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about

Wayne Garmil, a.k.a. 'WildCard', is one of the head honchos of the 24-hour streaming comedy music internet audio channel Dementia Radio .org. During non-prime-time hours the station has a random cast playing a variety of comedy music, but in the evenings, DJs hop on the stream and do live shows, taking requests and talking to the fans. There have been dozens of DJs over the years, and many years they throw a room party at the convention MarsCon in the Twin Cities as a part of its comedy music track. WildCard has been a very generous benefactor, donating funds to host the room party, and to help MarsCon get some primo comedy music guests of honor over the past few years. When it came to writing a song about him, I just couldn't help but think that the nickname 'WildCard' seemed appropriate for a wild west desperado. And so I present to you a new tall tale for the ages.

lyrics

There was an old west town called Dementia Radio dot Org.
They had a lovely stream, a main street saloon, and a morgue.
When one day came a stranger, round his neck, a broken noose, it's
the infamous crazed DJ from Tewksbury, Massachusetts.

Down at the main street saloon, Sheriff Bill addressed the town.
He told them they were all the fastest disc jockeys around.
When suddenly in burst a man to discredit that claim.
The room fell silent, then Deputy Emi spoke his name...
His name is WildCard.
His name is WildCard.
His name is WildCard.
His name is WildCard.
WildCard!
(Hee-yah! {whip crack!})

Then Bill announced a bounty with a voice as loud as thunder.
“I'll give a sack of gold to who can put him six feet under!”
Whatever were his motives, we don't know and are remiss.
It's just the kind of thing that happens in a song like this.

The lawmen both said “What th-” but didn't end their articles,
'cuz Sheriff Bill and Deputy Emi were blasted into particles.
Trav and Kristi left the bar with plate glass window crashes.
When a gun was drawn by Phoenix, WildCard shot her into ashes.

Byron's last words were “This Fun Zone sure isn't a fun day.”
Got Tuesday with a shotgun, blew him clear back to last Monday.
Almighty Nate Boi then attacked with his rantin' and ravin'.
When Wildcard was all done with him, he threw him to a grave in.
(“What kind of grammar is that?” “Shuuuut up!”)

Next Madman, he went on the loose, with cover fire by Sin.
But WildCard just got him committed to the Looney Bin.
Megan and Moonbeam asked him “Would you like to have a three-way?”
Saw through their trick, and threw them in the well with a big “HIEI!”

That WildCard he broke all the man bones that were BreakMan Z's
The remains of Chris Mezzolesta looked just like cream cheese
Blaksmith took a horseshoe to the head and he was bummin'
Ironicly, Lady Omniscience never saw it comin'.

When the smoke had cleared, the sight was really something awful.
The only one he hadn't murdered was old man Chris Waffle.
With all the town deceased, he said to WildCard with such sadness,
“The was an all you can eat buffet of musical madness.”

They all snapped back to life when WildCard waved just like a wand.
“I obtained mystic powers from a Blindwulf from beyond.”
Said WildCard, “Grab that sack of gold, pack up and venture forth.
We're gonna start a wagon train and journey way up north...
...and go to MarsCon.
We'll go to MarsCon.
We'll go to MarsCon.
We'll go to MarsCon.
MarsCon!”
(“We're starting a Dementia Revolution!”)
(Hee-yah! {whip crack!})

The moral of this story, if this song has any point,
is if you walk in cocky, acting like you own the joint,
before you shout out “I'm the greatest DJ in the land!”,
just like a game of Poker, you best check, make sure your hand...
...don't have a WildCard.
His name is WildCard.
His name is WildCard.
His name is WildCard.
WILDCARD!!!
(Hee-yah! {whip crack!})

credits

from Because Of Bob: Luke Ski's Kickstarter FAWM album (songs I wrote about people for money), released March 7, 2014

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the great Luke Ski Burbank, California

"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .

Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.

The opinions expressed here are mine alone. ... more

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