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The FuMP - This Is What Happens When You Give Logan A Medley

from 4th Grade Talent Show by the great Luke Ski

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about

If you haven't heard of Logan Whitehurst, in short, he was a brilliant comedy musician who passed away in 2006 at age 29 having succumbed to a brain tumor. Dr. Demento called his album “Goodbye My 4-Track” the 'Sergeant Peppers' of comedy albums. In 2010, Rob Balder founded the Logan Whitehurst Memorial Awards for Excellence in Comedy Music in his memory to help celebrate the genre we call home. At the 3rd Annual Logan Awards ceremony at MarsCon 2013, the concert kicked off with a medley of Logan's most popular funny songs performed by Luke, Kyle, Ian, and Carrie. This track is the studio version of that medley, as performed by the Funny Music Project's biggest Logan Whitehurst fans (listed in order of appearance): the great Luke Ski, TV's Kyle, Insane Ian, ShoEboX of Worm Quartet, Austin Aeschliman of Smashy Claw, Tony Goldmark, Jace McClain of Nuclear Bubble Wrap, Devo Spice, Derwood Bowen, and Carrie Dahlby, with samples of Logan himself at the beginning and end of the medley. We at 'the FuMP dot com' hope you all enjoy this piece highlighting the lighter side of Logan Whitehurst's brilliant musical career, and encourage you to look up his discography online so you can get to know his music and love him as much as we do.

lyrics

This Is What Happens When You Give Logan A Medley
A medley of Logan Whitehurst’s most popular funny songs.
Lyrics & Music by Logan Whitehurst, arrangement by Bob Emmet, produced by Luke Ski
© Logan Whitehurst 2006
LOGAN SAMPLE:
A one, a two, a one, two, three...
LUKE:
This is what happens when you give Logan a 4-track.
He writes such stupid songs all the time at 1 o'clock in the morning.
He lies awake and thinks of lyrics that are stupid, really stupid.
Listen to these lyrics. Aren't they... stupid?
KYLE: LOW VOICE 1 (Buh-buh-oo):
IAN: LOW VOICE 2:
SHOEBOX: HIGH VOICE:
[simultaneous doo-wop:]
(Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo... ...Buh-buh-oo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo-dut, 'n doo-dut, 'n doo-dut-doo,
Doo...)
KYLE, AUSTIN, & SHOEBOX:
Out of the sea,
The snowman and me,
Or is it me and the snowman?
Bringing the sound
Straight to your town,
And now it's time for the show, man.
Who would ever believe that me
And the snowman, we
Could be best of friends,
Given the probabilities?
Still you see,
Here comes me and the snowman.
The snowman and me.
TONY:
Or maybe you've heard of some other famous acquaintances like,
Lizard and Fish. Oh, what a pair.
One lived underwater and the other breathed air.
On a shelf in a pet store on aisle thirteen,
Lizard and Fish would sit together and dream.
And Lizard said,
JACE: "Fish, how's the water today?"
TONY: And Fish said,
DEVO: (water gargling)
TONY: And Lizard said,
JACE: "Somehow, we'll both get away
And be a refugee lizard and fish."
SHOEBOX: What's your name?
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard.
SHOEBOX: What's your name?
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard.
SHOEBOX: What's your name?
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard.
SHOEBOX: Well I ain't never seen a beard with a name like Fred.
KYLE: I'm Fred the Beard. Yeah!
SHOEBOX & KYLE (FALSETTO):
Hello, Fred the Beard!
Hello, Fred the Beard!
AUSTIN & JACE: I just bought a calculator at the corner store.
DERWOOD: The corner store?
AUSTIN & JACE: Brought it home an hour later, added up the score.
DERWOOD: I added up the score!
AUSTIN & JACE: If you really love me darlin', count it up and see.
DERWOOD: Count it up and see!
AUSTIN & JACE: And we can solve our problems with some trigonometry.
AUSTIN, JACE, & DERWOOD:
The square of the sum of the hypotenuse
Of the radian times the denominator,
I love you.
LUKE, IAN, & DERWOOD:
Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle!
Happy Noodle versus sad, Sad Noodle!
TONY & DEVO:
Thinking on his feet, Sad Noodle used his head as a whip
And tried to trip Happy Noodle, but he slipped and he flipped
Face-first on the ground with a sound, like a
Wet noodle slapping the ground kind of sound. Then
Happy Noodle wrapped Sad Noodle up around a tree,
Said “See Sad Noodle, don't 'cha mess with me,
'Cause I be the baddest Noodle there will ever be!
...Because I'm-”
TONY, DEVO, LUKE, IAN, & DERWOOD:
Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle!
Happy Noodle versus sad, Sad Noodle!
AUSTIN & JACE:
O-H-M-Y-G-O-D-I-M-O-N-F-I-R-E!
IAN & AUSTIN: LEAD:
AUSTIN & TONY: BACK-UP VOCALS IN BOLD:
Do the confusion till your head falls off. (Head! Head! Head! Head!)
Gown you found at the dog pound.
Do the confusion till your head falls off. (Head! Head! Head! Head!)
Your head falls off. Your head falls off.
~~~[these 4 stanzas are done simultaneously over 4 measures:]~~~
AUSTIN:
Uhnn, you're a volcano! Uhnn, you're a volcano!
Uhnn, you're a volcano! Uhnn, T-E-C-T-O-N-I-C.
LUKE:
I like Pez. I like Pez. I like Pez. I like Pez.
I bought a t-shirt and the t-shirt says: I, like, Pez.
TONY:
Schweepies! Shweep, schweep, schweep-a-deep! Schweepies! Oh, I love the
Schweepies! I'm gonna steal your Schweepies! Shweep, schweep, schweep-a-deep! YOINK!
~~~---~~~
[big piano intro lead-in to female jazzy vocalist with piano]
CARRIE:
Monkeys make amore out in public,
Providing little children with a view.
LUKE, IAN, DERWOOD, & TONY:
INNOCENT LITTLE CHILDREN!
CARRIE:
They're lewd and they're indecent and there's nothing we can do.
TONY as ‘Son’: Daddy, why is your voice so feminine?
CARRIE:
Monkeys are bad people, and so are you!
TONY as ‘Son’: I’m gonna go feed the Goombas.
IAN, SHOEBOX, KYLE, & LUKE:
You can make huge coins materialize,
Shoot fireballs out of your hand.
You can grow 10 times your normal size.
That's what it's like in Japan.
There are big green pipes sticking out of the ground,
And bricks floating in the air.
There are mean little turtles walking all around.
That's what it's like when you're there.
SHOEBOX: The villain who wears no pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: He's evil and he wears no pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX: No pants.
LUKE & IAN: No pants!
SHOEBOX, LUKE, & IAN:
Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Get your pants on, get your pants on.
Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Everybody get your panty pants on.
LUKE & TONY:
My friends all said you've lost your head,
Now what are you trying to do?
You've been keeping your neighbors up all night,
Saying “What the Hell's a matter with you?”
This might sound mean, but your digging machine
Is gonna leave your feelings hurt.
You're gonna dig straight down to the center of the earth,
And find out that there's nothing there but dirt.
LUKE: Just dirt.
TONY: Just dirt?
LUKE: Yes dirt.
TONY: Yes dirt?
LUKE: Oh dirt.
TONY: Oh dirt?
LUKE: No women.
TONY: No women?
LUKE: Just dirt.
TONY: Aw man!
LUKE: Huh?!...
TONY: ...(bark!)
LUKE: (meow!)
KYLE: DIRT?!
AUSTIN: Put the cat.
SHOEBOX, JACE, & DERWOOD: Put the cat! Put the cat in the sink.
AUSTIN: Put the cat.
SHOEBOX, JACE, & DERWOOD: Put the cat! Put the cat in the sink.
DEVO: LEAD RAP LYRICS:
LUKE: HYPE-MAN LYRICS IN BOLD:
On Channel 27 at a quarter to three,
I saw the craziest thing that I ever did see.
No cash, no check, no C.O.D.,
So I called them with my credit card, quick as could be.
TONY: It's got a titanium
KYLE: cranium,
LUKE: chip in the brainium .
IAN: Pentium?
DEVO, TONY, KYLE, LUKE, & IAN: BEST REPRESENTIUM!
DEVO: The humans surrender and that'll be that! I'll say,
EVERYBODY: "Welcome to the planet of the Robot Cat!"
DEVO: LEAD RAP LYRICS:
EVERYBODY ELSE: RESPONSE LYRICS IN BOLD:
When I say “ro”, you say “bot”. Ro! Bot! Ro! Bot!
When I say “bot”, you say “cat”. Bot! Cat! Bot! Cat!
Word to the R to the O to the B to the O-T-C to the A to the T!
So when I say “robot”, you say “cat”. Robot! Cat! Robot! Cat!
~~~[these 5 stanzas are done simultaneously over 8 measures:]~~~
DEVO: LEAD RAP LYRICS:
KYLE: RESPONSE LYRICS IN BOLD:
When I say “ro”, you say “bot”. Ro! Bot! Ro! Bot!
When I say “bot”, you say “cat”. Bot! Cat! Bot! Cat!
Word to the R to the O to the B to the O-T-C to the A to the T!
So when I say “robot”, you say “cat”. Robot! Cat! Robot! Cat!
DERWOOD:
R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T!
R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T! R-O-B-O-T-C-A-T!
SHOEBOX: Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Get your pants on, get your pants on.
Everybody get your pants on, get your pants on,
Everybody get your panty pants on.
JACE: The square of the sum of the hypotenuse
Of the radian times the denominator, I love-
AUSTIN: O-H-M-Y-G-O-D-I-M-O-N-F-I-R-E!
TONY: Happy Noodle versus Sad Noodle!
Happy Noodle versus Sad, Sad Noodle!
IAN: Do the confusion till your head falls off.
Your head falls off. Your head falls off.
LUKE: My friends all said you've lost your head,
Now what are you trying to do?
You've been keeping your neighbors up all night,
Saying “What the Hell's a matter with you?”
This might sound mean, but your digging machine
Is gonna leave your feelings hurt.
You're gonna dig straight down to the center of the earth,
And find out that there's nothing there but-
~~~---~~~
EVERYBODY:
This is what happens when you give Logan a medley!
LUKE as ‘Announcer’: Brought to you by Farkle!
LOGAN SAMPLE:
[SFX: cannon fires, we hear John-John The Leprechaun do his signature yell]
EVERYBODY: Bowmp!

credits

from 4th Grade Talent Show, track released April 2, 2013
Lyrics by Logan Whitehurst
Produced by the great Luke Ski.
Music by Bob Emmet of Project Sisyphus and Thom Uliasz.
Final Mix by Austin Aeschliman.
(© Logan Whitehurst)

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about

the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.

The opinions expressed here are mine alone.
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