[Peter Parker (Devo Spice)]:
Aw yeah, that's my jam, I mean literally my jam
Try and keep up because you gotta know who I am
Peter Parker, with Mary Jane beside her man
I am the one-and-only Spider-Man
I climb walls, shoot webs, great strength and agility
And with great power comes blah blah blah
My ability to cling to walls and then swing
Means I'm shootin' out webs like silly string
I got a theme song, t-shirt, cartoon, and toys
And a breakfast cereal that nobody enjoys
And a third nipple, at least according to my wiki
Don't mind fighting crime but my hands are always sticky
So Kingpin lost his whole family what a pity
But the thing he built could destroy the whole city
Hate to be a party pooper but we gotta stop the threat
Take this goober, and I'm dead

[Miles Morales (Creative Mind Frame (AKA 1-UP))]:
When I'm done you'll wanna cop this... put em up
Miles morales here (heh) that's what's up
Young kid but a brainiac a maniac
For anything my uncle would do, but he's a shady cat
And that's another act back to my story line
I packed no punches and that's being blunt kid
Itty bitty spider bite that's what made it story time
That's so nuts now I lack no function
You're telling me that I'm a new Spider-Man
Gone from no skills to doing anything a fighter can
First the multiverse gets shattered... broken jars
Now a bunch a spideys slinging round... broken arms
Don't doubt me cas I'm never giving up
Steph Curry on a dunk sometimes I'm trippin up
Steady on my grind enemies I'm rippin up,
No spoilers here so that's enough.

[Peter B. Parker (Insane Ian)]:
Hi I'm Pete, It's sure nice to meet ya
I fight supervillains (when I'm not eating pizza)
I'm just like that last guy, tho my hair is much darker
My driver's license says my name's Peter B. Parker
Tho starker in contrast, we're really quite alike
My guts a little larger but of the two, well, I'm alive
But if a girl gets kidnapped and she's thrown inside a van
Well I'm another friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!
Thought I was alone (not just cause MJ left me)
Struggled through a portal (cause I might be kinda hefty)
Landed in this city, met this little kiddie
He was bitten by a spider like the one that went and bit me
Now I'm a mentor, teach this kid the ropes
On how to be a hero and to give people hope
Responsibility & Power, and before you have to ask
Always wash your suit and never sneeze inside the mask

[Gwen Stacy (Bonnie Gordon)]:
Hey guys, it's Gwen, and I have been
Living as the one and only Spider-Woman
Bit by a spider and I might've got here first
And I'm from another, another universe
I don't do friends, got two or three styles
And I'm not helping you through puberty, Miles
You were a big help and I'm glad you were there but
No, you don't get to like my haircut
I've been protecting my version of New York
Without ever expecting any help for the work
Now lots of spider people are infesting these nights
Of all of you I look best in these tights
But still, it's nice that support has appeared
'Cause this whole experience has been royally weird
But if I'm not mistaken, there's more for us to see
And do I smell bacon?

[Spider-Ham (TV's Kyle)]:
That would be me
You're not hallucinatin', Gwen, you know who I am!
I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham
Where's Ducktor Doom? I'll give him a tackle!
And then I'll take a selfie for J. Jonah Jackal
Got a hospital and a horse got loose?
Call Peter Porker. I'll Chuck Jones his caboose!
I'll frolic and I'll dance and I'll do this with my pants
and I'll whack him on the snoot! Man, he'll never stand a chance
I got a big hammer and you know I'm gonna club ya
My Marvel Tails will make you go "What The?!"
Kingpin and Liv, man, who the heck is that?
Reminds me of KingPig and Dr Octopussycat
I've heard folks have been shipping me and Noir.
Just pray Mary Jane Waterbuffalo don't know who you are
In Gwen's subconscious, you could say that I steered her
Does that sound weird? It CAN get weirder

[Peni Parker (LEX the Lexicon Artist)]:
This is my spider, I'm Peni P, we are
A dynamic duo, call me SP//dr
I might be kawaii but that don't mean that I'm weak
Because I pack a streak of genius in my teeny physique
See I pilot this machine with my psychic connection
We scale the highest ceilings like the guys in Inception
Protecting New York City from malevolent creatures
And we're messing with their systems like professional griefers
My father left to join the Black Parade
Now it's up to me to carry on the masquerade
I have to say, my mech suit is better than Tony's
It can send you to your death with twenty seven emojis, homie
So don't be stunting cause I'm small and I'm cute
I crawl in the suit, all of a sudden I'm taller than you
That's all that I do, a supercomputer not a shooter of webs
Here from the future to save you losers or you would be dead

[Spider-Man Noir (the great Luke Ski)]:
The wind follows me, it smells like rain.
SURPRIZE ATTACK! You mugs will feel my pain.
Uncle Benjamin was eaten by Vulture. So gory,
But it makes a good hard-core origin story.
I'm Spider-Noir, the color thing is new to me,
Unlike egg creams and moral ambiguity.
Wrong or right? I don't know what to say!
Am I black or white, or 50 shades of grey?
You wanna dance in a biscuit box session?
I'll crash you harder than the Great Depression!
I'm trying a fedora. Future fashion is wild,
But punching a Nazi is never out of style.
Just like 6 bullets in a snub .45,
We're Web Warriors, takin' nobody's jive.
Out of all of the fellas, I cause the most fright,
'Cuz I am the terror that THWIPS in the night!

[Spider-Ham (TV's Kyle)]:
Is he allowed to say that? Legally?