Part 4 of a 5 part sketch in which famous cartoon characters compete against each other on the reality TV show "Survivor".
lyrics
Tribal Council
(SFX: A little more of whatever was used of the theme music, followed by the sound of a campfire burning, with maybe some jungle drums way off in the distance)
Jay Sherman: Welcome to Tribal Council. I know this week has been trying for you all, but at least we can all take solace in the fact that those of us whose shows were cancelled now have a chance to work again.
Professor Farnsworth: Oh, my, yes.
Jay: Word, yo.
Ren: You said it, pal.
Pinky: Narf!
Brak: Hello, my name is Brak!
Butt-head: Work sucks.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Stewie: My show got renewed, did you hear?
Bender: Yeah, shut up before I bend you in half!
Jay Sherman: Now, there was some drama and issues in the Hellaholio tribe this week. Hank, care to talk about it?
Hank Hill: Well, uh, ahem, there was a bit of an, uh, accident, and I thought Kenny had, uh, passed on. But the next morning, there he was, good as new. Heh. Quite a resilient young lad there.
Kenny: (muffled beyond comprehension: You’ll get used to it after a while.)
Jay Sherman: And of course, Butt-head brought up an issue.
Butt-head: Yeah! Where are all the chicks! Uh huh huh.
Beavis: Hehe hmm heh, Yeah! I wanna score with that chick from season two that everybody hated and then became a big whore and appeared on every other reality TV show ever made! Heh hmm heh!
Butt-head: Uh huh huh, I get her first, Beavis! Huh huh.
Beavis: No you don’t! She’s mine! Butthole!
(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)
Jay: Yeah, why don’t we get those producer guys to drop us a parachuted plane-load of hot honeys so’s we can all get our freak on, jungle style, nooch!
Mojo Jojo: Hey, having girls around all the time is *NOT* what it is cracked up to be! They interfere with your plans and give you large veterinarian bills!
Jay Sherman: During our Island Game-Hunting Challenge, our hunters with the top two largest amounts of game hunted and killed for sustenance, were Hank Hill and Stewie Griffin. How did each of you bring down so many free-range animals?
Hank Hill: Well you can thank the folks of the Arlen, Texas branch of the NRA for keeping guns in the hands of well trained intelligent Americans like me.
Stewie: My luxury item was a death ray. It only took me about five minutes to take out eight or nine indigenous endangered species. Quite tasty indeed.
Jay Sherman: Yes, they were. As your reward, you both get to see a televised message from your loved ones at home. Stewie, we’ll start with you.
(SFX: Turns TV on: All the people on TV sound like they’re on TV*)
*Brian: Hey Stewie, this is Brian. Uh, listen, will you tell Peter that just because that one guy was naked on Survivor all season that it doesn’t mean he has to remain naked for the entire run of this season?
*Peter: Hey little guy! Make your big fat naked daddy proud! He-he-he-he-he-he!
*Brian: Seriously. He went out for ice cream last night, and now the Mayor of Quahog has us under house arrest. And we’re out of toilet paper.
Beavis: I need T.P. for my bunghole! Heh hmm heh!
Stewie: Well that was anti-climactic and psychologically disturbing.
Jay Sherman: Now here’s your message from home, Hank.
Hank Hill: I sure hope Peggy is, bwaah!
*Dale: Hank! It’s Dale!
*Bill: Let me talk to him!
*Dale: Shut up Bill, this is too important! It’s all a sham! “Survivor” is nothing but a government funded mass hypnosis experiment to get Midwesterners to move to Borneo!
Hank Hill: Oh, god.
*Bill: Hi Hank! Look at me, I’m on T.V.! Don’t worry, I’m keeping an eye on Peggy for you!
Hank Hill: You stay the hell away from my wife, Bill!
*Dale: Don’t worry! I’ve hired a detective agency to get you out of there! They’re stowed away in the crates for next week’s food challenge!
Jay Sherman: What? Wait a minute, those food crates are right here!
(SFX: Sound of opening a crate)
Jay Sherman: HOTCHIE MOTCHIE!
Master Shake: All right, nobody move! Aqua Teen Hunger Force! Assemble!
Meatwad: Do we get to go to the beach now!
Master Shake: The beach is forbidden!
Frylock: Shake, you said we were going to the beach.
Master Shake: I say a lot of things, it doesn’t mean I have to do them.
Frylock: What’s going on Shake?
Master Shake: Look, I may have duped that redneck nutjob, Rusty Shackleford, into getting us on this island, but now that we are here, it is *WE* who shall be the alliance that wins the million dollar prize! And by we, I mean once it’s down to the final three, I’ll feed you two the alligators.
Meatwad: Will you buy me a new jam box?
Master Shake: Sure, I’ll place it on a candled altar I’ll erect in your honor, in my mind, because I don’t have the time to make such things.
Meatwad: Thank you Master Shake. You’re so good to me.
Frylock: Look, I’m sorry folks, we’ll just go down to the beach and swim and leave you to your show. NOW, Shake!
Master Shake: I am the leader! I say when we go to the beach!… Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to the beach, to become the million dollar surfing king of reality television. So long, suckers!
*Carl: Hey! You people out there! This is Carl on the TV monitor! Where the hell is that shake monster? He left me with a $700 bill from UPS! That son of bi-
Jay Sherman: Feh. Well while all that pointless banter was going on, I tallied the votes to see who will be the first cartoon character voted out on “Survivor: The Animated Series”. Here we go. The first vote, which suspiciously has orange cheesy poof dust on it, is for Kenny.
Kenny: (muffled beyond comprehension: What?!)
Cartman: Heh heh heh heh heh…
Jay Sherman: And… the other 15 votes were for Cartman.
Cartman: WHAT?!?!
Kenny: (muffled beyond comprehension: Ha ha ha ha ha!)
Cartman: You asshole Kenny, we had an alliance!
Kenny: (muffled beyond comprehension: Yeah, fuck you too!)
Cartman: You all voted against me?! Why?!
EVERYBODY ELSE: Cause you’re a big fat ass!
Cartman: Well I don’t need your stupid show anyway! I’m gonna go do “Big Brother: The Animated Series” with Clydefrog and Polly Prissypants! You god damn hippies!
Jay Sherman: Eric, bring your torch forward.
Cartman: No no no, screw you guys, I’m going home!
Jay Sherman: Cartman, the tribe has spo-
Cartman: No no no, screw you guys! Home!
Jay Sherman: Well that’s it for this week. Stay tuned, because coming up next is “The Simple Life: The Animated Series” starring Harley Quinn and Daria Morgendorfer.
credits
from unCONVENTIONal,
released August 18, 2005
Written, performed, and edited by the great Luke Ski
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
The opinions expressed here are mine alone....more
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