If you have been to the Wisconsin Dells, you know. If you have not been to the Wisconsin Dells, hopefully by the end of this rap song, you will want to go and experience it for yourself. For decades, this region of the Dairy State has lured in millions of visitors with it's combination of natural pristine awe-inspiring beauty, going hand-in-hand with the most crass kitschy touristy commercialism you've ever seen. Much like Route 66, it is true Americana at it's best, and I've been in love with the place since childhood, and this song is my love letter to it. In early June 2008, a weekend of torrential rainfall caused man-made Lake Delton to breach a shoreline near the Wisconsin river, which emptied it only a few hours, just before their busy summer season was supposed to begin. This year Lake Delton is back, and I've decided to use all my powers of internet promotion to get as many people as I can to go visit the Dells again, or for the first time. Links to all of the places mentioned are on the Lyrics page. [Note: I was not paid to endorse any of all of these real places mentioned in this song, but I'd gladly accept freebies from any of them, wink wink.] So whether you're there for the 150 years of history and natural beauty, or for the 200 waterslides and souvenir shops, a trip to the Wisconsin Dells will be a great time that will make you say, 'Yep, I can see why Luke Ski loves this place'. Background music by myself and Bob 'Clark W. Griswold' Emmett of Project Sisyphus, featuring chorus vocals by Carrie 'Are we there yet?' Dahlby. Cameo by Sara 'No, I will not elope to the Dells with you' Trice.
The Wisconsin Dells! I can’t even begin
To describe all of the awesomeness contained within.
It’s the Waterpark Capital of the nation.
It’ll flat-out rock you like a sandstone formation.
I’ll ride the Karts at Riverview Park,
Then cruise down Highway 12 and hit Noah’s Ark.
I’m the Big Kahuna, take the Plunge and then,
I’ll say “Lets do the Time Warp again!” and again!
It’s the tourist trap of the sesquicentury,
And I’ll sentimentally tell ya what it’s meant to me.
Old Fort Dells, we were grade school sentries.
Me and Sis, Mom and Dad, decades of memories.
Clownin’ around at Circus World in Baraboo.
No matter where you go, they always take care of you.
So I’m bringin’ all my friends to show ‘em what they got,
Before they col’ disappear, like the Wonder Spot!
"We're goin to the Dells! The Wisconsin Dells!",
From St. Paul to Chicago, everybody yells.
From the Upper to the Lower to the Downtown strip!
Each and every year, it's our favorite trip!
We're goin' to the Dells! Gonna have some fun.
200 water slides in the Midwest sun.
The Wisconsin Dells, I found a slice of Heaven,
Off of 90/94 on Exit 87!
Spend a weekend there, and you’ll never be sorry.
You can play the arcades, droppin’ quarters in Atari.
At Big Sky Drive-In your ceiling is starry.
Pirate’s Cove Mini Golf, where the staff is all “ARR!”-y.
I used visit reptiles at Serpent Safari,
Now I’m a Flowrider at the Kalahari.
I’m a Master Blaster jet slide disaster,
You know I’m never slower, I always scream “fasteeeeer!”
Ladies and gentlemen of every age go
To the Tommy Bartlett Ski, Sky, and Stage Show.
Water skiing stunts, they all know their role,
Singin’ songs like the Bailey’s Landing Troll. [Satchmo: “It’s a wonderful world!”]
I don’t drive a Prius or an SUV truck,
I bought an Original Wisconsin Duck.
Go wherever I want, over land and stream,
In my all-terrain, I reign supreme!
"We're goin to the Dells! The Wisconsin Dells!",
From St. Paul to Chicago, everybody yells.
From the Upper to the Lower to the Downtown strip!
Each and every year, it's our favorite trip!
We're goin to the Dells! Gonna have some fun.
200 water slides in the Midwest sun.
The Wisconsin Dells, paradise is mine,
Off of 90/94 on Exit 89!
Here I STAND and ROCK with the message I've told,
Before you leave for a Vacation from your friendly abode,
Be sure to heed the words of this Cheesehead ode,
When you’re heading down that Holiday Road!
To Wisconsin -
[Carrie & Luke singing chorus to the tune of “Holiday Road” by Lindsey Buckingham from the movie “Vacation”]
De-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ells! Wisconsin De-e-e-e-e-e-ells!
Everybody in the place to be, come on, come on!
Wisconsin De-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ells! Wisconsin De-e-e-e-e-e-ells!
Oh we're not done yet!
After Mount Olympus coasters loop-de-loop,
Lunch at the Moose Jaw, have some Beer Cheese Soup.
Then Robot World, do some robo-rabble-rousin'
So I can see what it's like "In the year Two-Thousand!"
The gamblers? Ho-Chunk is where they go,
Where maybe they'll win a (Win a? Win a!) WINNEBAGO!
All the gift shops? Hey, you know it's on.
The finest Cherokee souvenirs made in Taiwan.
I’m-a eat more cheese than a Glockenspiel mouse,
And at the House on the Rock, I’m gonna rock the house!
Crash at Carousel Inn, where the pool is so gnarly.
“We’ll go to Candy Mountain, Charlie!” [Charlie: “Ahh! My kidney!”]
My girl went to Extreme World, used the bungee grapple,
So we’ll get hitched at the Dells Bells Wedding Chapel!
[Girl: “WHAT?!”] ‘Sokay babe, we’re on our Honeymoon,
Singin’ Karaoke at the Showboat Saloon!
"We're goin to the Dells! The Wisconsin Dells!",
From St. Paul to Chicago, everybody yells.
From the Upper to the Lower to the Downtown strip!
Each and every year, it's our favorite trip!
We're goin to the Dells! Gonna have some fun.
200 water slides in the Midwest sun.
The Wisconsin Dells, you'll find Nirvana too,
Off of 90/94 on Exit 92!
"We're goin to the Dells! The Wisconsin Dells!",
From St. Paul to Chicago, everybody yells.
From the Upper to the Lower to the Downtown strip!
Each and every year, it's our favorite trip!
We're goin to the Dells! Gonna have some fun.
200 water slides in the Midwest sun.
The Wisconsin Dells, livin' live like a sultan.
When you're chillin' ON A BOAT, on the new Lake Delton!
We're goin to the Dells!
We're goin to the Dells! (continues to repeat)
The Wisconsin Dells! Hey, did we miss the breakfast buffet at Paul Bunyan's Cook Shanty? Well, then we can hit the Pizza Pub. Oh wait, here comes the dog part, that's my favorite part! It goes, "Arf arf, arf! Arf arf, arf! Arf arf, arf! Arf arf, arf!" (continues to repeat)
(fade out)
credits
from Too Much Stuff,
track released July 7, 2009
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
Background music by the great Luke Ski and Bob Emmett
Chorus vocals by Carrie Dahlby
Cameo by Sara Trice
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
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