This is a sketch about last week's #1 movie at the box office. I'd warn you by saying 'Spoiler Alert', but I have a feeling most of our regular patrons here at the FuMP dot com have no intention of seeing it anyway.
According to Wikipedia, the powers that be behind the remake of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" had no intention of including the line "Klaatu Barada Nikto" in the film, but on the insistance of Keanu Reeves, a big fan of the 1951 original, the line was included. It's Klaatu's first line of dialogue in the film, however it's so garbled by a ton of audio effects gobbledegook that I didn't even know that's what was being said. I had to go home and do some Google searches to find out if it was even in the film at all, as it was promised by the stars on the Late Night talk shows. So, since Keanu made a good faith effort to make sure the line was included in the remake, we should probably cut the guy some slack this time around...
...Yeah, right.
There are some things in the world that I will never tire of. Picking on the acting style of Keanu Reeves is one of these things. If you're out there Keanu, sorry, but it had to be done. In reality, I'm a fan of many of your films, and if you get together with Alex Winter and make "Bill and Ted 3", I promise I'll never make fun of you again.
Director: All right Keanu, we're about to film the climactic scene at the end of our remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic, "The Day The Earth Stood Still". You are the alien Klaatu, sent to destroy mankind with your giant robot Gort, who has transformed into trillions of microscopic robots which are destroying all humans and everything man-made. But you've had a change of heart, and you've fought through the cloud of killer nanites to reach your big glowing spaceship orb, so you can reach up and touch it and speak the command that will deactivate Gort and save humanity, "Klaatu Barada Nikto". Have you got all that?
Keanu: Yes. …Wait, what?
Director: Close enough.
Keanu: Where's all that stuff you were just talking about? All I see is this huge green wall.
Director: It's special effects, we're going to add it in later.
Keanu: Whoa.
Director: Okay, rolling!
Marker: Quiet on the set!
Director: Speed! Marker!
Marker: "The Day the Earth Stood Still" remake, scene 185.
Director: And, action!
Keanu: Klaatu Barada Neo.
Director: No, wrong movie Keanu. The last word is Nikto.
Keanu: Oh, right.
Director: Keep rolling, action.
Keanu: Klaatu Barada Nicotine.
Director: No, try again.
Keanu: Klaatu Barada Nicaragua.
Director: No.
Keanu: Klaatu Barada Nicholson.
Director: No.
Keanu: Klaatu Barada Nickelodeon.
Director: No.
Keanu: That reminds me, is it time for Spongebob yet?
Director: Not until you say the line right, dingus. Keep rolling, action.
Keanu: Klaatu Barada Necktie.
Director: No.
Keanu: Neckturn.
Director: No.
Keanu: Nickle.
Director: No.
Keanu: Noodle?
Director: No.
Keanu: It's an N-word, it's definitely an N-word.
Director: Look, repeat after me. Nick!
Keanu: Nick!
Director: Toe!
Keanu: Toe!
Director: Nikto!
Keanu: Nikto!
Director: Is good, yes?
Keanu: Is good, yes?
Director: NO!
Keanu: No?
Director: Nikto!
Keanu: Nikto!
Director: Nikto!
Keanu: Nikto!
Director: Nikto! You got it? Nikto!
Keanu: Nikto! Yes, nikto!
Director: Okay, action!
Keanu: Klaatu Banana Nikto!
Director: NO!
Keanu: Klaatu Bacon Nikto!
Director: NO!
Keanu: Klaatu Barack Obama!
Director: Stop it!
Keanu: Klaatu John McCain?
Director: No! It's Klaatu Barada Nikto!
Keanu: Cuckoo Bahama Leno!
Director: Klaatu Barada Nikto!
Keanu: Sawtooth Ivana Sideshow!
Director: Klaatu Barada Nikto!
Keanu: Yahoo Nirvana Backhoe!
Director: Klaatu Barada Nikto!
Keanu: Charles Nelson Reilly!
Director: CUT!!! That's a wrap! I'm not filming anymore! Turn the cameras off! I'm done with this!
Marker: But sir, what are we supposed to do about the big climactic scene?
Director: Have the special effects code monkeys show him getting disintegrated as soon as he touches the orb! I don't care!
Marker: But sir, movie buffs have been waiting 57 years for this moment.
Keanu: Yeah, the fans will be pissed if they don't hear "Klaatu Barada Nikto".
Director: AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHH!!!
Marker: Oh dear. Looks like he's having another episode.
Keanu: Yeah, all my directors seem to have them. Better put something in his mouth so he doesn't swallow his tongue. Can you hand me a spoon?
Marker: Keanu, there is no spoon.
Keanu: Bogus.
Marker: All right, that's lunch people, let's go.
Keanu: Hey, boss, look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah. Can I go watch Spongebob now? You know, he lives in a pineapple under the sea. And like, me he's totally not gay.
credits
from Too Much Stuff,
track released December 26, 2008
Written, performed, and edited by the great Luke Ski
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
The opinions expressed here are mine alone....more
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