The 12th full length comedy music album by 'the great Luke Ski' features his Logan Award winning parody about struggling to lose weight, "Candybars". He also pays tribute to "The Mandalorian", the women of "Star Wars", "The Twilight Zone", "Supergirl", "The Flash", "Adventure Time", and greatest animated series in the history of Cartoon Network, "Mighty Magiswords" (on which Luke was a storyboard artist, writer, voice actor, and songwriter for 3 years).
As the title implies, many of the tracks on this album are very specifically about what has been going on in Luke's life during the 8-and-a-half years that have passed since his last album. The best of times (living the animation life, and making songs for the FuMP dot com and running the MarsCon Comedy Music Track) and the worst of times (trying to make a living in the gig economy, navigating being single again in the 2020s, and the skin-melting heat of southern California).
And as a continuation from his previous album "4th Grade Talent Show" there are 7 new "Dumb Parody Ideas" tracks for you to enjoy / be reviled by. In any case, as Paul Sabourin put it during the "Paul & Storm" concert at FuMPFeST 2016, it's all "Needlessly Meta".
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This song, a parody of "Handlebars" by the Flobots, is about my struggles with weight loss, or more to the point, my lack thereof due to my insufficient willpower when it comes to changing my behavior to positively effect my health and negatively effect the number that appears when I step on the scale. After debuting this at MarsCon, many people told me they could relate to the song and appreciated its message. Whether you fall into that category or not, I hope you all enjoy the song.
lyrics
I can live my life with no candybars.
No candybars. No candybars.
I can live my life with no candybars.
No candybars. No candybars.
Look at me, look at me.
Scale’s showin’ two-hundred-sixty-three
pounds. And it’s not surprising
‘cause I like the sammiches at Potbelly.
I can eat a dozen oreos.
I can eat a double Quarter Pounder.
I can eat a family bag of Doritos.
And I can get depressed because I’m getting rounder.
I can drink a gallon of chocolate Quik.
I can nom Ramen with a choppy-stick.
I can carve a Tombstone Pepperoni.
And eat at Arby’s and not be sick.
Breakfast Links made from tofu gook.
Mrs. Grass’ Soup I like to cook.
All these habits must be shook.
I’ll have bacon once and awhile, but, look
I can have a modicum of self-control.
Of self-control. Of self-control.
And I can have some iceberg in a salad bowl,
Not a casserole, made of pizza rolls.
Look at me, look at me.
I just did a round of therapy.
I’m fine, just stay on my meds
And make changes incrementally.
I can walk to work, not drive my Nissan.
Take supplements from my pharmacy.
I can read that book by Nerdist, he’s on
TV, think his name’s Chris Hardbody.
I can make a diet Pinterest gallery.
I can count every point and calorie, eat squash,
go to meetings at Weight Watchers
and give them a big chunk of my salary.
Invest in a health club, shake my assets.
Maybe sign up for pole dancing classes,
Yoga, or Pilates or some new contortion.
I will not blow this diet out of a portion.
‘Cause I can eat a lima not a jellybean.
Not a jellybean. Not a jellybean.
And I don’t have to bow down to the Dairy Queen,
Or to Krispy Kreme, or the KFC.
(spoken:)
Okay so, a 15 ounce can of Skyline Chili, how many points is this? One serving is 250 calories, each can is 2 servings, so 500 calories, Multiply that by .0303, that’s 15.15. 2 grams of sugar, multiply by .1212, that’s .2424. 12 grams of saturated fat, multiply by .2727, that’s 3.27-aaahhh! It’s bad enough being on a diet, WHY DO I HAVE TO DO MATH?!?!?!
Where’s the beef?! Where’s the beef?!
Right up here in my mouth!
And I will smother and cover every
Waffle House in the south!
My El Pollo is Loco! My milk is Nestle!
My Rocky’s Roccoco! My breadsticks are free!
I can be the king of mastication!
Tanker truck of Coke is my hydration!
Order all Chipotle combination!
Red Lobster? 101 Crustaceans!
I used to think that I could be a sleek guy,
Now I really don’t care!
And I’m gonna eat all the things they deep fry
At the Wisconsin State Fair
Because a fair is a veritable smorgasbord!
A smorgasbord! A smorgasbord!
The side dish for my T-bone is a side of pork!
Screw the salad fork! Eat just like an orc!
And I’ll consume a metric ton of Häagen-Dazs!
Of Häagen-Dazs! Of Häagen-Dazs!
Of Häagen-Dazs! Of Häagen-Dazs!
Of Häagen-Dazs!
I can live my life with no candybars.
No candybars. No candybars.
I can live my life with no candybars.
No candybars. No candybars.
credits
from Needlessly Meta,
track released April 18, 2017
Music & mixing by Jeff Dutton (Bonecage)
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
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