I’d Buy That For A Dollar!
by Scooter Picnic & the great Luke Ski, featuring Lindsay Smith

[Bum: Hey Mister! Change? Ya Got Change?
George: Oh, um, sure.
Bum: 85, 95, one dollar! Thanks, Mister!]

Kyle:
I woke up on the right side of the bed today.
Looks like everything's gonna go my way!
I got to the table, there was sushi for breakfast.
I thought it was unusual but I ain't gonna question this.
Nintendo says there's a new Donkey Kong game
and they sent me a copy to confirm it's not lame.
I thought I'd take a walk so I stepped outside
Chocolate chip cookies were just pouring from the sky
I turned on my iPod and what did I see
but a new Spinto Band album loaded up for me
Just when I thought it could't get any better
A girl walked up to me, and she was filling that sweater
She said "Hi, I'm from Hogwarts and I'm proud to announce
You're accepted into Ravenclaw. Y'wanna see me bounce?
I'm not just gonna say yes, I'm gonna holler:
I'd buy that for a dollar!

All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Kyle: Oh, what's that? I'm the 100th caller?
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Bixby Snyder: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Ian:
Let me tell you 'bout the best day I ever knew.
Won all the money in my Gamestop suit.
I went online and straight to YouTube,
And saw the "DiG DuG" video had 13 billion views.
I opened up my email and what did I see?
A treasure map to find all those copies of E.T.
For 2600 that were buried in the desert
On top was a note, and I'll read you this excerpt
"You've found the lost games, now bring them to me"
The note was signed by Christina Ricci
It had an address and plane ticket attached
It didn't take long for that plan to be hatched
I hopped on a flight, I arrived at her home
She was wearing a bikini and she handed me some scones
She gave me her number and told me to call her.
Well, I'd buy that for a dollar!

All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Ian: Do you need change? I don't have anything smaller.
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Ned's Newt: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Lindsay:
It’s the best day, I got a cake made of carrots
made for my by a flock of baby parrots!
They’re my wee, chubby minions and I’m proud to say
that the clever little birds arranged a cheese parade!
It’s lead by all the pretty Tokusatsu boys,
who are taken aback by my charm and poise.
But I’ve gotta leave before it gets to tawdry,
‘cause at 8 o’clock tonight, I play the part of Audrey
in Little Shop of Horrors, my favorite play!
And I am only just one day away
from grabbing Carey Elwes and some coffee in a flagon
and hopping aboard my rocket-powered dragon!
Gonna visit all my friends who live at a distance
and give the brand new Tally Hall album a listen!
I’m not just gonna chuckle, I’m gonna loller—
I’d buy that for a dollar!

Ladies: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Lindsay: Got Lentil by my side in his cape and collar!
Ladies: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Erin Robinson: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Luke:
I can out-Mary-Sue the three of you two,
Because today I won Monopoly while I was playing Clue.
I got the one-percenters to give teachers their salaries,
And made anti-matter bacon that's negative calories.
Went back in time and stopped the Boston Massacre
With the aid of my real working flux capacitor.
Groped Lindsay Logan when I made a pass at her. [cell phone ring]
[phone voice: Luke, I need your help!] Sure thing, John Lassetter,
I'll do the lead voice in the next Pixar flick,
But only if you bring back "The Muppet Show" quick,
And greenlight that Roger Rabbit sequel while you're at it.
[phone voice: You'll have it, dag nabbit! ] My new car is an AT-AT.
So be sure to say 'Hi' when my tour comes to town.
It's me, the Fat Boys, and Digital Underground.
Humpty says, [Humpty: Yo, Luke Ski, it's time to bust a rhyme.]
So I gave him 3 quarters, 3 nickels, and a dime, ‘cause,

All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
Luke: Anything less would be putrid squalor!
All: I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
I'd buy that for a dollar! A dollar!
[Bixby Snyder & Ned's Newt: "I'd buy that for a dollar!"]

Kyle: I'd like to state for the record that our girlfriends / wives / whatever Carrie is, uh, were at present for all the, uh, previously stated debauchery. Uh, right fellas?
(speaking over each other:) Kyle: Yeah? Mm hmm? Yes. Yes sir.
(speaking over each other:) Ian: Yes, absolutely. Obviously. Indeed.
(speaking over each other:) Luke: Oh, of course, I mean, naturally. Uh,
Luke: Sara was fine with it, but Carrie disapproved.
Kyle: That's because she's dainty.
Ian: Extremely dainty.
Carrie: SHUT UP, IAN!
Ian: Don't you think that joke has run its course?
Everyone else: NO.
Ian: I hate you guy-[*record scratch sound effect*]

Lindsay: Guys? Guys? Fine jerks, I'm going to go play Tomodachi Life.