Part 1 of a 5 part sketch in which famous cartoon characters compete against each other on the reality TV show "Survivor".
lyrics
Jay Sherman:
(SFX: Sample of Survivor theme, or just some generic dramatic jungle music sample:)
Well, reality TV fanatics, it’s finally happened. The television industry has produced so many reality TV shows that there are no longer any actual real humans left who are not in some way already directly involved. Leaving CBS so desperate for new contestants that they turned over their biggest reality franchise to the world of the animated. And so here we stand, one island, thirty-nine days, three tribes, eighteen of the top cartoon stars of the past decade and a half, all competing for one million dollars. Outwit, Outplay, Out of their minds. This is, “Survivor: The Animated Series”. I’m your host, Jay Sherman. …The Critic.
Bongo Tribe
Jay Sherman: This week we begin at the camp of the Bongo Tribe. Their task at hand is to construct a device that will give them an advantage over the other two tribes.
(SFX: ambient beach and/or jungle sound effects in BG)
Comic Book Guy: C’mon, just do it once.
Bender: No.
Comic Book Guy: Please? You simply must!
Bender: I said no, meatbag!
Comic Book Guy: Just give me one, “Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!”
Bender: Hey! That is offensive to me and my people! You sir, are a rob-ist!
Comic Book Guy: Oh, stop being such a paranoid android!
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!… Oh no, here come the little kid and the quiet one.
Jay: Holy Snoogans! A giant talking bong!
Bender: For the last time, I am not a bong! …Or am I?…
(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)
Jay: Hell’s yeah you could be! I say we go into that forest over there, go snik snik snik, cut down all those sweet volcanic island ash buds, roll ‘em all up in these big ass palm tree leaves, and, have a big wahoo snoochie boochie Bender noochie! What do ya say, lunchbox?
Bender: Anyone from an animated series that lasted longer than six episodes, raise your hand!
Professor Farnsworth: Good news everyone! We’ve gotten a message in our little fake jungle mail box! It says we are to construct a device that will give us an advantage over the other two tribes!
Comic Book Guy: Well thank you so much for the update, mister exposition!
Professor Farnsworth: Well, let’s form a think tank and see what ideas we can come up with.
Professor Frink: Well the most logical course of action in creating such a device would be to not only include the local flora and fauna, with the trees and the bushes and the rocks and the birdies and the little bugs that bite you and give you the malaria which isn’t good… but to also utilize the luxury items that the producers of the show allowed us to bring, in conjuntion, mmhoy mmhoy.
Professor Farnsworth: Sounds like an excellent plan. Bender, what do you think?
Bender: I think this uncharted desert isle has one professor too many.
Professor Farnsworth: Well lets start with you, Professor Frink.
Professor Frink: Thank you, Professor Farnsworth. Anticipating this very predicament, my luxury item is my own invention called the “Luxury Item Island Usefullness Conjunction-atu-tron”!
(SFX: Classic computer sound effects)
Professor Frink: We simply enter the names of the luxury items we all have and it will get a readout of our surroundings and tell us exactly want we can build with said items.
Professor Farnsworth: That’s so stupid and preposterous that it’s brilliant and logical! You certainly live up to reputation in the annals of mad science!
Jay: (whispering) You hear that Silent Bob? He said ‘anals’! They’re so totally gay for each other.
Prfoessor Frink: Thank you, sir. So what may I ask is your luxury item?
Professor Farnsworth: Eh-who-wha? Well, uh, I can’t seem to recall at the moment. I’m sure it will come to me. Bender, what is your luxury item?
Bender: Are you kidding? I *AM* a luxury item, baby!
(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)
Jay: I brought a lighter I stole from the Quick Stop, so’s my hetero-life-mate Silent Bob here can light up his smokes, which were his luxury item. By the way, I am so totally not gay. But Silent Bob here, is way totally super gay. Just wanted all you gay-rods to know that. Nooch.
Comic Book Guy: My luxury item is a mint- condition-in-bag issue of the comic book “Bluntman and Chronic, Number One”. And now, if Jay and Silent Bob would be so kind as to autograph it, I can sell it on E-bay upon my return home. I’m sure many a nerd will pay highly for this item. By the way, I must say Silent Bob I enjoyed your unused screenplay of “Superman Lives”, although I feel mine was more accurate to the original graphic novel adaptation. Could you please pass it along to Warner Brothers Studio for me?
(SFX: Whenever Jay makes speeches, a rap beat is heard at mid-volume in the background)
Jay: Yo, why don’t you shut the hell up and leave my man alone? You’re even more tubby *AND* gay than he is! Can’t you see he’s using his awesome Jedi mind powers to build us a death star out of sticks and leaves and crap so’s we can blow those other tribes up like those little bitches on Alderaan? Like wooooo, JEDI! Vwing! Snikity, vwing, nooch! (etc.)
Professor Frink: That’s not how you do it! It’s like Vwwiiing, vwiiing! Vwiiing!… (etc.)
Comic Book Guy: *sigh* That is the worst pretend light sabre fight ever! I will show you how it’s done back on Couruscant, posers! Shooom! Shoom! (etc.)
Professor Farnsworth: Oh yes! I remember now! My luxury item is right here in my inner coat pocket!
(SFX: light sabre being turned on, followed by light sabre attack noises)
Professor Farnsworth: Say hello to the 31st century, rebel scum! Take that! (etc.)
Comic Book Guy: C’mon C-3PO! Help us save the Princess!
Bender: You’re all losers.
credits
from unCONVENTIONal,
released August 18, 2005
Written, performed, and edited by the great Luke Ski
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
The opinions expressed here are mine alone....more
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