4th Grade Talent Show

by the great Luke Ski

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    The 11th full length comedy music album by 'the great Luke Ski' features his Logan Award winning parody medley about Disney acquiring the Star Wars franchise, "When You Wish Upon A Death Star". He also pays tribute to Scooby Doo and media mascots of the 80's, as well as breaking down the day in the life of a modern T-Rex.

    Luke also gets a bit more real, discussing unwarranted fandom outrage, the current financial paradigm for independent musicians which can sometimes lead to an artist mowing his fan's lawn (which actually happened), and of course, never-ending neurosis. In any case, this 'fake adult' welcomes you all to the "4th Grade Talent Show".

    Includes unlimited streaming of 4th Grade Talent Show via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 21 the great Luke Ski releases available on Bandcamp and save 70%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Twilight Zone, Greatest Hits Volume 2: 2004-2009, 4th Grade Talent Show, Because Of Bob: Luke Ski's Kickstarter FAWM album (songs I wrote about people for money), Fake Adult, Psycho Potpourri!, Carpe Dementia, Uber Geek, and 13 more. , and , .

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credits

released August 14, 2014

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the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

I am a Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor at Cartoon Network. The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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Track Name: Fake Adult
(4 measure intro)

Verse 1:
I don't mean to be gender specific, but I
think an adult is a guy in a suit and a tie
who smells like aftershave, and has a mustache.
Wallet full of cash, won't do anything rash.
Has a big wooden desk, and his checks never bounce
'cause his job is adjusting financial accounts.
His last name sounds really important like 'Johnson',
like that guy from “Parks and Recreation”, Ron Swanson.
That describes me. ...Pfffsh, NOT!
My development wasn't arrested, it was taken out back and shot!
Execution style. Since then my inner child
has had free reign to just go buck wild.
Adolescence is where my brain decided to stick,
so when I rent a car it feels like a magic trick,
as if I pulled a fast one, but it shouldn't feel weird
considering I got my license when “The Simpsons” premiered.

Chorus 1:
Luke: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Kids: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

Verse 2:
When my Dad was my age, he had a wife and four kids,
and a house and two cars, and handled it like a whiz.
Me? I got a wife, and a couple of cats.
And the house and two cars? Yeah, my wife owns all that.
Um, I own a laptop which I got through Kickstarter,
and artistic skills which I sometimes will barter
for help with my music, and the whole time I know
that my so-called career is just a 4th grade talent show.
My credit rating's spiraling out of control,
and my basement's not a man cave, it's a hobbit hole
with more action figures than a con dealer,
and I'd rather drink a Coke than a tequila. (Uh huh. / Yeah.)
I'm racin' online with “MarioKart” playas,
meanwhile I have no clue what a 401-K is.
I think it's when you have a job, and there's money involved?
Uh, hold on, this “Portal” level here needs to get solved.

Chorus 2:
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Luke & Kids: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

Bridge:
I'm not a grown-up, I'm just a simulation.
A counterfeit phony bogus faux imitation.
An artificial falsified misrepresentation
of a person who's of legal age is my situation.
I walk around thinking about how my whole life is a sham.
An elaborate scam. One day they'll see who I am,
then I'll be busted. My house will get raided,
and all my home-made puppets will get confiscated.

Verse 3:
Maybe I should wise up and make it my mission
to learn the name of at least one local politician.
Mmm, Oh, I just can't do it!
It's all right, I get my news from “SNL” and Jon Stewart!
“60 Minutes” bores me, and is it so heinous
that I'd rather go to Disney World than to Las Vegas?
I'd rather watch David Spade as a llama than any drama,
But then I remember the words of President Obama...
[“The time has come to set aside childish things”]
...I don't know Barack, to me, it seems
that my generation was the first with the mentality of,
'growing older doesn't mean you abandon what you love'.
We embraced it, though our fears remain still,
so if you feel illegitimate, it's time to get ill!
If you're a fake adult like I've described in this song,
throw your toys in the air (Waa!), and sing along!

Chorus 3:
Luke & fake adults: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Luke: One more time!
Luke & fake adults: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.

Outro verse:
I need to set my TiVo for those new cartoons “Wander Over Yonder”
and “Steven Universe”, then on Twitter I'll ponder,
which was the better talking pig movie, “Babe” or “Gordy”?
Maybe “Charlotte's Web”? Oh and another thing, I'M FORTY!!!

(music stops, 2 measure break filled with desolate wind sound effect, followed by kid heard singing softly off in the distance)

Outro Chorus:
Kid: I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
(fades out over last 4 measures)
I'm a fake adult. A fraudulent grown-up,
Which is obvious to everyone the moment I've shown up.
I'm a fake adult, and it's plain to see
I'm a master forgery of maturity.
Track Name: the great Luke Ski, featuring Carrie Dahlby - Scoob
Scoob
A parody of “Shoop” by Salt 'N Pepa, about “Scooby Doo”
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2014 Luke Sienkowski


[Opening music from the theme to “The New Scooby Doo Movies”]

Scooby: RUH?!?

[Intro (8 measures):]

Fred: Okay gang, I'm all done setting up my trap to catch the Swamp Studio Phantom! Velma, you take lead vocals and lure him in. Daphne and I will sing chorus vocals in booth two,...
Daphne: Oh Freddie, whatta man! (*sigh*)
Fred: ...and Shaggy, you'll man the sound board.
Shaggy: Like, no fair, Fred! All the craft service food is in the main booth with Velma! (*whimper*)

[Verse 1:]

Velma:
Here we go, here we go, see right through your ruse.
Gang, what's my weakness? (Gang: CLUES!) We can't lose.
Jeepers! Creepers, creaking a door hinge.
I'll don my knee-socks and turtleneck of orange.
The freaks and geeks who make some more cringe,
like Miner 49'er, Captain Cutler, Space Kook, and
wicked witches? (Scooby: Ruh?!) All fictitious. (Phew!)
I'm a skeptic who lives scientific.
A cheap sheet ghost don't make me believe
when you roll with me, Velma Dinkley.
Shaggy and I tip-toed and slipped by the bad guy so sneaky,
then he tripped and flipped us down the stairs like two Slinkys.
JINKIES! Hopefully that boy makes passes
at nerdy girls always losing their glasses
who know how you do that voodoo that you do
so well. It's not a spell. Swell! Makes me holler “Scooby Doo!”

[Chorus 1:]

Fred & Daphne:
Scoob. Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo.
Scooby Dooby Dooby Doo
Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo.
Scooby Dooby Dooby Doo.

[Verse 2:]

Ummm, the man with the plan, major ascot fan.
Freddie Jones is always ready with his Chevy van.
Mystery Machine rolls into the action.
Watch Fred set off a Rube Goldberg contraption.
Pull the switch and SNAP! Monster's in our trap!
Or maybe not. Who got kidnapped?
Of course it's Daphne Blake, looking lovely.
Like Prinze wed, she looks just like “Buffy - [*stake vamp SFX*] -
The Vampire Slayer” with more flair, debonair.
Scarf, purple dress, and red hair.
Damsel in distress, loves Freddie the best.
Yes Shaggy ingests ice cream to excess.
Chocolate chip, honey dipped, triple-decker scoop. (Shaggy: *chomp!* *gulp!*)
Second biggest stomach in the group. The first belongs to...

[Chorus 2:]

Fred & Daphne:
Scoob. Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo. (Scooby: Baby, rey!)
13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo. (Scooby: Don't you know, I'm Scooby Doo, baby!)
He's A Pup Named Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo.
Hey What's New with Scooby Doo?
Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo.
Just Be Cool now, Scooby Doo.

[Verse 3:]

Forget about Speed Buggy, Josie and the Pussycats.
Just ask Cher, Don Knotts, or Mama Cass.
With 70's celebs we're rated
A-number-1, Mystery Incorporated!
[*“Puppy Power!” “Shaddap!”*] …I hate Scrappy. [← sound bite from T.H.B. Polka]
Happy when he's not around to make our show crappy.
(Fake Sinatra: (scats:) Scooby Dooby Doooo!)
Strangers in the night fill my doggie with fright
'til I stop canine anxiety attacks
when I bribe 'em with a whole box of Scooby Snacks.
Hiding ancient Spears, or a giant Ruby,
or pirate booty? Soon SCOOBY DOOBY DOO (← Scooby with Velma)
will find you. He's a Great Dane, unleashed off the chain.
When you hear Shaggy sayin' “WHERE ARE YOU?!”, (← Shaggy with Velma)
soon our Who-Dunnit's through.
Get a clue. You know we're down with Scoob.


[Chorus 3:]

Fred & Daphne:
Scoob. Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo.
Scooby Dooby Dooby Doo
Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo.
Scooby Dooby Dooby Doo

[Lead-in to Verse 4 (4 measures):]

Phantom: ('RAAAAAAAA!' monster noises)
Daphne: Oh my goodness! Shaggy! behind you!
Shaggy: YIKES! Like, run Scoob!
(Shaggy and Scooby scream while Phantom chases them roaring) [*doors opening/closing*]
Fred: Get him to chase you into booth one by Velma!...
Velma: ...He's coming this way! Ooh!

[Verse 4:]

Shaggy (with Scooby): ZOINKS!
Like, S to the D wanna snack with me? Cool! (Ruh-huh!)
Fillin' up with glee (Reah!), from my bellbottoms to my goatee. (Rat's right!)
I'm mainly known for my cowardice. Beef Sweet-And-Sour dish?
Mmm, Mmm, Mmm! I'll devour this! (*chomp!*)
Hey man don't hog that last hot dog! (Hot dog!)
Twelve inches a footlong (yum!), when suddenly a monster bog frog! (Rikes!)
Grouchy from his dirt nap. What a mishap!
Like, time to end this rap. Freddie, spring the trap! [*chunk*] We got 'em Scoob!

[Outro (16 measures):]

Fred: Now let's see who the Swamp Studio Phantom really is... [*unmasking sound*]
Everyone: DINO-MIKE!
Shaggy: He's, like, that comedy musician who did that song parody about me!
Dino-Mike: I wanted my song to be the only “Scooby-Doo” related parody! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
Daphne: There's one musician who didn't forget to stay demented!
Velma: And that solves the case of the Swamp Studio Phantom!
Shaggy: Like, at least we can eat now! Hey Scoob, pass the Salt 'N Pepa!
Scooby: Scooby Dooby Doo!
Track Name: Scooter Picnic & the great Luke Ski, featuring Lindsay Smith - I'd Buy That For A Dollar (Four Quarters Ultimix)
I’d Buy That For A Dollar!
by Scooter Picnic & the great Luke Ski, featuring Lindsay Smith

[Bum: Hey Mister! Change? Ya Got Change?
George: Oh, um, sure.
Bum: 85, 95, one dollar! Thanks, Mister!]

Kyle:
I woke up on the right side of the bed today.
Looks like everything's gonna go my way!
I got to the table, there was sushi for breakfast.
I thought it was unusual but I ain't gonna question this.
Nintendo says there's a new Donkey Kong game
and they sent me a copy to confirm it's not lame.
I thought I'd take a walk so I stepped outside
Chocolate chip cookies were just pouring from the sky
I turned on my iPod and what did I see
but a new Spinto Band album loaded up for me
Just when I thought it could't get any better
A girl walked up to me, and she was filling that sweater
She said "Hi, I'm from Hogwarts and I'm proud to announce
You're accepted into Ravenclaw. Y'wanna see me bounce?
I'm not just gonna say yes, I'm gonna holler:
I'd buy that for a dollar!

All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Kyle: Oh, what's that? I'm the 100th caller?
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Bixby Snyder: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Ian:
Let me tell you 'bout the best day I ever knew.
Won all the money in my Gamestop suit.
I went online and straight to YouTube,
And saw the "DiG DuG" video had 13 billion views.
I opened up my email and what did I see?
A treasure map to find all those copies of E.T.
For 2600 that were buried in the desert
On top was a note, and I'll read you this excerpt
"You've found the lost games, now bring them to me"
The note was signed by Christina Ricci
It had an address and plane ticket attached
It didn't take long for that plan to be hatched
I hopped on a flight, I arrived at her home
She was wearing a bikini and she handed me some scones
She gave me her number and told me to call her.
Well, I'd buy that for a dollar!

All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Ian: Do you need change? I don't have anything smaller.
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Ned's Newt: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Lindsay:
It’s the best day, I got a cake made of carrots
made for my by a flock of baby parrots!
They’re my wee, chubby minions and I’m proud to say
that the clever little birds arranged a cheese parade!
It’s lead by all the pretty Tokusatsu boys,
who are taken aback by my charm and poise.
But I’ve gotta leave before it gets to tawdry,
‘cause at 8 o’clock tonight, I play the part of Audrey
in Little Shop of Horrors, my favorite play!
And I am only just one day away
from grabbing Carey Elwes and some coffee in a flagon
and hopping aboard my rocket-powered dragon!
Gonna visit all my friends who live at a distance
and give the brand new Tally Hall album a listen!
I’m not just gonna chuckle, I’m gonna loller—
I’d buy that for a dollar!

Ladies: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Lindsay: Got Lentil by my side in his cape and collar!
Ladies: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Erin Robinson: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Luke:
I can out-Mary-Sue the three of you two,
Because today I won Monopoly while I was playing Clue.
I got the one-percenters to give teachers their salaries,
And made anti-matter bacon that's negative calories.
Went back in time and stopped the Boston Massacre
With the aid of my real working flux capacitor.
Groped Lindsay Logan when I made a pass at her. [cell phone ring]
[phone voice: Luke, I need your help!] Sure thing, John Lassetter,
I'll do the lead voice in the next Pixar flick,
But only if you bring back "The Muppet Show" quick,
And greenlight that Roger Rabbit sequel while you're at it.
[phone voice: You'll have it, dag nabbit! ] My new car is an AT-AT.
So be sure to say 'Hi' when my tour comes to town.
It's me, the Fat Boys, and Digital Underground.
Humpty says, [Humpty: Yo, Luke Ski, it's time to bust a rhyme.]
So I gave him 3 quarters, 3 nickels, and a dime, ‘cause,

All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Luke: Anything less would be putrid squalor!
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Bixby Snyder & Ned's Newt: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Kyle: I'd like to state for the record that our girlfriends / wives / whatever Carrie is, uh, were at present for all the, uh, previously stated debauchery. Uh, right fellas?
(speaking over each other:) Kyle: Yeah? Mm hmm? Yes. Yes sir.
(speaking over each other:) Ian: Yes, absolutely. Obviously. Indeed.
(speaking over each other:) Luke: Oh, of course, I mean, naturally. Uh,
Luke: Sara was fine with it, but Carrie disapproved.
Kyle: That's because she's dainty.
Ian: Extremely dainty.
Carrie: SHUT UP, IAN!
Ian: Don't you think that joke has run its course?
Everyone else: NO.
Ian: I hate you guy-[*record scratch sound effect*]

Lindsay: Guys? Guys? Fine jerks, I'm going to go play Tomodachi Life.
Track Name: the great Luke Ski & Doug Walker “The Nostalgia Critic” - The T-Rex Song (Director's Cut)
The T-Rex Song (Director's Cut)
An original spoken/hip-hop song about the life of a modern T-Rex.
By the great Luke Ski & Doug Walker “The Nostalgia Critic”
© 2014 Luke Sienkowski & Doug Walker


Doug:
A'right, so I'm walking down the street... you know, whatever... jus' minding my own business [Yeah, yeah I know]. I take a look and I see an Ice Cream Truck, and I'm like aww shit man, y'know I want some ice cream. Cuz it is a hot motherfuckin' day [Well yeah, man...] I want some goddamn ice cream, so you know I go up there all the kids are running away y'know they're like "Oh my god a dinosaur!!" Y'know all that fuck [Pussies!] and I go up there and I say "'ey, I want some mint chocolate chip ice cream." Ice cream man looks at me and says "We don't have any mint chocolate chip ice cream" [Awww...] An' I told him, I said "Dude, I really want some mint chocolate chip ice cream." He says "I'm sorry. We don't have any mint chocolate chip ice cream."...

...SO I ATE THAT BITCH!!!

Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex!
Doug: The most vicious beast to ever walk the planet.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex!
Doug: A Tyrannosaurus, not some newt in a zoo.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex!
Doug: Now gimmie some mint chocolate ice cream, dammit.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex!
Doug: And while I'm at it, I'll have a Rocket Pop too.

Luke:
I ain't made of latex, or extinct like Aztecs.
When they made us all female, I changed my sex.
Gobbling up rednecks like they were Tex-Mex.
Time for your butt to start cashing those checks
from a motherfuckin' T-Rex!

Doug:
So I'm waitin' in line at the DMV, [Oh I hate that place] y'know, cuz I moved recently and [Yeah, I know] the, the address on my insurance doesn't match the address on my license. So, you know I, I gotta go in I gotta get that changed. Y'know, they gotta match and shit. [Oh that's a pain in the ass] So I go up to the lady, she's there show her my license and I say "'ey, I need this address changed" She says "You need two articles of mail." So I show her this card that, y'know, my mother wrote me, y'know cuz it's like hey y'know my mother she writes me cards. She's fuckin' cool. Y'know she's my goddamn mom. y'know? [Yeah] So I show this to the lady, and she's like "Oh, no no... sorry. This doesn't count. [Oh shiiiit.] It has to be something that the government recognizes [Oh, that whore.] y'know like a bank statement or a bill or somethin' like that."...

...SO I ATE THAT BITCH!!!

Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*]
Doug: King of the thunder lizards, y'know what I'm saying?
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*]
Doug: I don't need your eye chart. If you move, I'll see you.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*]
Doug: I'll chomp your fat ass in one gulp without thinkin'.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*]
Doug: Now just give me my license, I got errands to do.

Luke:
While I'm drinking Beck's at the discotheques,
With DJ Velociraptor on the decks,
I'm gonna lyrically flex, and drop rhymes complex.
Straight out of a time vortex
comes a motherfuckin' T-Rex!

Doug:
So I'm online at a forum, y'know [Oh yeah?] and I'm tryin' to look up where I can get some good dinosaur porn. Cuz, y'know I'm... I'm a Dinosaur. I want some dinosaur porn [Yeah, you gotta do it, you gotta do it] So you know I'm... I'm lookin' around and ask on some of these porn forums y'know [*laugh*] "Hey, where's the dinosaur porn?" and like everyone's tryin' to act like I'm not there. They're all tryin' to ignore me uhh except for this one kid. Okay, so this one kid decides he wants to answer me. Remember his name is Bobby. Bobby Lou. What the fuck kind of name is Bobby Lou? [Aww...] An' I'm saying "Hey, where's the dinosaur porn at?" and he's like "Dude, what are you, some sort of freak?" I don't like that so okay, so I'm like "I just want my dinosaur porn, okay? I... I don't want to cause any trouble." And he says "What? You a T-Rex or something?" I say "Yeah, yeah I am a T-Rex or somethin'" an' he says "What the hell you gonna do with dinosaur porn? Your arms are so small you can't even touch it." [Oh no...]

So I found out what state this guy was in, bought a plane ticket reserved a whole entire row, you know because I'm so goddamn big, flew to Alabama to get a connecting flight. Finally got dropped off in Texas, hailed a cab, the driver didn't speak English, but I didn't care. He understood the address. So he drove me there. I rang the kid's doorbell waited a minute, he didn't answer, so I climbed into his window found out which room was his, bust open the door...

...AND I ATE THAT BITCH!!!

Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
Doug: I hacked your I.P., 'cause my skills are legit.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
Doug: You thought you could hide from me, Bobby Lou?
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
Doug: Like Goldblum said, you're one big pile of shit.
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
Doug: Adios, you dumb troll, now you're Jurassic Poo.

Luke:
A predator apex, so show your respects,
'cause I'm a Grimlock bigger than Metroplex.
Not Jonah Hex, or Professor X,
or even Luthor comma Lex
can stop a motherfuckin' T-Rex!

Luke: Hey, I got one more!
Doug: [Do it, man! Do it, man, do one more! Do one more! Yeah!Do it!]
Luke: One more. One more, here I go...

Luke:
Universal execs will make a googolplex!
More cash than those Star Wars or Star Treks.
At the multiplex in your 3-D specs,
you're gonna scream and shit your spandex
'cause of a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*]

Doug: [Aww! Ain't no way you got one more after that one.]
Luke: Oh, you think I'm out? You think I can't do it again?
Doug: [No way man, no way.]
Luke: Oh yeah, well check this shit out!
Doug: [Aww!]

Luke:
Can't wear a new Rolex, or use a Rolodex,
or put on turtlenecks, because I got no pecs,
but I'll go 12 parsecs, and fast a reflex,
I'll tear you up like you're a fuckin' Kleenex,
'cause I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*ROAR!*]

Doug: Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!!!
Luke: I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
I'm a motherfuckin' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]
Track Name: Because Of Bob
Because of Bob... I ate at Chili Jon's in Burbank for the first time in 11 years.
Because of Bob... I saw “Monsters University” with 40 of my fans and peers.
Because of Bob I found myself on the hook to throw a weekend-long party called LukeSkiCon,
And I spent a lovely Saturday in California catching rays while mowing his back lawn.

Because of Bob... I ran into Dino-Mike at Not A Burger Stand where we ate our lunches.
Because of Bob... I saw the NerdMelt open mic which had the funny jokes of Mr. Ron Funches.
Because of Bob I sang Karaoke with Kornflake, until the break of dawn,
And I spent a lovely Saturday in California catching rays while mowing his back lawn.

Because of Bob... I saw Wesley Willis art in the apartment of MC Lars.
Because of Bob... I went to Disneyland and rode that new ride based on Pixar's “Cars”.
Because of Bob I saw Goofy cutting a rug cheered on by Belle and Mulan,
And I spent a lovely Saturday in California catching rays while mowing his back lawn.

Because of Bob... Bill and Moonbeam sang the phrase “fist pork”, their Mad Lib was the source.
Because of Bob... I saw a gay robot skeleton, a late night douche, and a pantomime horse.
Because of Bob I was in the same room with Harrison Ford, but he never spoke of Indy or Han,
He just talked with Craig Ferguson about flying planes. And oh, I also mowed Bob's back lawn.

Because of Bob, I watched Game Grumps, and gained Engine Sentai Go-Onger knowledge. [Hen-shin!]
Because of Bob I learned more about how to animate from TV's Kyle in one day than 4 years in college.
Because of Bob, Devo Spice proved performing with a fire alarm blaring is really hard, [Devo: Are you serious?]
And I spent a lovely Saturday in California catching rays while mowing his back yard. Ha!

Because of Bob... I showed a crowd home movies of my Yankee Doodle Dandy tap dance.
Because of Bob... I got a free Chipotle meal and Lindsay Smith rocked the mic in a b-boy stance.
Because of Bob I got a MacBook that came with GarageBand on which I composed this song,
And I spent a lovely Saturday in California catching rays while mowing his back lawn.

Bob, Bob Bob Bob, Bob Bob Bob. Bob, BOB!!!
Track Name: The FuMP - This Is What Happens When You Give Logan A Medley
This Is What Happens When You Give Logan A Medley
A medley of Logan Whitehurst’s most popular funny songs.
Lyrics & Music by Logan Whitehurst, arrangement by Bob Emmet, produced by Luke Ski
© Logan Whitehurst 2006
LOGAN SAMPLE:
A one, a two, a one, two, three...
LUKE:
This is what happens when you give Logan a 4-track.
He writes such stupid songs all the time at 1 o'clock in the morning.
He lies awake and thinks of lyrics that are stupid, really stupid.
Listen to these lyrics. Aren't they... stupid?
KYLE: LOW VOICE 1 (Buh-buh-oo):
IAN: LOW VOICE 2:
SHOEBOX: HIGH VOICE:
[simultaneous doo-wop:]
(Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo... ...Buh-buh-oo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo...)
KYLE, AUSTIN, & SHOEBOX:
Out of the sea,
The snowman and me,
Or is it me and the snowman?
Bringing the sound
Straight to your town,
And now it's time for the show, man.
Who would ever believe that me
And the snowman, we
Could be best of friends,
Given the probabilities?
Still you see,
Here comes me and the snowman.
The snowman and me.
TONY:
Or maybe you've heard of some other famous acquaintances like,
Lizard and Fish. Oh, what a pair.
One lived underwater and the other breathed air.
On a shelf in a pet store on aisle thirteen,
Lizard and Fish would sit together and dream.
And Lizard said,
JACE: "Fish, how's the water today?"
TONY: And Fish said,
DEVO: (water gargling)
TONY: And Lizard said,
JACE: "Somehow, we'll both get away
And be a refugee lizard and fish."
SHOEBOX: What's your name?
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard.
SHOEBOX: What's your name?
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard.
SHOEBOX: What's your name?
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard.
SHOEBOX: Well I ain't never seen a beard with a name like Fred.
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard. Yeah!
SHOEBOX & KYLE (FALSETTO):
Hello, Fred the Beard!
Hello, Fred the Beard!
AUSTIN & JACE: I just bought a calculator at the corner store.
DERWOOD: The corner store?
AUSTIN & JACE: Brought it home an hour later, added up the score.
DERWOOD: I added up the score!
AUSTIN & JACE: If you really love me darlin', count it up and see.
DERWOOD: Count it up and see!
AUSTIN & JACE: And we can solve our problems with some trigonometry.
AUSTIN, JACE, & DERWOOD:
The square of the sum of the hypotenuse
Of the radian times the denominator,
I love you.
LUKE, IAN, & DERWOOD:
Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle!
Happy Noodle versus sad, Sad Noodle!
TONY & DEVO:
Thinking on his feet, Sad Noodle used his head as a whip
And tried to trip Happy Noodle, but he slipped and he flipped
Face-first on the ground with a sound, like a
Wet noodle slapping the ground kind of sound. Then
Happy Noodle wrapped Sad Noodle up around a tree,
Said “See Sad Noodle, don't 'cha mess with me,
'Cause I be the baddest Noodle there will ever be!
...Because I'm-”
TONY, DEVO, LUKE, IAN, & DERWOOD:
Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle!
Happy Noodle versus sad, Sad Noodle!
AUSTIN & JACE:
O-H-M-Y-G-O-D-I-M-O-N-F-I-R-E!
IAN & AUSTIN: LEAD:
AUSTIN & TONY: BACK-UP VOCALS IN BOLD:
Do the confusion till your head falls off. (Head! Head! Head! Head!)
Gown you found at the dog pound.
Do the confusion till your head falls off. (Head! Head! Head! Head!)
Your head falls off. Your head falls off.
~~~[these 4 stanzas are done simultaneously over 4 measures:]~~~
AUSTIN:
Uhnn, you're a volcano! Uhnn, you're a volcano!
Uhnn, you're a volcano! Uhnn, T-E-C-T-O-N-I-C.
LUKE:
I like Pez. I like Pez. I like Pez. I like Pez.
I bought a t-shirt and the t-shirt says: I, like, Pez.
TONY:
Schweepies! Shweep, schweep, schweep-a-deep! Schweepies! Oh, I love the
Schweepies! I'm gonna steal your Schweepies! Shweep, schweep, schweep-a-deep! YOINK!
~~~---~~~
[big piano intro lead-in to female jazzy vocalist with piano]
CARRIE:
Monkeys make amore out in public,
Providing little children with a view.
LUKE, IAN, DERWOOD, & TONY:
INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN!
CARRIE:
They're lewd and they're indecent and there's nothing we can do.
TONY as ‘Son’: Daddy, why is your voice so feminine?
CARRIE:
Monkeys are bad people, and so are you!
TONY as ‘Son’: I’m gonna go feed the Goombas.
IAN, SHOEBOX, KYLE, & LUKE:
You can make huge coins materialize,
Shoot fireballs out of your hand.
You can grow 10 times your normal size.
That's what it's like in Japan.
There are big green pipes sticking out of the ground,
And bricks floating in the air.
There are mean little turtles walking all around.
That's what it's like when you're there.
SHOEBOX: The villain who wears no pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: He's evil and he wears no pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX, LUKE, & IAN:
Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Get your pants on, get your pants on.
Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Everybody get your panty pants on.
LUKE & TONY:
My friends all said you've lost your head,
Now what are you trying to do?
You've been keeping your neighbors up all night,
Saying “What the Hell's a matter with you?”
This might sound mean, but your digging machine
Is gonna leave your feelings hurt.
You're gonna dig straight down to the center of the earth,
And find out that there's nothing there but dirt.
LUKE: Just dirt.
TONY: Just dirt?
LUKE: Yes dirt.
TONY: Yes dirt?
LUKE: Oh dirt.
TONY: Oh dirt?
LUKE: No women.
TONY: No women?
LUKE: Just dirt.
TONY: Aw man!
LUKE: Huh?!...
TONY: ...(bark!)
LUKE: (meow!)
KYLE: DIRT?!
AUSTIN: Put the cat.
SHOEBOX, JACE, & DERWOOD: Put the cat! Put the cat in the sink.
AUSTIN: Put the cat.
SHOEBOX, JACE, & DERWOOD: Put the cat! Put the cat in the sink.
DEVO: LEAD RAP LYRICS:
LUKE: HYPE-MAN LYRICS IN BOLD:
On Channel 27 at a quarter to three,
I saw the craziest thing that I ever did see.
No cash, no check, no C.O.D.,
So I called them with my credit card, quick as could be.
TONY: It's got a titanium
KYLE: cranium,
LUKE: chip in the brainium .
IAN: Pentium?
DEVO, TONY, KYLE, LUKE, & IAN: BEST REPRESENTIUM!
DEVO: The humans surrender and that'll be that! I'll say,
EVERYBODY: "Welcome to the planet of the Robot Cat!"
DEVO: LEAD RAP LYRICS:
EVERYBODY ELSE: RESPONSE LYRICS IN BOLD:
When I say “ro”, you say “bot”. Ro! Bot! Ro! Bot!
When I say “bot”, you say “cat”. Bot! Cat! Bot! Cat!
Word to the R to the O to the B to the O-T-C to the A to the T!
So when I say “robot”, you say “cat”. Robot! Cat! Robot! Cat!
~~~[these 5 stanzas are done simultaneously over 8 measures:]~~~
DEVO: LEAD RAP LYRICS:
KYLE: RESPONSE LYRICS IN BOLD:
When I say “ro”, you say “bot”. Ro! Bot! Ro! Bot!
When I say “bot”, you say “cat”. Bot! Cat! Bot! Cat!
Word to the R to the O to the B to the O-T-C to the A to the T!
So when I say “robot”, you say “cat”. Robot! Cat! Robot! Cat!
DERWOOD:
R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T!
R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T!
SHOEBOX: Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Get your pants on, get your pants on.
Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Everybody get your panty pants on.
JACE: The square of the sum of the hypotenuse
Of the radian times the denominator, I love-
AUSTIN: O-H-M-Y-G-O-D-I-M-O-N-F-I-R-E!
TONY: Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle!
Happy Noodle versus Sad, Sad Noodle!
IAN: Do the confusion till your head falls off.
Your head falls off. Your head falls off.
LUKE: My friends all said you've lost your head,
Now what are you trying to do?
You've been keeping your neighbors up all night,
Saying “What the Hell's a matter with you?”
This might sound mean, but your digging machine
Is gonna leave your feelings hurt.
You're gonna dig straight down to the center of the earth,
And find out that there's nothing there but-
~~~---~~~
EVERYBODY:
This is what happens when you give Logan a medley!
LUKE as ‘Announcer’: Brought to you by Farkle!
LOGAN SAMPLE:
[SFX: cannon fires, we hear John-John The Leprechaun do his signature yell]
EVERYBODY: Bowmp!
Track Name: Devo Spice & the great Luke Ski - Paywutchyalike
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)

[Verse 1]
Devo: Now as the music plays along,
you kinda like this song, but there’s something wrong.
They’re asking you for money for wutchyalike.
All: For wutchyalike
Luke: It should be free since we’re living in the digital age.
This is nothing but a big millennial outrage,
so we’ll go on strike.
All: We’re gonna pay what we like
Devo & Ian: ‘Cause it’s fine, I don’t mean to whine, but if you find it online,
then hey, it didn’t cost ‘em a dime,
so Paywutchyalike. Yeah.
All: It’s the new birthright.
Devo: They want ninety-nine cents, to cover bandwidth and such,
But most nerdcore songs aren’t worth half that much.
So Paywutchyalike.
Ian: Yeah,
All: Paywutchyalike

[Chorus 1]
Devo: Everybody Paywutchyalike.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yeah.
Devo & Alex: Paywutchyalike.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Just Paywutchyalike.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yo, steal-wutchyalike.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)

[Verse 2]
Devo: I mean rich, poor, high, low, or upper-middle class,
Let’s all kick the music industry in the ass,
And pay what we like.
All: And pay what we like.
Devo: If it continues like this, then it’s doomed to fail.
Like a snake that’s swallowing its own long tail.
Paywutchyalike.
Ooh, that’s a nasty bite.
Luke: Attract all the people, from the poles to the equator.
We’ll figure out how to monetize ‘em later.
Start up tonight? Hey,
it worked for Twitter, right?
In the end this’ll lead to more money for me,
and a complete breakdown of society.
Except with fewer zombies, right? Yeah?
Then Paywutchyalike!

[Chorus 2]
Devo: Everybody Paywutchyalike!
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo & Alex: Paywutchyalike.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yo, Paywutchyalike. Gnome sane? Whatever you’d like to pay.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo & Ian: Trade for Mike And Ikes.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)

Devo: I like those candies.
Luke: Seriously, there won’t be zombies, right?

[Verse 3]
Devo: It works so nice, just try it once or twice,
‘cause everybody’s gettin’ ripped off by retail price,
so Paywutchyalike.
All: So Paywutchyalike.
Luke: You want an iPhone, but you’re a little too poor?
See that genius in the store?
Just punch him in the biscuits! [*punch*]/(Oohf!)
All: And take-wutchyalike. [*punch*]/[*Wilhelm Scream*]
Devo: Now if you had an operation, ignore the bill.
Ain’t no way an appendix is worth a quarter-mil.
Paywutchyalike. What are they gonna do,-
All: -put it back inside?
Devo: Now Uncle Sam’s looking for another war to fund.
What the hell, man? We’re still payin’ off the other one.
Paywutchyalike. File your taxes-
All: -how ya like.
Luke: The Highway to Heaven has a ten percent toll.
Repent, then risk your immortal soul,
and Paywutchyalike.
Yo, pray how ya like.
You can confess tomorrow night.
God hates us anyway, right? Ha ha ha,
Just havin’ fun, y’all, and if you’re diggin’ this tune,
kick in a couple bucks so I can buy a new Zune.
All: Paywutchyalike!

[Chorus 3]
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yeah,
Devo & Alex: Paywutchyalike
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yo,
Devo & Luke: Take-wutchyalike.
Alex: Take-wutchyalike!
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yo, screw-over-who-you-like.
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: All right, here we go y’all...

[Bridge]
Devo: Charge how ya like. Ian: Do,Do,Do I want to torrent some hot
Tip whatchyalike. nerdcore, or some icy cold filk?
Trade whatchyalike. Luke: You can get the full length version of
Commerce how ya like. this on my Bandcamp page!
Ca-ching how ya like.
Fund wutchyalike. Alex: They call me Baby Alex.
Snatch wutchyalike. ShoEboX: Cameo soon by ShoEboX,
Bitch ifyalike. keep listening folks...

Alex: Devo, can I go online?
Devo: Surf wutchyalike, kid.

[Fade Out & Fade Back In]

[*Beep*]

Operator: A brief announcement to all audio DJs. If this song is currently being played on an actual on-the-air radio station, someone please alert the Vatican, because apparently Hell has actually frozen over…

Operator: ...We'd also like to add that we've now reached the three-and-a-half minute mark of this digital audio file. Radio stations may begin your fade here. For those that would like help, we will start your fade for you… [fades to a low volume]

[*Beep*]

Operator: ...Now if this file is being played on a drive, CD, app, tablet, laptop, or home computer, iPod, Zune, or on any other mp3 player, we will now allow the beat to continue and proceed to give you more of what you like. [fades back up] This message has been brought to you by the makers of FIDIM Interactive and the GNOME Productions FuMP-howyalike posse.

Ian: Do,Do,Do I want to torrent some hot nerdcore, or some icy cold filk?
Alex: Devo, can I watch this Tupac video?
Devo: Look, I told you kid, click-wutchyalike, okay?

[Verse 4]
Luke: We’ll dance like a monkey shakin’ his hips,
or whatever else you want, ‘cause we’re workin’ for tips,
so Paywutchyalike.
Yeah, Paywutchyalike.
That container on the floor while I’m singin’ my tune?
Yeah, that would be a tip jar, not a spittoon.
So spit where ya like,
just not in my tip jar, alright?
Devo & Luke: In the darkness of a strip club they just can’t tell,
so Monopoly money works just as well,
so watch your fingers,
and tip wutchyalike.

[4 measure Daffy Duck scratch break ]

Ian: We try to make it less painful than a hit groin
by accepting cash, PayPal, and even Bitcoin.
[spoken quickly:] Uh, that might not be a good idea.
All: So Pay howyalike.
Devo: That piano man, over there by the bar?
Go pay him a visit, put some dough in his jar,
Devo & Luke: and give wutchyalike.
Devo: Yo piano man, how’d you make out tonight?

[Piano Solo]
Shoebox: [speaking] OK, let’s see, we got a dollar, thank you. We got ten dollars, ooh, thank you very much! A coupon for 30 cents off cottage cheese. Um, OK. And what’s this note say? ‘Don’t bet on the races.’ Oh very funny. I see what you did there! That’s nice and all but I CAN’T EXCHANGE THAT FOR FOOD!

[Verse 5]
Devo: The labels scorn. Hey, we all tried to warn.
Now we’re ubiquitous and free, like internet porn, and-
ShoEboX: Okay! [ShoEboX makes sounds as if he is taking off his clothes.]
Devo: Wait a minute, ShoEboX, don’t take your clothes off yet.
ShoEboX: No?
Devo: Not yet.
ShoEboX: [dissapointed] Ohh...
Devo: Wait til you get home.
ShoEboX: [dissapointed] Okay.
Luke: Now if you work on “Glee”, made a cover song edit,
stole an arrangement, and gave no credit?
Don’t Paywutchyalike!
Go see a foot-up-your-ass doctor tonight!
Devo: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Devo & Luke: Everybody Paywutchyalike!

[Chorus 5]
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Yeah, Paywutchyalike! Gnome sane?
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Just Paywutchyalike!
Luke: Paywutchyalike, y’all!
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)
Devo: Ah, everybody Paywutchyalike!
(Ooh! I see guys and girls hagglin’. Ooh-Ooh!)

[Verse 6]
Luke: Barter with us with whatever you can kick in.
Devo: Twelve sheep, a cow, and a chicken.
Luke: An original Stradivarius fiddle.
Devo: Two shrubberies with a path down the middle.
Luke: Vintage Beanie Babies, or a Japanese bidet.
Devo: You can gladly pay me Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Luke: Five magic beans, or a gallon of grits.
Devo: Shave and a hair cut? Two bits.
Luke: A slightly used guiro, a hot ‘n fresh gyro.
Devo & Luke: What we’re saying is we hope it isn’t ‘zero’.
Luke: I need a phrase that’ll make folks holler!
Devo & Luke: I’D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! PAYWUTCHYALIKE!

Devo: Ha ha! Yeah! Col’ gettin’ liquid!
Once again you got a blast from the FuMPCast!
Baby Alex is in the house!
Alex: Boyee!
Devo: Yeah! Do we accept checks, Baby A.?
Alex: We do accept checks!
Devo: Heh, I’m wit it!
Alex: You need two forms of I.D.!
Devo: Yo Luke, let’s show ‘em old school!

[Chorus 6]
Devo: Just like Jon Cusack’s paperboy brawlers,
Come on everybody, [“I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!”] ← [“Better Off Dead” sample]
Yeah, and Paywutchyalike.
Luke: Whether my track’s serious, or stone col’ funny,
Come on young people, and, [“SHOW ME THE MONEY!”] ← [“Jerry Macguire” sample]
And Paywutchyalike.
Devo: I can’t sing, I can’t dance, my career won’t advance,
but I got three kids that I have to finance,
so Paywutchyalike,
Devo & Luke: then I can buy school supplies.
Devo: Jonathan Coulton, keep going on strong.
Heh, just hope you’ll tweet a plug for this song.
And Paywutchyalike. Yeah.
Everybody Paywutchyalike.

Ian: Hey, how about you go donate to my Kickstarter, IndieGogo, GoFundMe, and Patreon, OK? Just click on through.

ShoEboX: Now?
Devo: No, don’t take your clothes off yet. No. Not yet.
ShoEboX: Dammit!

[The “Ooh-Ooh!”s & “I see guys and girls hagglin’” samples
are repeated throughout the end stanza]

Devo: Paywutchyalike
For stuff yalike.
And if you want updates that you can’t resist, sign on my email list.
Sometimes I blog. Blog and blog and blog and blog.
If you think 13 hours in the studio isn’t worth 99 cents... go FUND yourself, G!
Ha ha. Just buggin’ you to pay a fee, to Devo Spice and Luke Ski!

[music stops]

Devo & Luke: End-the-parody-how-we-like!
Track Name: Insane Ian & the great Luke Ski - Angry Nerds
Intro:
Man, I hate this song
Man, I hate this show
Man, I hate this game
Zero. Upvotes.

Verse 1 - Ian:
You'd think that today, nerds’d surely be glad
There's more nerdy things now than I ever had
From TV to movies, books, games, and comics
There’s all kind of fandoms on all kinds of topics
But when they convert a nerdy thing to new media
The nerdy butt-hurt is almost immediate
A movie comes out, and they all begin blogging
They tear it to shreds, they give it a flogging
It’s such a disgrace, as the rage fills their face
Because someone changed a characters costume or race
They weather the leather of the clever books, ‘cause they’re “better”
Because they remember the splendor of every last letter
If they change it too much, then they all cry foul
If they change it too little, then they throw in the towel
But then you’ll feel their wrath, in a Facebook thread
If you spoil Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead!

Chorus 1:
Angry Nerds! I understand your passion
But do you think that this warrants that kind of reaction?
Angry Nerds! They can be so rude
Whether reddit, 4-chan, or comments on YouTube
Angry Nerds! To them all things are sacred
There isn’t a thing that is not Mass Debated
All their talking sounds like squawking from some flightless birds,
slingin’ rotten eggs, here come the Angry Nerds!

Verse 2 - Luke Ski:
Once upon a time, in ‘99,
There was an 8-year-old, unaware of what’s online.
Saw “The Phantom Menace”, thought it was amazin’!
Identified with Ani and loved the podracin’.
Bought all the toys, saw the prequel’s sequels,
then went in search of some similar equals.
Found the Enterprise, either Data’s or Spock’s,
and a wacky madman in a bright blue box.
- Found wizards, pirates, web-slingers,
nerdcore rappers, and funny-song singers.
Now the kid’s 20-something, loving fandom each day,
All because no Angry Nerds crossed paths to say,
“Phantom Menace sucks!, and Jar Jar is dumb!,
and Jar Jar is dumb!, and did I mention Jar Jar is dumb?!,
and you’re dumb if you like it. No excuse!”
Way to kill the next generation, you douche!

Chorus 2:
Angry Nerds! Like a spoiled brat,
they take your wide-eyed wonder, then they squash it flat.
Angry Nerds! Throwing poop like Play-Doh,
swirling all around, like a giant snark-nado!
Angry Nerds! Think they’re Captain Kirk.
Well, spoiler alert, you’re just being a jerk.
Producing way more dookie than some Bantha herds,
I’ve got a bad feeling ‘bout these Angry Nerds!

Verse 3 - Ian and Luke:
Someone should summon the male nerds of the world
And stop them from questioning every single geek girl
And trying to validate if they have enough cred
And just simply treat them as equals instead!
Five episodes into “Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.”,
“I’m giving up on this show. Disappointing for real.”
It wasn’t “The Avengers”?! That’s your reason?!
How about giving it a chance for ONE SEASON?!?!
Michael Bay’s getting hate for his toy adaptations
Zach Snider’s derided for his hero machinations
But if there’s one thing all nerds can agree on
It’s that Uwe Boll is a gigantic peon
So when you’re watching some thing, and your knee-jerk kicks
that spawns your usual attacks…
Just repeat to yourself, “It’s just a show,
I should really just relax!”
Or you’ll be one of the-

Chorus 3:
Angry Nerds! Their bile can’t be abated.
Besides, you’re more hip if you say that you hate it.
Angry Nerds! While you’re Minecraft mining,
Why don’t you try looking for a silver lining?
Angry Nerds! Some bad news for you,
“The Big Bang Theory’s” funny ‘cuz it’s mostly true.
I know that it’s ironic as I say these words,
but this nerd is getting angry at these Angry Nerds!

Outro Spoken Word Banter:
(Spoken as Yoda) Fandom leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering
Yeah, suffering through the constant complaining. Can’t these guys ever be satisfied?
(Still Yoda) The Dark Side is Quicker. Easier. More seductive.
Hey, you wanna knock off the Yoda impression? You’re making me…
Angry? Oooh, I’ll bet I wouldn’t like you when you’re angry.
That’s my secret, Luke. I’m always angry.
Track Name: Orko, Slimer, Wicket, & Snarf
[Verse 1:]
Two old friends, neighbors in L.A.,
both leave their huge houses to start a good day.
[Snarf:] Orko, there’s a breeze, do you think I’ll need a scarf?
[Orko:] The highs are in the 80’s. I don’t think so, Snarf.
They hop in their ride, and soon they embark
to pick up their compadre near the national park.
It’s a roman style crib with columns that are doric.
The home of Mr. Wicket W. Warrick.
[Orko:] Yub-nub, bub! [Snarf:] Ewok this way! [*laughter*]
[Wicket:] Will you guys ever think of a new joke to say?
Soon they were gone, to snag a Hell-spawn
from his New Orleans style mansion next to Forest Lawn,
with a big sloppy kiss comes a real wisenheimer.
[Slimer:] [*gibberish greeting*] [Orko, Snarf, & Wicket:] Hello, Slimer.
[Bumblebee:] Be careful getting in, don’t get slime on my siding.
That was me, Bumblebee, the car in which they’re riding.
The next intersection there’s a trust-fund brat
in a Diff’rent Strokes t-shirt and a porkpie hat.
Took a look at them and gave ‘em a sneer,
and then said to his buddy, loud enough for us to hear,
[Hipster:] "Is that Orko, Slimer, Wicket, and Snarf?
Those guys are so lame, I could literally barf.”
Pulled away from the light, did they get tense?
No, they had a laugh at his expense. And they said, [*laughter*]

[Chorus 1: (All 5 sing)]
The world is full of haters, and we are the hate-ees,
but now we’re livin’ large off our dough from the 80’s.
Back when face value was alive and overt,
and irony was something that you did to a shirt.
You tell us that we suck and our lives are so tragic,
pretending you were never in our target demographic.
[Orko:] So every douchey hipster in a curly mustache,
You can keep the reboots, and we’ll keep your cash! [*laughter*]

[4 measure music break]

[Verse 2:]
Before too long, we’re at our destination,
which is our big annual congregation,
like a sorta League of Extraordinary Gentle-creatures
who made their living in cartoons, TV, and features.
This estate isn’t just palatial, it’s celestial.
The home E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial.
He's in a deck chair, right next to the beer,
and he told everyone, [E.T.:] I’ll be right here.
Under a huge umbrella in the shade
is Gizmo singing a sweet serenade. [Gizmo: *sings*]
Stripe and all the Gremlins are in the liquor, getting boozy. [Gremlins: *eating noises*]
[Snarf:] I hope they don’t find out about the indoor jacuzzi!
Alf’s in the kitchen, dipping cats in preserves.
[Alf:] Oh, these are your pets? I thought they were hors d’oeuvres! HA!
Normally he gets laughs with ease,
but Roger Rabbit just said,
[Roger:] Oh, Plblblblblblblblblbllease!
I transformed from being a Volkswagon, [*transform SFX*]
and played poker with Falcor the luck dragon.
In retrospect I get it, but how was I to know
that he would get a full house 10 times in a row. [Falcor: Heh heh heh.]
Orko, Slimer, Wicket & Snarf in the meantime
were on their iPhones checking out blogs online.
Snarky comments about them from the trolls who complain.
They all have another laugh, and then they say their refrain. [*laughter*]

[Chorus 2:]
The world is full of haters, and we are the hate-ees,
but now we’re livin’ large off our dough from the 80’s.
Back when face value was alive and overt,
and irony was something that you did to a shirt.
You tell us that we suck and our lives are so tragic,
pretending you were never in our target demographic.
[Wicket:] So all of you insisting we we’re never a smash,
You can keep the reboots, and we’ll keep your cash! [*laughter*]

[4 measure music break]

[Verse 3:]
As the sun goes down the party comes alive,
as more guests arrive. Hey, it’s Johnny Five! [Johnny:] Johnny Five!
He’s cranking out the jams with that El Debarge sound,
Watch Ludo on the dance floor, [Ludo:] Get DOWN!
[Chamberlain:] mmMMmm! - How did Chamberlain sneak into this gig?
Nevermind, he just got chased away by Fizzgig. [Fizzgig:] [*barking*]
Max Headroom is our DJ, rocking the place!
[Max:] Now watch me dro- dro-, dro-, dro- dro- dro- dop the bass! [*dubstep bass boom*]
Audrey II is here from “Little Shop Of Horrors”, [Audrey II:] Feed me!
and the only one who’s wack is Wac from “Explorers”! [Wac:] All around the world!...
Orko, Slimer, Wicket, and Snarf felt united
spending time with fellow mascots who were often derided,
like Orbity and Uni, [Uni:] *neigh!* - Glomer and Gurgi, [Gurgi:] Crunchings!
Jinx and Loo-Kee, [Loo-Kee:] Hi! - and Murky and Lurky. [Lurky:] Purty colors!
They told them they should never heed the words of a hater,
on a joyride in the ship from "Flight of the Navigator”.
[Michaelangelo:] Cowabunga, dude! - There’s Michaelangelo,
with his date, Miss Scarlett from G.I. Joe,
and she brought Strawberry Shortcake, and speaking of jams,
time for a live set from Jem and the Holograms!
A last minute arrival, hey, what a surprise!
It's Sloth from Goonies, shouting, [Sloth:] “HEY YOU GUYS!"
And who’s that with him, leaving everyone in stitches?
It's the ghost with the most! [Beetlejuice:] IT’S SHOWTIME, BITCHES!

[4 measure music break]
[*celebratory party cheering*]
[All:] Go Beetlejuice! Go Beetlejuice! Go Beetlejuice! Wait, where did he go? [etc.]

[Chorus 3 & 4:]
The world is full of haters, and we are the hate-ees,
but now we’re livin’ large off our dough from the 80’s.
Back when face value was alive and overt,
and irony was something that you did to a shirt.
You tell us that we suck and our lives are so tragic,
pretending you were never in our target demographic.
[Snarf:] So trolls in red pajamas who all think they’re the Flash,
You can keep the reboots, and we’ll keep your cash!
The world is full of haters, and we are the hate-ees,
but now we’re livin’ large off our dough from the 80’s.
Back when face value was alive and overt,
and irony was something that you did to a shirt.
You tell us that we suck and our lives are so tragic,
pretending you were never in our target demographic.
[Bumblebee:] So all the angry nerds who keep saying we’re trash,
You can keep the reboots, and we’ll keep your cash! [*laughter*]

[8 measure outro]
Track Name: Neurotica
Verse 1:
Fantasy is a state of mentality,
where you control the fabric of reality.
Just what kind of sensuality
will you envision led by your personality?
Imagination takes you higher and higher,
where you can all fulfill your every single desire.
You can go anywhere, not led by reason or rhyme,
so here’s the kind of things I fantasize all of the time.
...Walking down the sidewalk in the city,
when I see woman walking my way who is way beyond pretty.
A sexy body from her head to her toes,
so let me tell you just where my mind goes:
Oh, wow! Well she’s hot.
Take a good look at her! Then again, better not.
I don’t want her to think that I'm some kind of perv,
if she ever caught me checking out even one curve.
Now I notice that she’s not Caucasian.
She’s either Latina, or some kind of Asian.
So not only would she think it’s sexist, I’m
risking committing accidental hate crime.
Any defense I could say would be fleeting.
Hashtag Sleazebag is what they’d all be Tweeting.
I’d get crucified in a public-held trial.
It’s really not worth it, just to hope for a smile.
In just a few seconds, she’ll pass me when walking.
I’ll get out my cell phone, pretend that I’m talking.
Look up at the sky, keep averting my eyes,
Here she co- TED! HOW ARE YOU AND THE GUYS!
WANNA JAM WITH MY BAND? I COULD USE A GOOD BASSIST!
Crisis averted, I’m no creepy racist.
And much like that fictional phone guy named Ted,
all that stupid drama came from inside my head. It’s...

Chorus 1:
NEUROTICA!… It’s the stores that you write in your mind,
when good feelings are too common to find. It’s
NEUROTICA!… It’s the narratives you make in your head,
so you’re the author of your own worry and dread. It's
NEUROTICA!… It’s the over-self-disparaging plot
you just thought up whether you like it or not. It’s
NEUROTICA!…

Verse 2:
When I wake up in the morning, I get a spilt second of peace,
which will suddenly cease, my depression increase,
when like a TV recap shown in my head,
‘Here’s all the recent story arcs to make you wish you were dead:
You know that everyone's annoyed with you behind of your back,
and all those parodies you make, well they just prove you’re a hack,
and that’s just two of many reasons why you should feel crappy,
and if you can't deal with that, you don’t deserve to be happy!'
They never realize that the same mind that creates videos,
puppet shows, massive medleys, and Bender bot clothes,
can just as easily go down a dark road,
and weave a tale with such anxiety it makes me implode.
That’s the hidden curse of being a creator,
on the the outside I’m Luke, but on the inside I’m Vader,
filled with guilt and remorse for the mistakes that I made,
whether they’re from last week, or back in the 4th grade.
I can’t even count the number of times,
that instead of using energy to write funny rhymes,
I’m conjuring neurosis that would make Freud scoff,
and I would give my frontal lobe if I could just turn it off.
Write a song about my fans who are all so swell?
I know I'd leave somebody out and they’ll be hurt as Hell.
I should have got an empathectomy when I was a boy,
instead of that I’m Woody Allen crossed with Deanna Troi.
If there’s an argument, or even a chance,
it’s really best to game it out inside your head in advance,
so you can plan just what you'll say like a legal strategist,
so you can win a fight with people who don’t even exist.
This self-induced mental torture’s medieval,
it’s leaving my battered soul bare.
And I’m so worried about the baggage retrieval
system they’ve got at O’hare. It’s no fair! It’s…

Chorus 2:
NEUROTICA!… It's that manuscript your brain will create,
right when you realize you're feeling pretty great. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the prophecy that is self-fulfilled,
once all the happiness in your cranium's killed. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the mythos you constructed so gnarly,
you should just go hang out inside Arkham with Harley. It's
NEUROTICA!…

Verse 3:
This sick Spidey-sense makes me hyper-aware,
to the point where I am sensing stuff that just isn't there.
Though there never is a reason for such a thing to be,
I’ll suddenly think that one of my friends is real mad at me.
I’ll pour through my mind, and then decide that it’s Tim,
then start trying to deduce, just why I think that it’s him.
What it something I said, or I did, ’til I fear
that he’s upset because of something that happened last year.
That must be the reason, so now I’m fixated
on how i’m a jerk, justifiably hated.
Is he mad at me or not? I’ve just got to know.
So I give him a call. [*phone ring*] [Tim: Hello?]
Hey Tim, it’s Luke. [Tim: Hey. How ya doin'?]
Hangin’ in there. Got a question for you, and...
Um, well, uh, eh, it’s, you see,
just, y’know, uh… Are you mad at me?
[Tim: Mad at you? Uh… no.
Why would you think that?] Ohhh,
it’s just that thing I did last summer or fall?
[Tim: I really don’t know what you’re talking about at all.]
I was kind of a jerk and I said something rotten?
[Tim: Oh, THAT? ...I’d completely forgotten.]
So you’re not mad at me? [Tim: Not at all.] Cool, well, I
will let you go. Thanks for talking. [Tim: *sigh* Bye.] [*beep*]
I feel so much better with the whole situation
I don’t want to incite such exasperation
in my friends and my family, especially my wife.
Time to drop the whole thing and move on with my life.
But at the end of the call, he sounded kind of annoyed
when he let out that sigh, so if I want to avoid
him getting any more mad, I better call him back one more time...
[loud-whispering:] THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE ALL THE TIME IN MY FUCKING MIND.

Chorus 3:
It's the fairy tale you cannot avoid,
that leaves you schizophrenic via paranoid. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the yarn that puts yourself in a panic,
switching back and forth from depressive to manic. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the daydream you can't help but prepare,
that turns your hopes into a nightmare of despair. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the parable transcribed in your skull,
whose purpose is to leave you 'abby normal'. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the chronicle you're forced to transcribe,
if you can detect even one positive vibe. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the anecdote you always devise,
if there's a point when you don't have tears in your eyes. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the opus of a sensitive schmuck,
that's conjured up to make you feel shitty as fuck. It's
NEUROTICA!… It's the anxious play confessed to a friend,
done on the dubious chance, that it will come to an end.
Track Name: When You Wish Upon A Death Star
---[To the tune of “When You Wish Upon A Star” from Pinocchio]---

Jiminy Cricket:
When you wish upon a Death Star,
Makes no diff- AAAHH!!!

(SFX: Death Star fires, blows up planet)

---[To the tune of “The Enchanted Tiki Room” from the Magic Kingdom parks]---

(spoken:)
(SFX: Jawas babbling, R2-D2 heard beeping)
C-3PO: (robot effect on his voice:) Oh! Jawas! Filthy creatures! Where are you taking us?
Jawa: Uteeni!

Jawas: The Uteeni-teeni-teeni-teeni-teeni Room!
The Uteeni-teeni-teeni-teeni-teeni Room!
Lead Jawa: All the droids are void and full of gloom,
Jawas: In the Uteeni-teeni-teeni-teeni-teeni Room!

Lead Jawa: Welcome to our traveling desert dump,
Owen Lars and Beru.
Buy this protocol droid and this astromech,
and we'll throw in Wall-E too!
All together!

Jawas: The Uteeni-teeni-teeni-teeni-teeni Room!
The Uteeni-teeni-teeni-teeni-teeni Room!
Lead Jawa: Watch “Polyanna Jones And The Temple Of Doom”,
Jawas: In the Uteeni-teeni-teeni-teeni-teeni Room!

---[To the tune of “This Is Halloween” from the Nightmare Before Christmas]---

Scum: This is Tattooine, wretched hive of villany,
Better shoot first, or it'll be your last!
In our bar, everybody's mean!
On this planet Tattooine.
Watto: I am the guy betting on a pod race,
Now I got Hutt debt collectors in my face.
Ponda: I am the guy, wants to cause Luke harm.
Face like a walrus, and a newly severed arm.

(SFX: lightsabre cuts arm off)
---[To the tune of “The Ballad Of Davy Crockett”]---

Homer & Jethro:
Lives on a mountaintop on Tattooine.
In his youth, he once rescued a queen.
Trained Anakin when he was just a teen,
but couldn't stop him from becoming a machine.
Obi-Wan Kenobi
stinked up the vile frontier.

---[To the tune of “Part Of Your World” from the Little Mermaid]---

Princess Leia:
Told Tarkin lies, he called my bluff.
Alderaan is where I kept my stuff.
Now it's debris.
Can't believe he, blew up my world.

Ursula: (spoken:) Those poor unfortunate souls!

---[To the tune of “Reflection” from Mulan]---

Princess Leia:
Dewbacks on the Dune Seas
weren't here in the 70's.
This Special Edition has things I don't know.

---[To the tune of “Grim Grinning Ghosts” from the Haunted Mansion]---

Thurl: When the Clone Wars start, he'll use martial art.
G.G.G.s: Wields four blades like a Cuisinart.
Thurl: Robot bones and scary eyes.
G.G.G.s: Lightsabres decorate his thighs.
All: Grim Grevious goes, and kills all the Jedis.

---[To the tune of “Friend Like Me” from Aladdin]---

Boba Fett:
Mister Lord Vader sir, who will my bounty be?
Let me take your order, hunt them down.
You ain't never had a Fett like me! Oh, ho ho!

Boba Fett: (spoken:) Oh, no the Sarlaac Pit! Aaah! (SFX: Sarlac eats him, gulp!)

---[To the tune of “You've Got A Friend In Me” from Toy Story]---

Sarlacc: I've got a Fett in me.
Boba Fett: (spoken, muffled:) Let me out! I'm very popular!
Sarlacc: I've got a Fett in me...

---[To the tune of “Be Our Guest” from Beauty And The Beast]---

Admiral Ackbar:
It's a trap! It's a trap!
We fell right into their lap!
The Empire saw us coming.
Soon our ship will just be scrap.
Sheilds down? Watch us soar!
Lando, fly into that core.
Those brave Ewoks sure aren't yellow.
Maybe they got help from Willow.

---[To the tune of “I Just Can't Wait To Be King” from the Lion King]---

(Darth Vader voice effect on all of Vader's lines/vocals.)
(spoken:)
Vader: Luke, I am your father, and so we are all connected, in the circle of life.

Vader:
I'll redefine the genre serial myth.
Oh I just can't wait to be Sith!

(spoken:)
Emperor: You've got a long way to go, my young apprentice.

---[To the tune of “The Bare Necessities” from the Jungle Book]---

Emperor: Remember Ahsoka Tano, your padawan you called 'snips'?
Vader: (spoken:) Yeah?
Emperor: Now realize she got murdered, heh heh heh, by my Order 66!
Vader: (spoken:) What?!
Emperor: You two were quite close, and that makes you sad.
But don't feel that, instead get real mad!
Embrace your hatred, and see what happens,
Get dark side power to choke your captains,
Like your dead wife from Naboo...
Vader: (spoken:) Qui-Gon, man, solid Qui-Gon!
Emperor: The Bare Neces-SITH-ties of life will come to-

---(music flops to a stop because the Emperor is suddenly interrupted by Jar Jar.)---

(spoken:)
Jar Jar: (to the tune of “It's A Small World”) Meesa Jar Jar after all!
Emperor: AAOOWW! You threw off my groove!
Vader: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove.
(SFX: Hatch opens, Vader grunts, throwing Jar Jar out. Jar Jar yells as he falls.)
Jar Jar: Meesa sorryyyyyy!
Vader: You were saying?

---[To the tune of “Gaston” from Beauty And The Beast]---

Men: No... one... blasts them like Han.
Smuggles past them like Han.
Greedo: No one slices a Taun-Taun in Aspen like Han.
Girls: He'll evade every loan shark and bookie.
Han: For your causes, I really don't care.
Greedo: You can see his co-pilot's a Wookiee. (SFX: Wookiee growl)
Han: That's right, 'cause every last inch of him's covered with hair!
Girls: No one pleases like Han.
Men: Carbon freezes like Han.
Greedo: Becomes decorative sculptural friezes like Han.
Han: And I killed Boba Fett without even trying!
All: Who do we want? It's Han-

---[To the tune of “Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life For Me” from Pirates Of The Caribbean]---

All: -Solo! Solo! A smuggler's life for me!

(SFX: laser cannon fire, people laugh, say ARR! Etc.)

---[To the tune of “I Wanna Be Like You” from the Jungle Book]---

Yoda: Oh, the king of the lightsabre swingers I am,
The Jedi V.I.P.
'Till we got attacked, the Empire struck back,
And that's why I live in a tree.
Luke: I wanna be a Jedi Master,
And get my ship out of that ditch.
Yoda: Well, do or do not, there is no try,
And stop being such a whiny apprentice. Hoo hoo hoo...

Luke: Oh, well, no duh! Back-up: Well, no duh!
I wanna be like Yo-o-da Yo-de-doe-de-doe-da!
A Jedi knight like Yoda, da!
fight like Yoda, da!
So-o much. Really really!
Yoda: You know a Je-e-di A jedi!
Craves not these thi-i-ings No, they don't crave these things!
So scat you will with
Kenobi while he si-i-ings!

(Ghostly reverb on all of Obi-Wan's vocals:)

Obi-Wan: Hey!
Lott Dod, Nute Gunray!
Max Rebo, Dooku, Salacious Crumb!
Dennn-gar, Boba Fett, Bossk,
IG-88, and 4-LOM, Jabba,
Bib Fortuna, Gonk, Sebulba!
Luke: Ponda Baba!
Obi-Wan: with Aayla Secura!
Luke: Jan Dodonna!
Obi-Wan: with Oola, Mon Mothma!
Luke: Lobot, Gardula the Hutt,
Obi-Wan: Ki-Adi Mundi!
Luke: Lando, Jango!
Obi-Wan: Greedo, Watto!
Luke: blblblblblblblblblblblblbl!
Obi-Wan: Boss Nass, baby!
Luke: Tarpals, Padme Amidala,
Obi-Wan: Kit Fisto and Grand Moff Tarkin,
Luke: Sy Snootles and Palpatine,
Obi-Wan: and Wedge and Biggs and Fode and Beed!
Luke: Dexter Jettster!
Obi-Wan: Ashoka, Chewbacca!

Luke: You-oo-oo Back-up: hoop-de-weep
all wanna be like Lu-u-uke hop-de-doobie-doo-wop
You wanna spy like Luke, cheep
fly like Luke, cheep
too-oo-oo weebie deebie doo boo
Obi-Wan: I must warn you-oo-oo, shoobidy doop
the Dark Side is tempting. Obi, Obi, Obi
Vader: You can learn to be, like someone like me!
Luke: Take me home, Daddy!
L, Y, & O: Can learn to be, like someone like you!
Yoda: One time more!
Vader: Yeah! Can learn to be, like someone like me!

(spoken:)

Vader: Cad Bane, Zuckuss, Zam Wessel, and Windu, and Porkins, and Nien Nunb, and Droopy McCool, and, and, wait, who are you?
Mickey: Ha-ha! I'm YOUR father now!
Vader: Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

(the end)