.

1)
I know a place
Where a lot of things are nerdy
Chicks in outfits
That get me thinking thoughts so dirty
Dressin' in corsets (Luke Dogg: Don't forget bustierres)
They stayed up all night sewing costumes (SCHOOL NIGHT)
(Luke Dogg: You got that Hot Glue Gun, Girl!)
We Gawk as they Walk
Jaws drop as they enter the ballroom (Quagmire: ALL RIGHT!)

Their attention to detail
They worked all week to impress other geeks
Costumed heroes in chain mail
I think I'm falling in love,
Oh, oh oh, Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh!

Chorus 1
Science Fiction Gurls, they are so popular
Slave Leia, bikini in gold
Dark Green Skin on all of the Orion Gurls!
Oh, oh-oh, Oh, oh-oh-Orion!
(Luke Dogg: 7 of 9? Pff...'nuff said!)

Fantasy FanGurls, (Luke Dogg: Fangurls)they are so literal
Pointy eared elves will raise my point
Hermione's so hot, but not yet legal
Oh, oh-no, No, oh-oh-oh-no!
(Luke Dogg: I like that Steam Punk with Junk in the Trunk, girl!)

2)
Pose for photos
With Stormtroopers in Stilettos (Luke Dogg: Yeah)
They freak out the geeks (Luke Dogg: You know it, baby!)
Dressed as some obscure heroes (or villians)

You could travel the world
From Comic-Con to Con, they got it going on
They are just every day girls
Who love what I love!
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh!

Chorus 2
Superhero Gurls, they are spectacular
Super short skirt on Supergirl
Makes me wanna watch as she flys away
Up up up and away! Up up up and away!
(Luke Dogg: Dressed like Sue Storm, You're looking Fantatsic! ...Wait, where'd you go?)

Video Game Girls, they are so digital
Lara Croft's Tomb is over-Raided (Luke Dogg: Yeah!)
Chun Li's thunder thighs will win the Street Fight
Hi, hi-ya, ya, Hi, hi-ya, hi-ya!

[Luke's Rap Verse]

Dragon*Con or San Diego,
I'll go wherever they go.
PAX East, West coast.
These are the girls I love the most.
Elastigirl makes my Pix-heart twirl.
Save the cheerleader, save the world.
(Roger Rabbit: Pblblbleeease!) that Jessica dame.
Starbuck's the same, hot as the coffee with her name.
There's Evie with Kaylee,
and from BSG, 6 is a 10 to me.
Dr. Girlfriend with her deep sexy voice
shows Kim Possible how to get boys.
Wonder Woman, tie me up!
Costume contest, line 'em up!
Cheetara, Inara, Zatanna,
With Uhura, led by Queen Amidala,
Leela, and Xena, (Xena yell: Haililililili!)
Got the power like She-Ra.
(Chris Waffle: Uh huh!) Judge Chris Waffle tells every cutie,
Chris Waffle: C'mon fangirls, shake that booty!

Chorus 3
CosPlaying Fangurls, they are incredible
From comic books to anime
Spandex is a privilege, it is not a right
Oh, oh-oh, Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

CosPlaying FanGurls, they are so popular
Guys fight for a picture with them
Fin'ly found some girls that will talk to us!
Oh, oh-oh, Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

Science Fiction...and Fantasy Gurls
(Luke Dogg: You know I wish they could all be CosPlaying FanGurls...)

Science Fiction...Double Feature Show.
(Luke Dogg: Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Amy Pond...You can all be MY companions)

(c) 2010 Idolize W.A.Y. Recordings/Insane Ian. All Rights Reserved
Track Name: Flat 29, the great Luke Ski, & Carrie Dahlby - Sneaking Snacks Into The Cinema
Sneaking Snacks Into The Cinema
An original rap song about sneaking food into movie theatres.
Written by Daniel P. of Flat 29, the great Luke Ski & Carrie Dahlby

VERSE 1:
DAN: There's nothing on the radio or on the T.V.,
So I'm going to the cinema to catch a movie
Starring Pitt and Clooney as handsome spies,
With Angelina Jolie and a load of other guys.
Called up to see how much the tickets would be.
I got in free by pretending to be an O.A.P..
When I got there I was feeling hungry like Pac-Man,
So I made a beeline for the snack stand.
CARRIE: Good afternoon I really hope you are enjoying your stay.
My name is Carrie. Can I get you any snacks today?
DAN: I'll have some popcorn in a tub so big you need a ladder,
A bucket of Coke double the size of my bladder,
And this bag of pick-and-mix that I filled with Jelly Snakes.
CARRIE: Anything else? DAN: Yeah, and have one for yourself.
I'm feeling pretty generous. So how much'll it be?
CARRIE: Well sir, that comes to $48.50.
(ALL: NOOOO!!!) DAN: WHAT? There's no way I can afford it.
And if I would have thought it, I never would have bought it.
Better cancel everything I've got so far.
Well, I think I left my money in the car. (SFX: car door shuts, drives away)
LUKE: Everything I do in life, and I don't mean to be crude,
Comes down to practicality, sex, entertainment, and food.
And to me, the last two, they go hand in hand,
So at the movies I attack the frakkin' snack stand!
I order items off the menu in a kind of a blur
'Til I black out and then wake up and then find out what they were.
CARRIE: For the large pretzel bites in Wisconsin cheese,
Take this saw and hand over an arm and a leg, please.
LUKE: Soon I starting to get worried about going into debt.
CARRIE: The Whoppers cost a testicle. LUKE: Which, the right? CARRIE: No, the left.
And if you want the crunchy Nachos, either spicy or mild,
then simply hand over your family's first born male child.
LUKE: What the Hell? I just came here to watch a cartoon mouse!
I shouldn't have to go and get a second mortgage on my house!
I'll surely miss the movie if the usher kicks my tail out,
So I asked Barack Obama for a federal bail-out.
(ALL: NOOOO!!!) DAN: Hey Luke Ski, this is daylight robbery!
LUKE: Seriously! This is no way to run A.M.C.!
So Dan, my man, here's the plan, voila!
We're gonna start – DAN & LUKE: sneaking snacks into the cinema!

CHORUS 1: (CARRIE AND RICH:)
When I want snacks at the movies,
I won't pay their extravagant fees.
Just can't afford it.
I'm being extorted.
I'll commit to a life of crime,
Buy a Twix at the five-and-dime,
And I'll be sneaking snacks into the cinema.

VERSE 2:
LUKE: Popcorn at the movies is the ultimate snack.
DAN: But if you buy it at the supermarket in a multipack,
It's just as nice, about a tenth of the price,
And if you stick it in your bag no one will look at you twice.
LUKE: I bought oversized pants, quadruple XL,
So I can fill them up with cookies, and no one can tell,
Donuts in my pocket, 'cause that's my style.
They got me making Row C look like the bakery aisle!
DAN: I always keep a can of soup in my hip flask, nobody asks.
I stick it in my sock and walk straight past,
And cover up my hands in cottage cheese,
And tell securities that I've got a terrible disease.
LUKE: I've got a foot-long hotdog, one in each sleeve.
DAN: Hey, be careful with the ketchup, or we'll be asked to leave.
LUKE: And I need a disguise for this bag of French fries.
DAN: Man, just tape them to your face and leave a space for the eyes.
LUKE: I got a pint of Peri Peri in a Holy Grail chalice,
Hidden in a fuzzy soldier hat from Buckingham palace!
CARRIE: Hey! I see you two with that food there! DAN: Wanna share?
CARRIE: Sure, they don't pay me enough to care!

CHORUS 2: (CARRIE AND RICH:)
When I want snacks at the movies,
I won't pay their extravagant fees.
I'm feeling pensive.
They're so expensive.
The employees will never guess,
Buy some chips at Tesco Express,
And I'll be sneaking snacks into the cinema.

VERSE 3:
DAN: ­I ate five Christmas hams watching "Silence of the Lambs"!
LUKE: I ate some Vindaloo watching "Iron Man 2"!
CARRIE: I ate sugar free gelato while watching "Chicago"!
DAN: ­I ate some bruschetta watching "V For Vendetta"!
LUKE: I ate a beef log watching "Princess And The Frog"!
CARRIE: I ate a Jimmy John's Porker watching "Rocky Horror"!
DAN: I ate a whole loaf a bread watching "Dawn Of The Dead"
LUKE: I ate flan, on and on, watching "Tron" and "Black Swan"!

CHORUS 3: (CARRIE AND RICH:)
When I want snacks at the movies…
- DAN: I ate a planet of grapes while watching "Planet Of The Apes"! -
When I want snacks at the movies…
- LUKE: I ate seven strips of bacon watching Kevin Bacon! -
Lock me up, I have no regrets,
Long as I have my Raisinettes,
And I'll be sneaking snacks into the cinema.

DAN: I ate a cheese soufflé watching "Groundhog Day"!
LUKE: I ate a cheese soufflé watching "Groundhog Day"!
DAN: And then I ate a cheese soufflé watching "Groundhog Day"!
CARRIE: ­I ate a juicy peach watching "The King's Speech"!
DAN: I could sneak in more food if my leg was prosthetic.
LUKE: Want a Milk Dud? CARRIE: No, dumb ass, I'm diabetic!
ANNOUNCER (Charlie): Ladies and gents, our feature film today:
"The Smurfs" 3-D directed by Michael Bay!

ALL: NOOOO!!!
LUKE: What the!?!
DAN: Oh thanks guys, is this your idea?
LUKE: Whose idea was-?
CARRIE: ­Laaaame.
LUKE: Carrie! I am not gonna see a chick flick directed by the biggest moron in Hollywood!
Track Name: Snoopy The Dogg
Snoopy The Dogg
A parody of "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)" by Snoop Doggy Dogg,
about Snoopy, and the characters from Charles Schulz's comic strip "Peanuts".
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski


{Peppermint Patty: Hey maestro, how's about a little tune to liven up the evening?... That's what I like about you Chuck, you really know how to throw a party.}

[*trombone teacher sounds*]

{Lucy: Augh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
Snoopy: Waaaah!}

Snoopy the dog!
Snoopy the dog!

From the streets of St. Paul, come home, I bounce.
Snoopy the dog, snoozin' atop my dog house.
I may play it Joe Cool, but I know my place,
As a world famous World War One flying ace.
T'was a dark and stormy night, when I grabbed my ammo,
Faced that curse-ed Red Baron in my Sopwith Camel. {Snoopy: Whooa!}
I'm livin' my life as I wish,
And I do a happy dance when there's food in my dish.
If Woodstock is ever under attack, (Flabby fat cat!)
I'll smack the cat next door, because I got my birdie's back!
(Yeah, the king of 4-panel strips,
We rule United Feature Syndicate!)
What's my supper-lovin' name?

Snoopy the dog!
Snoopy the dog!
[vocalists scat to the tune of "Linus and Lucy"]

It's the round-headed kid, sigh and a frown,
On the pitcher's mound, Good Ol' Charlie Brown.
Gonna win the baseball game is his big belief.
A line drive blew his clothes off again. {Linus: Good Grief!}
Peppermint Patty calls him 'Chuck', and thinks he's fine,
But it's the little red-haired girl who gets his Valentine.
Lucy's a thug, watch her lie like a rug,
Pull the football away, he flies and lands with a (UGH!)
No shock, he's a blockhead who always gets mocked.
Christmas gets him down, on Halloween he got a rock.
After losing yet another to the Kite-Eating Tree,
He said, ["Why is everybody always picking on me?"]

Snoopy the dog!
Snoopy the dog!

[Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more,
The Bloody Red Baron was rollin' out the score.
Eighty men died tryin' to end that spree
Of the Bloody Red Baron of Germany.]

Now Linus believes the Great Pumpkin's in the air.
The blanket-toting thumb-sucker just don't care. (Yeah.)
Sally's 'sweet babboo' won't face the truth.
Needs some help from the nickel psychiatry booth. {Lucy: Nickels, nickels!}
Lucy's temper is huge.
Begrudge a fuss-budget who dislikes my pooch smooch. {Lucy: Bleah!}
Thinks to Schoeder she's bethrothen,
But he just ignores her, playin' Beethoven.
Steppin' with Peppermint Patty.
A tomboy with Marcie doting on her. (Don't call me 'sir'!)
But forget all them, 'cause there's no equal to me, the street beagle. {Snoopy: Hey!}
What's my Charles-Schulz-in' name?

Snoopy the dog!
Snoopy the dog!
Snoopy the dog!
Snoopy the dog!
[vocalists scat to the tune of "Linus and Lucy"]

[spoken over outro:]
Hey, what's this cloud of smoke? Oh, it's just Pig-Pen.
Let's go meet up with Franklin at Knott's Berry Farm, only 10 miles from the LBC.
Thanks for everything Sparky. We miss you. Peace.

[No dogs allowed.
Fee fee fi fi fo fo fum,
Who wears a yellow shirt with a zigzag on the front?
Walks in the classroom cool and slow,
Racin' for his life at 8 years old.
B – E – A – G – E – L !]

{Charlie Brown: Rats!}

{Lucy: I oughta slug you!... You blockhead!}

{Charlie Brown: Why can't I have an ordinary dog like everybody else?}
Track Name: Red Bank, NJ
Red Bank, NJ
A parody of "Denton, USA" from the movie "Shock Treatment",
about the films of Kevin Smith ("Clerks", "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back", etc.)
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski


Veronica: You'll find slacker Clerks, profane banal chats,
And shopping centers, all full of Mallrats, in Red Bank.
Dante: There's Jay and Silent Bob, with drugs to fence,
Alyssa: and baby-voiced lesbians, in Red Bank.
Jay: You'll see fallen angels make a Catholic slay-ground.
Red Bank is a real effed-up town.
Get a burger with Mooby-moo-cheese, [*moo!*]
And prophets smokin' –
Silent Bob: (*sound of taking a big toke inhalation*)
Jay: - Snootchie bootchies!

Kaitlin & Veronica: We ain't exactly goodie-goodie-two-shoes,
A bunch of savages with good news,
(Walt: Tell 'em Steve-Dave!)
That R-E-D B-A-N-K, is A-O-K,
If you're straight, or you're gay!
Jay: If you're looking for a place to get high,
Veronica: And your girlfriend did it with a dead guy,
Jay: Again and again,
Veronica: And again and again,
Jay & Veronica: And again!

EVERYBODY: Red Bank, Red Bank, we're a – Star Wars think tank,
Di – scussing Death Star casualty,
(Roofer: Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risk involved.)
Leonardo, where that – Willum lardo
Will – see a magic-eye schooner,
(Willum: When do I get to see the sailboat?!?!)
Meet a Black Panther poofter!
(Banky: What's a Nubian?)
(Hooper X: Shut up, tracer!)
We're – Red Bank, Red Bank, New Jersey!








Randall: This is the place where you're judged morally,
Veronica: If you sell cigarettes,
Randall: But it's okay if your girl's orally,
Veronica: Involved with 36.
(Dante: Including me?)
(Veronica: 37.)
(Dante: Oh my God!)
Randall: At the video store, it's the customers I mock.
Jay: And God? You bet! It's Alanis Morrissette!
Brodie: And Mr. Fantastic can elongate his-
(Brodie: -what the? That kid is back on the escalator again!!!)

EVERYBODY: Red Bank, Red Bank, we've got – monkeys to spank,
We're – taking them 'cross the country.
(Jay: In a world gone mad, the monkey will spank us.!)
Leonardo, the Quick – Stop is charred, oh no!
"Finger Cuffs" is gropin',
But – I assure you we're open!
We're – Red Bank, Red Bank, New Jersey!
(Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!)
Red Bank, Red Bank, we've got – Kevin to thank
For – movies made for you and me.
(Zack: Wanna make a porno?)
(Kaitlin: Not this Jersey girl!)
Red Bank, Red Bank, they just – want us to crank
Out – comics, cartoons, and toys,
For – fangirls and fanboys,
We're – Red Bank, Red Bank, New Jersey!
Jay: NAGA-NOOCH!

[Silent Bob: …I… …I got nothin'.]
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Devo Spice, Insane Ian, & Bud Sharpe - It's Good To Be The King
"It's Good To Be The King"
A parody of "Down With The King" by Run DMC feat. Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, about the movies and career of Mel Brooks
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2010 Luke Sienkowski


Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Just spoil me! Humiliate me! Only do it! Do it! Hump! Hump! Hump!
Jacques: *whistles* It's good to be the king!

Opening Chorus:
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!

King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king! - It's good to be the king! -
It's good to be the king!
Rabbi Tuchman: It's good to be the king!

Verse 1: (Luke Ski)
[1961-1973: The 2000 Year Old Man,
Get Smart, The Producers, The Twelve Chairs]
Down with Mel Brooks, the king comedy hero stands,
Ever since Reiner spoke to the 2000 Year Old Man.
Start with Get Smart, causin' CHAOS so much grief.
86 is out of CONTROL. [Maxwell Smart: "Sorry about that, Chief".]
Cuttin' much looser, Producers know how to really shock.
Doom fills the room, Leo Bloom and Max Bialystock.
'Springtime For Hitler' should have made the people grous,
But those hotsy totsy Nazis started bringing down the house.
It's always hysterical, and wet, and in pain,
Whether Zero and Wilder, or Broderick and Lane.
Twelve Chairs, one with jewels, some men with no scruples,
Getting drunk with 'two Russians, one rubel'.

1st Chorus:
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!

King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king!
Leo Bloom: Blue blanket! Give me my blue blanket! AaAaAaHh!
Taggart: What in the wide, wide, world of sports is-a goin' on here?

Verse 2: (Devo Spice)
[1974: Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein]
Long long ago, in the old West,
Bart wore a tin star on his chest.
With the Waco Kid, finger on the trigger,
But Rock Ridge flipped, because the sherrif is a (*bell clang*)
'Harrumph harrumph harrumph!' is what the governor said, he
Told the bad guy Heddy Lamarr. [Hedley Lamarr: "That's Hedley!"]
What Taggart and Mongo learned soon of course,
Was never underestimate the power of the schwartz.
Meanwhile in Transylvania, what an eyesore.
Dr. Fronkensteen met Inga and I-gor.
Pretty soon Fred reanimated the dead.
His manner's informal, 'cause his brain's Abby Normal.
The monster scared Kemp and the villagers to bits.
But before too long, they were "Puttin On The Ritz".
His bride was a looker who liked is schwanzstucker,
And don't forget FRAU BLUCHER! (*horse whinny*)

2nd Chorus:
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!

King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstien: Sed-a-give?!
Josephus: Aw, seize this, honkus!
Court Spokesman: Remember, thou art mortal!
Marcus Vindictus: Oh, blow it out your ass!

Verse 3: (Insane Ian)
[1975-1986: Silent Movie, High Anxiety,
History of the World: Part I, To Be Or Not To Be]
Mel's having some fun, big stars do his schtick.
He'll make a film with no sound that's full of slapstick.
He had some High Anxiety, a pooping bird flock.
That psycho bell boy can suck his Hitchcock. [Brophy: "I got it!"] (*thud!*)
Next he did a testament to History. (*break!*)
He brought us some commandments that were once fifteen. [Moses: "Ten!"]
Josephus danced his way into a big orgy,
Until he flunked the eunuch test, and then he had to flee.
The Spanish Inquisition you would never expect,
All the singing they are bringing while they're wringing your neck.
The dumb scum of France [Madame DeFarge: "Fronce"] on Bastille Day
Is after Count De Money. [Count DeMoney: " Dee-Moe-Nay! Dee-Moe-Nay!"]
Was a french piss boy mench without a drop of wealth.
And in 'To Be Or Not To Be', he said, 'Heil myself'! [Col. Erhardt "Schultz!"]
His Hamlet's a disgrace, but he's in Der Feuhrer's face,
Put Hitler in his place, and up next is Jews In Space!

3rd Chorus:
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!

King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king!
Comicus: When you die at the palace, you really die at the palace!
Col. Sanders: Get me the videocassette of "Spaceballs: The Movie"!

Verse 4: (Bud Sharpe)
[1987-present: Spaceballs, Life Stinks, Robin Hood: Men In Tights,
Dracula: Dead And Loving It, Broadway Musicals)
Once upon a time warp, out in the stars,
Druish princesses drove flying cars.
Dark Helmet was a nerd in a big garbage can.
Lone Starr's gotta Barf! [Sean Connery: "You're the dog now, man!"]
Yogurt's merchandising's coming out of his big ears,
So why are there no Spaceballs action figures?
Lone Starr wed Vespa and beat that fake Sith dude. [Dark Helmet: "Aaah!"]
Dot needs a tissue, May the Schwartz be with you. [Dinks: "Dink!"]
If you think that Life Stinks, just like Blinkin' who blinks,
Straight from Sherwood, it's Wesley- Robin Hood!
Must pick the lock on the girl he's betrothing.
Merry Men are loathing wearing women's clothing.
Achoo is the new black sherrif, I reckon.
Defeat Dracula who looks just like Frank Drebin.
On Broadway, Mel keeps it gay, and someday his muse it will
Hopefully lead to making 'Spaceballs: The Musical'!

4th Chorus:
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!
It's good to be the king! It's good to be the king!

King Louis XVI: It's good to be the king!
Yogurt: May the Schwartz be with yooooouuuu!
Max Bialystock: When you've got it, flaunt it! Flaunt it!

Buddy's Singers: Throw out your hands! Stick out your tush!
Hands on your hips! Give them a push! You'll be surprised,
you're doing the French Mistake! VOILA!! (*dancer trips up*)
Director Buddy Bizarre: All right, CUT! WROOOONG! (*whop!) Okay, just watch me, it's so simple, you sissymearys! Gimmie the playback! And, watch, me,-

Igor: Walk this way!
Sheriff of Rottingham: Walk this way!
Igor: Walk this way!
Miriam: Walk this way!
Luke Ski: She told me to-
Igor: Walk this way!
Sheriff of Rottingham: Walk this way!
Igor: Walk this way!
Miriam: Walk this way!
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Dan of Flat 29 - WalkingSilly
WalkingSilly
A parody of MotownPhilly by Boyz II Men, about Monty Python's Flying Circus
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski


[Eric Idle: We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating.]

[Michael Palin: I, I have a, a silly walk, and I would like to obtain a government grant to help me develop it.]

[John Cleese: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any further as is, this is getting too silly.
Graham Chapman: Quite agree, quite agree. Silly is silly is silly. Right, get on with it. Get on with it!]


Monty Python,… Monty Python,…
Monty Python,… Monty Python,…

[*organist chord*]

[John Cleese: And now…]

[Michael Palin: It's…]

[*liberty bell*]

WalkingSilly once again,
Doin' that Monty Python thing.
Ministry of Silly Walks.
My parrot no longer talks.

I'd like to talk to you tonight
About the place of the nude in my bed. (What a giveaway!)
And now a choice a viewing on BBC,
How not to be seen. [*explosion*]
Squashed by cartoon feet. (Pthbth!)
Conrad Poohs and his dancing teeth! (Crelm toothpaste!)
We're all out of cheese, but we got half-a-bees,
Ratbag: And all the berry rat tart you can eat! Eric Idle: Appalling!
Ratbag ladies recreate Pearl Harbor every night.
John Cleese: My hovercraft is full of eels.
John Cleese: My nipples explode with delight!
I'm a super-hero-man
Who needs someone to fix his bike, (Bicycle repair man!)
And if you have ever slept with a lady, (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge,)
Please tell me what it's like! (Say, no, more, SPLUNGE!)

WalkingSilly once again,
Doin' that Monty Python thing.
Bride: Just one mattress would be fine!
[*bucket noise*][Graham Chapman: I'm not coming out!]
Salesmen: What did you say that for? Bride: But it's my only line!

Spiney Norman: Dinsdale!

Lemon curry… Lem-,… Lemon curry…

Gavin Millarrrrr: Some people have made the mistake of seeing Luke Ski's work as a load of rubbish filled with pop-culture references. But clever people like me who talk loudly in song parodies see this as ingenious cross-marketing to get nerds to buy his albums.

[*bong!*] [Eric Idle: Start again!]

We ate Robin's minstrels, and there was much rejoicing.
French Taunter: I fart, in your general direction, your mother was a hamster!
(Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni, Ni!)
Licenced my fish so it could spawn,
But I slapped a dancer with 'em, he's withdrawn.
And now I ask myself,
Terry Jones: I wonder where that fish has gone?
I'm a lumberjack and though I may seem rather queer,
I hope someday I'll be, the Upper Class Twit Of The Year!
I don’t like to eat a crunchy frog,
But the albatross is okay.
And I came here for an argument, (Yes it is! No it isn't! Yes it is! No it isn't!)
Don't just contradict what I say! (Yes it is! No it isn't! Yes it is! No it isn't!)
(Oh, shut up!)
WalkingSilly once again,
Doin' that Monty Python thing.
Bruces teach philosophy. ('Ere! 'Ere!)
Bruce: Rule six, there is NO verse three!

Announcer: And now the breakdown by the new R&B group, Boyz II Gumby!
[*crashing noises*]
Gumbys: Hello? Shut up! Sorry! Are you the harmony specialist? Hello! My brain hurts! Shut up! It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday! Sorry! I bang bricks together for the tempo! Ooohh!

Flying circus! Monty Python. - Flying circus! Monty Python. -
Flying circus! Monty Python. - Flying circus! Monty Python. -
Flying circus! Monty Python. - Flying circus! Monty Python. -
I bet you they won't play this song on the radio.

Ian MacNaughton:
Now check this out, one day back in London,
Six guys wanted a show.
They come up to me, I said 'Well, what's your name?'
[John Cleese: Monty Python!]
Hey, I don’t know what you're saying.
Then I said, 'Alright fellas, well let me see what you can do.'
So they all put on Viking outfits and said,
'Yo Ian MacNaughton, check this out, see if this one moves you.'

Vikings:
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spa-am,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spa-am,
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-am, Spa-am,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, (Ratbag: Shut up!)
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spa-am,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spa-am,
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-am, Spa-am,
Spam, Spam, Spam! (Ratbag: Bloody vikings!)

WalkingSilly once again,
Doin' that Monty Python thing.
Aristocrat: I am Brian and so is my wife! Brian: You bastard!
Always look on the bright side of life.

[John Cleese: Right. Who's got a boil on his semprini then?]
[Graham Chapman: What's all this then?]
[Eric Idle: Oh, you're no fun anymore!]
[Cartoon Woman: That'll teach you to be normal!]

Eric Idle: I won’t interrupt this song for a pound.

I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition.

[Michael Palin: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPA- oh, bugger!]
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Carrie Dahlby - Anime Fan
Anime Fan
A parody of "Candyman" by Christine Aguilera, about Japanese animation.
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© Luke Sienkowski 2010


Luke: Yankee cartoons were always boring him.
Carrie: What happened then? What happened then?
Luke: Started watching shows from the Pacific rim.
Pikachu: PIKA!
Tetsuo: KANEDA!
Soun: RANMA!
Ranma: AAAAAAAHHH!!!
(SFX: Explosion)

Hey, Yu-Gi-Oh, yeah!

I met him playin' PokeMon in the school yard.
He caught my eye right after he captured my card.
Had Dragonballs, for a date he asked.
He showed up for it dressed up as Tuxedo Mask.
Once he made me swoon, he saw my Sailor Moon.
He's a Speed Racer, Star Blazer, Anime fan.
A Miyazaki, eatin' Pocky, Anime fan.

Oh, yeah!...

He really used his G-Force on my Robotech.
Just like Voltron, "I'll form the head!"
Every Gundam he came Macross, mastered like a toy. (A collectible toy)
This cyberpunk is my own Astro Boy, (Oh!)
But behind closed doors, he's my Gigantor.
He's a saki brewster, bio-booster, Anime fan. (Oh yeah!)
A mecha flyer, Mack Guyver, Anime fan.

Ba-shoo-ba-do-dwee-dop, bop, shoo, bop, ba-Cowboy-Bebop-oom-bow,… …Bow bow!
Hey yeah!
Sha-doo-ba-dwee-ba-Cowboy-Bebop-bow!
Sha-doo-ba-dwee-ba-Cowboy-Bebop-bow!
Sha-doo-ba-dwee-ba-Cowboy-Bebop-bow!
Cowboy Bebop bow!

(dialogue over those 12 measures:)
Main Boy: Hi cute girl! I am the shy main character,
and I have a crush on you!
Cute Girl: But I have a crush on that very handsome boy!
Handsome Boy: That's me!
Cute Girl: You must fight him for my love!
Main Boy: Did I mention I'm a robot super-weapon too? (SFX: tech)
Handsome Boy: Uh, oh!

Pretty boy divine, I'm his Valentine.
He's a transformin', disproportioned, Anime fan. (Oh!)
A.M.V. makin', Cosplayin', Anime fan.

Whoa yeah!

Now just like InuYasha, I obey at his word.
He stole my heart, like Lupin the 3rd.
Vash the Stampede's big Trigun. (Ah!)
I'm a horny girl, and flying high like Lum!

Luke: Ranma and Akane fighting at the beach.
Anime fan, Anime fan
Luke: To clean their bikinis, they gotta use Bleach.
Anime fan, Anime fan

Tenchi Muyo, Anime fan
Hair's a bright mop, eyes pop, bigger than a chef's wok.
Slayers, Lain, Anime fan
Huge mallet whop, blood snot, embarrassed massive sweat drop.
Ah My Goddess, Anime fan
Likes my boobs hot, jigglin' won't stop, here's a panty shot.
Fan service…

And now we're both grown-ups with flair.
I'm his La Blue Girl, and we're a Dirty Pair.
Ditch the smut you got. "My porn has a plot!"
He's a Hentai watchin', happy crotchin', Anime fan.
A wang attackin', tallywackin', Anime fan.
A likes 'em curvy, super pervy, Anime fan.
A gonna rock you, King Otaku, Anime fan.

Aaaaahhh, yeah!

Anime fan!
Anime fan!
Anime fan!
Anime fan!
Anime fan! Anime fan! Anime fan! Anime fan!...

(dialogue over those 12 measures:)
Cute Girl: I'm the cute girl, skipping my way to junior college.
Scrotor: (SFX: flash) I am Scrotor, demon from the 5th realm!
Cute Girl: My, what big tentacles you have! What will do with those?
Scrotor: Heh, you're about to find out.
Cute Girl: Well I'm secretly a ninja warrior!
Taste my blades naughty demon! Hi-yah! (attacks him)
Scrotor: (SFX: Sword) Ow! Ow! Hey! Hey! Watch it! These are sensitive!

Luke: Kaneda and Tetsuo got into a fight.
Army guys: Destroyed Neo-Tokyo, freaky mutant might.
Luke: Team Rocket's blastin' off at the speed of light.
Army guys: Jesse and James and Meowth, that's right.
Luke: Nine tailed demon fox Naruto was shunned.
Army guys: Fought to become Hokage, and he won.
Luke: Light got out his book, and ended our fun.
Army guys: Wrote a Death Note about us, and now we're done.
Track Name: Blues Campbell
Blues Campbell
An original blues song, about actor Bruce Campbell and the Evil Dead Trilogy
Lyrics by Luke Sienkowski
© 2010 Luke Sienkowski


[4 measure intro]

A long time ago 'cross the border of Tennessee,
In the woods in a cabin, just a few good friends and me.
Got my girlfriend Linda, thought we'd soon head to bed.
Til we played a tape of some guy readin' the Book of the Dead.
Now Scotty's possessed, from his sockets slime gushes.
The woods are alive and they trimmed Cheryl's bushes.
Chopping up Shelley and burying her to me once seemed brash,
But after one night in this cabin, you can all kiss my Ash!
Decapitated Linda with a shovel,
while the rest just turned to ooze.
(spoken: While I'm composing, they're decomposing!)
I got the Necronomiconexmortis
bodily dismemberment Kandarian blues

That shaky-cam demon snuck up on me quick.
Now I'm flyin' through the forest while Sam Raimi hits me with a stick.
The bridge was out, so I ended up stranded.
My right limb got possessed, man those demons are underhanded.
"Who's laughing now?" I said as I chopped it off at the wrist.
Now my right hand is a chainsaw, I got my shotgun, and I'm pissed.
Henrietta the heinous horror hag is screamin' out with bliss,
"I'll swallow your soul!" So I told her, "Swallow this!" [SFX: Shotgun blast!]
Sucked the demons into a vortex, and me too,
facin' a fate I can't refuse.
(spoken: For God's sake, how do you stop it?)
I got the "The Evil Dead", "Evil Dead II", "Army Of Darkness",
starring Bruce Campbell blues.

[12 measure guitar and/or piano solo - the singer shouts various things:]

Time for a solo! Ted! Gimmie some sugar, baby!
Make love, the Bruce Campbell way!
Oh, that's just what we call pillow talk, baby!
Hey, don't touch my car, it's a classic!
The gore the merrier!
Keep the blood running down the screen!
…All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up!

Used to work at S-Mart, was a normal kind of guy.
Now I'm a 14th Century hero, the prophesized "man from the sky".
Defeating the Pit Bitch got their attention quick.
So I held up my sawed-off and told them, "This, is my BOOMSTICK!"
In a windmill fighting mini-mes, this Shempin' isn't fun.
My bad clone called me goodie two-shoes. "Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun."
Said "Klaatu Barada Ni-*cough*!", which is a reference to some old movie.
Raised an army of Deadites, then slaughtered them all. Man it was pretty groovy!
Now I'm back workin' at S-Mart,
fighting witches who are shopping for shoes.
(spoken: That's aisle 13, next to Houewares!)
I got the "Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no.
But basically I said them, yeah." blues.

I got the 8-millimeter Great Bogus Monkey Pignut Swindle
Michigan blues.
I got the "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys", "Xena: Warrior Princess",
Autolycus blues
I got the "The Adventures Of Brisco County Junior", "Jack Of All Trades",
"Spider-Man" blues
I got the "The Man With The Screaming Brain", "Bubba Ho-Tep"
"Fanalysis" blues.

[regular song tempo stops, blues sting between every title said by singer]

I got the Crimewave! Maniac Cop! Moontrap! Lunatics: A Love Story!
Mindwarp! Hudsucker Proxy! Congo! Escape From L.A.!
McHale's Navy! Love Bug! Serving Sara! Sky High!
Buuuuurn Notiiiiice!...
My… Name… Is… Bruce.
Oh, yeah! Hail to the king, baby!

[song ends]

Spooky voices: JOIN US! JOIN US! JOIN US!...
Ash: *crazy laughter*

[fade out]
Track Name: Serenity
Serenity
A parody of “The Remedy (I Won’t Worry)” by Jason Mraz, about the film “Serenity”.
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski


[Wash: This landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define "interesting".
Wash: “Oh God, oh God, we're all going to die?”
Mal: This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then - explode.]

Drivin’ a Firefly’s such a hassle.
Gettin’ yelled at by Mal, he’s the king of the Castle.
Meanwhile Jayne wants to Chuck his grenades from the store,
And when he runs out he’ll have to Buy More.
Let’s be bad guys, do some thievery, she’ll sense any deceiver,
Though poor River is naïve, her psychic powers felt the Reavers,
So we leave there – with our cash bounty,
Thanks to River and Simon who hide on Serenity.

Serenity – is where they gotta live.
They’re on the lam like drifter orphans.
Meanwhile the enemy, is called the Operative,
And he’s been to the desert, no remorse and no name.
A horse opera that’s played across the stars.
Shoulda paid off the twins and then rolled out,
‘Til River doled out bruises and scars,
When she goes koo-koo for Fruity Oaty Bars.

“I – swallowed a bug” and ate it, - is what River said, but now
I'm – afraid I’ll get Terminated, - like the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

[Kaylee: Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!
Mal: Oh, God! I can't *know* that!
Jayne: I could stand to hear a little more.]

Mr. Universe talking on the radio.
Says the whole damn ‘verse is a reality show.
Uncovering the Numb3rs in the ad that made her flip.
Jayne and Mal started to argue about who will run the gorram ship.
Well he can’t. Mal received an Anna-gram,
Where Inara that V, She is of peace always.
Cannot faze O.P.. Bomb and flee.
They escaped from that Dollhouse onto Serenity.

Serenity, - named for a battle lost,
Has got a crew of unsung saviors.
‘Op’ says that River Tam, is just an albatross,
And no, you don’t get any wafers with it.
The mystery that River’s head contains,
Is answered by passing by Reavers,
Which is the biggest fear of Jayne’s,
Because all they want to do is eat your brains!

I – want a pony and a plastic rocket, - Buddha, please.
I – aim to misbehave, so suck it! – Shepherd Book, I believe.

A whole planet laid down, and said their goodnights.
Nobody even read them their Miranda rights.
So we brought on a war. I’m a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.

Crash land Serenity, - when we saw River dance,
It was a graceful fight to watch, dude.
Joss Whedon made the flick, he got a second chance,
And then, Oh my God, he killed Wash! You bastard!
The Operative saw a world without sin,
After Captain Hammered his face in.
Set off for space with all of his friends,
And we finally got some closure in the end.

I – am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar. – Oh, oh.
Si – mon and Kaylee got it on, but fans want more. They want more, I want more-
I – own this movie on DVD and Blu-Ray. – Oh, I love Fire-
-fly – and I hope Nathan buys it someday, yeah! – Oh, because, oh,
I – want more epic adventures - with Mal and the crew. Oh,
I – can’t wait to see “The Avengers” – How about you?

Can’t stop, can’t stop, can’t stop,
You can’t stop the signal, no way.
Can’t stop, can’t stop, can’t stop,
Zoe’s gonna have a kid one day.
Can’t stop, can’t stop, can’t stop,
You can’t stop the signal, no way.
Can’t stop, can’t stop, can’t stop,
You can’t stop the signal, no way.
You can’t stop the signal, no way.
You can’t stop the signal, no way.
You can’t stop the signal, no way.
Track Name: Smeg Head
Smeg Head
An original hip-hop song about the BBC's British Sci-Fi Sitcom "Red Dwarf" (© Grant Naylor Productions)
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2011 Luke Sienkowski


Verse 1:
You're an ouroboros orphan who became a technician
For the Jupiter Mining Corps for a mission,
And you scream as you're blasting off to the stratosphere,
"It's cold outside! THERE'S NO KIND OF ATMOSPHERE!"
…So now what do you do?
Eat 13 pounds of chicken curry and vindaloo!
Deep spaces. 3 MILLION YEARS IN STASIS!
Now you and your Cat are on a first name basis. (Cat: Ow!)
Ms. Koshansky? You could finally be hers,
'Cause you're the last human male in the universe!
So hang a U-turn at the nearest star,
While Holly's head banging to your rock guitar!
You're a SMEG HEAD! If you bathe every week.
In the loo, out of time, take a Stasis Leak.
You're a SMEG HEAD! Hope you're wearing a cup,
'Cause the boys from the Dwarf are gonna smeg you up!

Verse 2:
You're highly evolved, your evolutionary roots
Are a cat named Frankenstein. A LITTLE RICHARD PUSS 'N BOOTS!
You're a fashionable pilot, drinking some Chablis,
Not a Tongue Tied, buck toothed, mop head, Dwayne Dibley.
Take your seafood away, and you're bound to get bitchy,
Sayin', "I'M GONNA EAT YOU LITTLE FISHIES!"
…Or maybe you're a robot mechanoid,
Who was rescued after crashing on some random planetoid.
Cleaning gutters with the Scutters, a domestic spacer
With a head that looks like a chewed pencil eraser.
WILL YOU ACHIEVE HUMANITY? There's no way to know,
Maybe Silicon Heaven, where the calculators go?
You're a SMEG HEAD! (Cat:) If you ever doubt me,
I'm so vain, that I probably think this song is about me!
You're a SMEG HEAD, IF YOU'RE A POLYMORPHER!
Damn, it feels good to be a Dwarfer.

Rimmer: Kryten!
Kryten: Yes, Mr. Rimmer, sir?
Rimmer: My memorial statue which I erected for myself hasn't been dusted in over 13 hours. Do you have anything to say?
Kryten: Yes, sir, I do have something to say. You're a smmmmmmmm!
Rimmer: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
Kryten: You're a smmmmmmmm heeeeeeeee! (continues to struggle)
Cat: Hang on, goalpost-head! Maybe he's trying to say that old cat word, 'snarf'?
Lister: No, Cat, what he's trying to say is that there is no frelling way he's going to take orders from a Mudblood muggle prat like him.
Rimmer: I still outrank you, Lister. Oh, just spit it out, you metal gimboid!
Kryten: Actually, what I was trying to say is, "Frak off, you gorram, ruttin', scruffy-looking nerf herder, smeg head!!!(*laughs*)
Lister: That's it!
Cat: Yeah, you got it!

Verse 3:
You're a snack machine repairman, returned from the dead,
With a big letter 'H' stuck to your forehead.
Even as a hologram, the highest ranking recruit,
But it takes you 5 minutes just to do a salute.
You complain that in life that good luck was bereft.
Well just take a Dimension Jump to the left,
And discover a much cooler version of you does exist.
Ace: "Smoke me a kipper, I'LL BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST!"
Ride the Rimmer Experience all sanguine,
Or go mad with Mr. Flibble the penguin.
Buy hey, I wouldn’t say that you're a total putz.
You looked DEATH in the FACE and you KICKED HIM IN THE NUTS!
You're a SMEG HEAD! If your space corps directives
Always getting misquoted, and your hard light's defective.
You're a SMEG HEAD! If you think you're so macho,
But you run away from danger, and you're hot as gazpacho.
You're a SMEG HEAD! If you married a Gelf.
If it's too weird for words, justify yourself!
You're a SMEG HEAD! Just go to Fiji to surf,
'Cause the Red Dwarf posse's coming Back To Earth!
Track Name: It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return Of The Magi
It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return Of The Magi
A series of mini-parodies of Christmas standards about things popular in fandom.
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2010 Luke Sienkowski


Santa: Ho Ho Ho! Now Dasher, now Dancer… (etc.)
YosemiteBear: Oh my god! Octuple Reindeer! All the way across the sky! It's so intense! What does it mean?

(Intro music starts)

Luke Ski: It means it's time for "It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return of the Magi"!

Opening Chorus
(same tune as the Choruses of the first two versions)

It's a Fanboy Christmas, the third part of the carol,
And now we're really scraping, the bottom of the barrel.
Insert a joke about Legolas as one of Santa's elves.
At this point we're just doing this to entertain ourselves.

Harry Potter's Jug Band Christmas
(to the tune of "Brothers" from "Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas", about the Harry Potter books/films)

Kermit: Hi Ho, everyone! And now Jim Henson and J.K. Rowling present, "Harry Potter's Jug Band Christmas! Yaaaay!

What awkward teens we are,
In training to be wizards,
Running from Voldemort.
He might tear out our gizzards.

Hagrid: Who wants a-mess-a Hagrid's barbeque?

Against the dark arts we'll defend.

Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Snowths: Doot doo, do do doo!
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Snowths: Doot doo, doot doo!

There's a hole in the bottom of the Horcrux.
Will this pubescent voodoo end?

Waldorf: What do you think of the magicians?
Statler: I wish they'd all disappear!
Statler & Waldorf: (laugh)

Wizards!

Ron: Harry, why is he so green?
Harry: 'Cause he's a-

Lizard!

Hermoine: Actually, he's a frog.
Kermit: Oh, thank you, Hermione.
Miss Piggy: Take this you Potter puppet pal! HI-YA!
Kermit: Glah!

Carol Of The Matrix
(to the tune of "Carol Of The Bells", about "The Matrix")

Neo's my name. Had hacker fame.
Met Agent Smith. What's the Matrix?
Found Trinity. She's into me. Dude, dude,
Here, take this pill. Soon, I felt ill. Dude, dude,
Real life is Hell. I'm Duracell. Dude, dude,
War with machines. Digital dreams. Dude, dude,
I'm feeling dread. Plug in my head. Whoa…
Now, what to do. I know Kung Fu?
Oracle fun. Says I'm 'The One'. Whoa… Whoa…
Feel like a goon. There is no spoon. Wyld Stallyns! Excellent!
Cypher's a prick. He played a trick. I am Keanu Reeves, I am a good
Morpheous gone. Let's get it on. actor, the girls think I'm cute.
I can do the limbo dodging bullets. I can do the limbo dodging bullets.
Birth of Jesus Christ for hacker zealots. Birth of Jesus Christ for hacker zealots.
I'm Superman. Sequel's the plan. Whoa, whoa…
Wish me good luck. Hope they don't suck. Whoa, whoa…
I saved the day. I am not gay. Whoa, whoa…
No way! Yes way!... Dude! Whoa… Dude!

Away On An Island
(to the tune of "Away In The Manger", about "Lost")

Away on an island, mysterious and green
Sit all the survivors of flight 8-15.
They're trying to flag down Santa in his sleigh,
But all of "the Others" have scared him away.
Now handing out cookies to lighten the mood
Is their jolly fat man who always says "Dude!"
Their "12 Days Of Christmas" is sung different than you.
4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

Up On The Buy More
(to the tune of "Up On The Rooftop", about "Chuck")

Up on the Buy More, dressed in black,
Volkoff's agents sneak attack.
Sarah and Casey whipped their tales
Through Morgan Grimes' Black Friday sales.
Set your eyes on retail spies!
You'll get pestered by Jeff and Lester!
Who got the Intersect through dumb luck?
Down in a flash is Nerd Herd Chuck!

I Saw V Ships
(to the tune of "I Saw Three Ships", about "V")

Sara: Honey, we have visitors!

I saw 'V' ships come flying in,
Across the sky, they all said 'Hi.'
I saw 'V' ships come flying in,
Are they a friend or an enemy?
And what was in those ships of 'V'?
Got human skin, but green within.
And what was in those ships of 'V'?
That hooker chick from "Serenity".

Little Tony Stark
(to the tune of "Little Saint Nick", about "Iron Man")

Well, he flies in the sky in a suit of red,
He's in full body armor, doesn’t need a sled.
Yeah, his girl Pepper Potts keeps things clean and calm,
So he drinks egg nog 'til he's totally bombed.
He's Little Tony Stark. Little Tony Stark.
He's Little Tony Stark. Little Tony Stark.
Ooh, ooh, Merry Christmas, Iron Man!
The Avengers comes out next year!
Ooh, ooh, Merry Christmas, Iron Man!

Must Be Pac-Man
(to the tune of "Must Be Santa", about "Pac-Man")

Who is the guy who's yellow and round?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man is the guy who's yellow and round!
Who eats ghosts with a chomp chomp sound?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man eats ghosts with a chomp chomp sound!
Who gobbles quarters when you move joysticks?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man gobbles quarters when you move joysticks!
Who's kill screen is 256?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man's kill screen is 256!

Luke, ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian:
256! Move joysticks!
Chomp chomp sound! Yellow and round!
Must be Pac-Man!
Must be Pac-Man!
Must be Pac-Man from Namco!

Here Comes Mario
(to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus", about "Super Mario Brothers")

Here comes Mario, here comes Mario,
Punch blocks, grab-a them coins!
Mushrooms and flowers give me powers
To kick Bowser in the loins.
Heard the Princess got me a present,
So I headed to her place and said "Wii!"
But when I got there, Toad said "Sorry,
Your gift's under another tree." Luigi: Mamma mia!

Here comes Mario, here comes Mario,
Holidays getting me stressed.
Can't buy games for my old school GameBoy.
What a load of D.S.!
Italian stereotypes these days
Don't-a get-a respect-a no more,
So me and Luigi are gonna go stomp
Those Goombas on Jersey Shore!

Devo: Why is the angel on top of your tree playing video games?
Luke: Well, every angel needs a Halo!
Glados: Who would like some fruitcake? It's so delicious and moist.
Devo: Sure, I'll…
Luke: No, Devo! The fruitcake is a lie!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Zombies

(to the tune of "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas", about the video game "Plants Vs. Zombies)

It's beginning to look a lot like zombies
Are out on my lawn.
Plant some sunflowers there to grow,
And soon the next thing you know,
You've got a botanical arsenal at dawn. Zombies: Of the dead!
So I'm gardening Plants Vs. Zombies.
Soon the squash will smash.
On PC or on Xbox live,
Productivity takes a dive
With this monster mash… Zombies: potatoes!
Soon we'll turn to Ash.
Ash: Gimmie some sugar plum fairies, baby!

The Pretty Little Dollhouse
(to the tune of "The Pretty Little Dolly" by Mona Abboud, about "Dollhouse")

The pretty little dolly can fight.
The pretty little dolly can sing.
After Topher programs Echo's brain, she'll do anything!

Echo: Did I fall asleep?
Boyd: Joss, for a little while.

The pretty little dolly can cook.
The pretty little dolly can spank.
It's your choice! Betty Crocker, or a dominatrix skank!

Echo: Merry Christmas!... Was I my best?

It's The Most Horrible Time Of The Year
(to the tune of "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year", about "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog")

It's the most Horrible time of the year!
With the evil I'm blogging,
And Moist sing-alonging, Captain Hammer will fear,
Because it's Dr. Horrible's time of the year! Mua ha ha ha haaa!

Penny: You might want to be on your best behavior.
Dr. Horrible: Oh? Why's that?

Bad Horse Santa
(to the tune of "Bad Horse Chorus" from "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog", about Santa Claus)

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!
He rides across the planet, with reindeer who can fly.
He's got a sleigh with presents sailing 'cross the sky.
But if you have been naughty, next morning you will cry.
Your only gift, a lump of coal, so being good should be your goal.
Santa, Santa, Santa, he's good!
The elven league of elves, is making lots of toys,
And he'll deliver them to the good girls and boys.
So go clean up your bedroom, and knock off all the noise!
You'll get a P.S.3 because it's "Ho Ho, Rudolph!" Santa Claus!

Dr. Horrible: You're right! Let's Santa-suit up! It's a brand new day!
Captain Hammer: No, it's Christmas day!
Moist: No, it's Felicia Day!

Zaboo Santa Claus?
(to the tune of "Zat You, Santa Claus?", about the webseries "The Guild")

Codex:
December night an',
The Knights Of Good are fightin'.
Put my game on pause.
At the window, who is it?
A Hindu Father Christmas? Zaboo: Hey Codex!
Zaboo Santa Claus?

Blades and Tink are having a brawl.
Vork rings a bell to get change at the mall.
Clare's at Game Stop, left her kids in the car.
And Zaboo wants to date my avatar.

Filled with glee, in
My world of R.P.G.in',
I found someone to join my cause!
Me and Sheldon will be beatin'
Fawkes / Evil Wil Wheaton!
And Zaboo… Sheldon: Game on!
…Santa Claus!

Cylon Toasters Start To Open Fire
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire", about "Battlestar Galactica")

Cylon toasters start to open fire,
Nuking humans off their land.
Caprica Six uses sexual desire
To manipulate Baltar by his gland.
Soon "By your command" will be heard throughout the Battlestar.
Filling colonists with fright.
Unless Starbuck finally leaves the bar,
They'll find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that ships with F.T.L.
Filled with Terminators will blow them straight to Hell.
But every cylon shouldn’t be decried,
'cause there might be a scared teenage girl inside.

And so I'm offering with care and ease
To folks who like the number 42,
Although it's been said through my dumb parodies,
Have a Fanboy Christmas,
And a Trekkie New Year,
Merry Christmas, to you.

Col. Tigh: If you think we're ending this frakking song down tempo, you're out of your Gods damn mind! Hit it!

Jingle Bell Spock
(to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock", about classic "Star Trek")

Ba-dump bump bump!
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell Spock!
Jingle bell guys on the Enterprise!
Kirk is off work, cruisin' neutral zones.
Have hot chocolate to warm your Bones.
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell Spock!
A snowball fight with Corbomite!
Merry is Harry Mudd in your eye! Sulu: Oh my!
The red-shirts survive! Redshirts: Yaaay!

The Mugato's getting blotto.
The Gorn make up the band.
Captain Pike's there in his light chair.
Khan has mistletoe for Janice Rand.
Pointy-eared logic Scrooge, follow a star.
Your holiday time's amok!
Here's an Orion Slave Girl gift for Pon Farr!
That's the jingle bell,
Scotty: Give 'er all ye got, commander!
That's the jingle bell Spock!

Devo: So now that you've done three of these, you're not doing any more, right?
Luke: Of course not.
ShoEboX: Really?
Luke: BAZINGA!
Ian: D'oh!
Chris: Peace on earth! Good will towards men!
Carrie: We are of peace, always!