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It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return Of The Magi

from Be Amused By Me by the great Luke Ski

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    It's the great Luke Ski's 10th full length comedy music album, "Be Amused By Me". Whether that title is a request or a demand has yet to be determined. What we are sure of is that this CD contains songs about Disney Buying Marvel, Chuck, The Big Bang Theory, Kevin Smith movies, Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Anime, Bruce Campbell, Serenity, Red Dwarf, his 3rd holiday fandom opus "It's A Fanboy Christmas 3", and "Snoopy The Dogg", the most requested song of 2011 on "The Dr. Demento Show" and winner of "Outstanding Parody Song" of 2011 at the Logan Whitehurst Memorial Awards for Excellence in Comedy Music. Featuring Carrie Dahlby, Devo Spice, Insane Ian, Flat 29, TV's Kyle, and many other friends from the FuMP, it's an album Carrie Dahlby said to me is "probably your best CD since Unconventional". Who am I to argue?

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From the FuMP .com, 12/17/2010:

In 2000, I did "It's A Fanboy Christmas". In 2007, I did "It's A Fanboy Christmas 2: The Wrath of Claus". Three-and-a-half years later, the time has come to make this saga a trilogy. As you'd expect, it's another medley of mini-parodies of Christmas standards about some of the most popular stuff from TV, movies, video games, and web series that geeks love from the past few years. And since Christmas is a time to celebrate with friends, I'm joined by fellow FuMP artists Carrie Dahlby, Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad, ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, Devo Spice, Insane Ian, and my wife Sara Trice. Music brilliantly arranged by Bob Emmett of Project Sisyphus, with a vinette put together by Dan P. of Flat 29, because every orchestra needs an 8-bit section! So curl up in front of a fireplace fueled by burning Twilight books, and listen to this new holiday standard on your digital audio file listening device, just like your Grandma did when she was a kid. Happy holidays, everyone!


It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return Of The Magi
A series of mini-parodies of Christmas standards about things popular in fandom.
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2010 Luke Sienkowski

Santa: Ho Ho Ho! Now Dasher, now Dancer… (etc.)
YosemiteBear: Oh my god! Octuple Reindeer! All the way across the sky! It's so intense! What does it mean?

(Intro music starts)

Luke Ski: It means it's time for "It's A Fanboy Christmas 3: Return of the Magi"!

Opening Chorus
(same tune as the Choruses of the first two versions)

It's a Fanboy Christmas, the third part of the carol,
And now we're really scraping, the bottom of the barrel.
Insert a joke about Legolas as one of Santa's elves.
At this point we're just doing this to entertain ourselves.

Harry Potter's Jug Band Christmas
(to the tune of "Brothers" from "Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas", about the Harry Potter books/films)

Kermit: Hi Ho, everyone! And now Jim Henson and J.K. Rowling present, "Harry Potter's Jug Band Christmas! Yaaaay!

What awkward teens we are,
In training to be wizards,
Running from Voldemort.
He might tear out our gizzards.

Hagrid: Who wants a-mess-a Hagrid's barbeque?

Against the dark arts we'll defend.

Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Snowths: Doot doo, do do doo!
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!
Snowths: Doot doo, doot doo!

There's a hole in the bottom of the Horcrux.
Will this pubescent voodoo end?

Waldorf: What do you think of the magicians?
Statler: I wish they'd all disappear!
Statler & Waldorf: (laugh)


Ron: Harry, why is he so green?
Harry: 'Cause he's a-


Hermoine: Actually, he's a frog.
Kermit: Oh, thank you, Hermione.
Miss Piggy: Take this you Potter puppet pal! HI-YA!
Kermit: Glah!

Carol Of The Matrix
(to the tune of "Carol Of The Bells", about "The Matrix")

Neo's my name. Had hacker fame.
Met Agent Smith. What's the Matrix?
Found Trinity. She's into me. Dude, dude,
Here, take this pill. Soon, I felt ill. Dude, dude,
Real life is Hell. I'm Duracell. Dude, dude,
War with machines. Digital dreams. Dude, dude,
I'm feeling dread. Plug in my head. Whoa…
Now, what to do. I know Kung Fu?
Oracle fun. Says I'm 'The One'. Whoa… Whoa…
Feel like a goon. There is no spoon. Wyld Stallyns! Excellent!
Cypher's a prick. He played a trick. I am Keanu Reeves, I am a good
Morpheous gone. Let's get it on. actor, the girls think I'm cute.
I can do the limbo dodging bullets. I can do the limbo dodging bullets.
Birth of Jesus Christ for hacker zealots. Birth of Jesus Christ for hacker zealots.
I'm Superman. Sequel's the plan. Whoa, whoa…
Wish me good luck. Hope they don't suck. Whoa, whoa…
I saved the day. I am not gay. Whoa, whoa…
No way! Yes way!... Dude! Whoa… Dude!

Away On An Island
(to the tune of "Away In The Manger", about "Lost")

Away on an island, mysterious and green
Sit all the survivors of flight 8-15.
They're trying to flag down Santa in his sleigh,
But all of "the Others" have scared him away.
Now handing out cookies to lighten the mood
Is their jolly fat man who always says "Dude!"
Their "12 Days Of Christmas" is sung different than you.
4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.

Up On The Buy More
(to the tune of "Up On The Rooftop", about "Chuck")

Up on the Buy More, dressed in black,
Volkoff's agents sneak attack.
Sarah and Casey whipped their tales
Through Morgan Grimes' Black Friday sales.
Set your eyes on retail spies!
You'll get pestered by Jeff and Lester!
Who got the Intersect through dumb luck?
Down in a flash is Nerd Herd Chuck!

I Saw V Ships
(to the tune of "I Saw Three Ships", about "V")

Sara: Honey, we have visitors!

I saw 'V' ships come flying in,
Across the sky, they all said 'Hi.'
I saw 'V' ships come flying in,
Are they a friend or an enemy?
And what was in those ships of 'V'?
Got human skin, but green within.
And what was in those ships of 'V'?
That hooker chick from "Serenity".

Little Tony Stark
(to the tune of "Little Saint Nick", about "Iron Man")

Well, he flies in the sky in a suit of red,
He's in full body armor, doesn’t need a sled.
Yeah, his girl Pepper Potts keeps things clean and calm,
So he drinks egg nog 'til he's totally bombed.
He's Little Tony Stark. Little Tony Stark.
He's Little Tony Stark. Little Tony Stark.
Ooh, ooh, Merry Christmas, Iron Man!
The Avengers comes out next year!
Ooh, ooh, Merry Christmas, Iron Man!

Must Be Pac-Man
(to the tune of "Must Be Santa", about "Pac-Man")

Who is the guy who's yellow and round?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man is the guy who's yellow and round!
Who eats ghosts with a chomp chomp sound?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man eats ghosts with a chomp chomp sound!
Who gobbles quarters when you move joysticks?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man gobbles quarters when you move joysticks!
Who's kill screen is 256?
ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian: Pac-Man's kill screen is 256!

Luke, ShoEboX, Devo, & Ian:
256! Move joysticks!
Chomp chomp sound! Yellow and round!
Must be Pac-Man!
Must be Pac-Man!
Must be Pac-Man from Namco!

Here Comes Mario
(to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus", about "Super Mario Brothers")

Here comes Mario, here comes Mario,
Punch blocks, grab-a them coins!
Mushrooms and flowers give me powers
To kick Bowser in the loins.
Heard the Princess got me a present,
So I headed to her place and said "Wii!"
But when I got there, Toad said "Sorry,
Your gift's under another tree." Luigi: Mamma mia!

Here comes Mario, here comes Mario,
Holidays getting me stressed.
Can't buy games for my old school GameBoy.
What a load of D.S.!
Italian stereotypes these days
Don't-a get-a respect-a no more,
So me and Luigi are gonna go stomp
Those Goombas on Jersey Shore!

Devo: Why is the angel on top of your tree playing video games?
Luke: Well, every angel needs a Halo!
Glados: Who would like some fruitcake? It's so delicious and moist.
Devo: Sure, I'll…
Luke: No, Devo! The fruitcake is a lie!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Zombies

(to the tune of "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas", about the video game "Plants Vs. Zombies)

It's beginning to look a lot like zombies
Are out on my lawn.
Plant some sunflowers there to grow,
And soon the next thing you know,
You've got a botanical arsenal at dawn. Zombies: Of the dead!
So I'm gardening Plants Vs. Zombies.
Soon the squash will smash.
On PC or on Xbox live,
Productivity takes a dive
With this monster mash… Zombies: potatoes!
Soon we'll turn to Ash.
Ash: Gimmie some sugar plum fairies, baby!

The Pretty Little Dollhouse
(to the tune of "The Pretty Little Dolly" by Mona Abboud, about "Dollhouse")

The pretty little dolly can fight.
The pretty little dolly can sing.
After Topher programs Echo's brain, she'll do anything!

Echo: Did I fall asleep?
Boyd: Joss, for a little while.

The pretty little dolly can cook.
The pretty little dolly can spank.
It's your choice! Betty Crocker, or a dominatrix skank!

Echo: Merry Christmas!... Was I my best?

It's The Most Horrible Time Of The Year
(to the tune of "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year", about "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog")

It's the most Horrible time of the year!
With the evil I'm blogging,
And Moist sing-alonging, Captain Hammer will fear,
Because it's Dr. Horrible's time of the year! Mua ha ha ha haaa!

Penny: You might want to be on your best behavior.
Dr. Horrible: Oh? Why's that?

Bad Horse Santa
(to the tune of "Bad Horse Chorus" from "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog", about Santa Claus)

Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa!
He rides across the planet, with reindeer who can fly.
He's got a sleigh with presents sailing 'cross the sky.
But if you have been naughty, next morning you will cry.
Your only gift, a lump of coal, so being good should be your goal.
Santa, Santa, Santa, he's good!
The elven league of elves, is making lots of toys,
And he'll deliver them to the good girls and boys.
So go clean up your bedroom, and knock off all the noise!
You'll get a P.S.3 because it's "Ho Ho, Rudolph!" Santa Claus!

Dr. Horrible: You're right! Let's Santa-suit up! It's a brand new day!
Captain Hammer: No, it's Christmas day!
Moist: No, it's Felicia Day!

Zaboo Santa Claus?
(to the tune of "Zat You, Santa Claus?", about the webseries "The Guild")

December night an',
The Knights Of Good are fightin'.
Put my game on pause.
At the window, who is it?
A Hindu Father Christmas? Zaboo: Hey Codex!
Zaboo Santa Claus?

Blades and Tink are having a brawl.
Vork rings a bell to get change at the mall.
Clare's at Game Stop, left her kids in the car.
And Zaboo wants to date my avatar.

Filled with glee, in
My world of R.P.G.in',
I found someone to join my cause!
Me and Sheldon will be beatin'
Fawkes / Evil Wil Wheaton!
And Zaboo… Sheldon: Game on!
…Santa Claus!

Cylon Toasters Start To Open Fire
(to the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire", about "Battlestar Galactica")

Cylon toasters start to open fire,
Nuking humans off their land.
Caprica Six uses sexual desire
To manipulate Baltar by his gland.
Soon "By your command" will be heard throughout the Battlestar.
Filling colonists with fright.
Unless Starbuck finally leaves the bar,
They'll find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know that ships with F.T.L.
Filled with Terminators will blow them straight to Hell.
But every cylon shouldn’t be decried,
'cause there might be a scared teenage girl inside.

And so I'm offering with care and ease
To folks who like the number 42,
Although it's been said through my dumb parodies,
Have a Fanboy Christmas,
And a Trekkie New Year,
Merry Christmas, to you.

Col. Tigh: If you think we're ending this frakking song down tempo, you're out of your Gods damn mind! Hit it!

Jingle Bell Spock
(to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock", about classic "Star Trek")

Ba-dump bump bump!
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell Spock!
Jingle bell guys on the Enterprise!
Kirk is off work, cruisin' neutral zones.
Have hot chocolate to warm your Bones.
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell Spock!
A snowball fight with Corbomite!
Merry is Harry Mudd in your eye! Sulu: Oh my!
The red-shirts survive! Redshirts: Yaaay!

The Mugato's getting blotto.
The Gorn make up the band.
Captain Pike's there in his light chair.
Khan has mistletoe for Janice Rand.
Pointy-eared logic Scrooge, follow a star.
Your holiday time's amok!
Here's an Orion Slave Girl gift for Pon Farr!
That's the jingle bell,
Scotty: Give 'er all ye got, commander!
That's the jingle bell Spock!

Devo: So now that you've done three of these, you're not doing any more, right?
Luke: Of course not.
ShoEboX: Really?
Ian: D'oh!
Chris: Peace on earth! Good will towards men!
Carrie: We are of peace, always!


from Be Amused By Me, track released December 17, 2010
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
Vocals by the great Luke Ski, Carrie Dahlby, Chris Mezzolesta of Power Salad, ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, Devo Spice, Insane Ian, and Sara Trice.
Music arranged by Bob Emmett of Project Sisyphus
8-bit section by Dan P. of Flat 29




the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.

The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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