Just over year ago I had a choice to make: Which TV show should my January FuMP song be about, "Lost" or "24"? I ended up choosing the show that decided not to have a season at all in the year 2008 following the writer's strike. So much for being topical. I guess the island was mad at me, and was punishing me for my lack of faith. This song features Jared Ringold of Possible Oscar on drums, Bob Emmett of Project Sisyphus providing the rest of the music and mixing, and Carrie Dahlby with background vocals, arranging, and coaching, culminating in the ginchiest clam bake this side of the Orchid station. It also features Josh Rasey as Dr. Jack Shepard, George Macas Jr. as 'Some Guy', Matt Duhan as Hurley, the rest of Economy Class Glee Club: Sara Trice, Ken Sherlock, Ellen Macas, Michael and Ian Nixon, Tim and Margie Winslow, Pete Wenglowsky, and Caroll 'Mom Ski' Pearson.
Captain: This is your captain. I want to thank you for flying Oceanic Flight 815. …Oh, looks like we may have a little turbulence here, so please return to your seats …because it looks like we're heading for a WIPEOUT!!! Aahahahahahaaa!!!
Dr. Jack Shepherd: Hey! Don't stand in front of that giant spinning jet engine! You'll get sucked in!
Some Guy: I can't hear you! I'm standing in front of a giant spinning jet engine, and I'm being sucked in! Waaah!
Hurley: Dude!
Somewhere in the middle of the South Pacific
There's an island whose location is non-specific
Where several dozen passengers of Oceanic
Flight 815 crashed like the Titanic.
They are hiding from a smoggy beast that's quite horrific
In a bunker with a scientific hieroglyphic,
But Ben is sayin' come on babies, don't you panic,
Cause I'm gonna be your very own satanic mechanic.
Doctor Jack will be their leader, and will help them all survive.
Now he's taking care of much more than a Party Of Five,
And he'll get them off the island, no matter what the cost.
At least that's what he tells himself, for now just like your luggage, they're –
LOST! (Lost, lost, lost)
Everybody get LOST! (Lost, lost, lost)
The Others accost, (cost, cost, cost)
While Desmond gets sauced! (sauced, sauced, sauced)
There's a newborn boy named Aaron, and that baby is Claire's,
Now the Aussie kid can play with all the local polar bears, who are LOST!
Now Kate was on the run, could really use a lawyer.
(A-doo-run, run, on the run, she do)
She don't know if she loves Jack or loves that con man Sawyer.
(Today's con, Sawyer, he gets high on you)
When they need explosives, Sayid knows just how to bomb it.
(He'll napalm it, until they all vomit)
And poor Charlie never really kicked his heroin hobbit.
(Kick the hobbit, furry-footed hobbit)
It appeals to the mundanes, it appeals to the geeks,
Like the movie Castaway starring the cast of Twin Peaks.
And will Michael be forgiven by the friends he double-crossed?
His son Walt made it home, but his dog just like the rest of us are –
LOST! (Lost, lost, lost)
Not everybody gets LOST! (Lost, lost, lost)
Jin and Sun are star-crossed, (crossed, crossed, crossed)
'Cause her Dad's a mob boss. (boss, boss, boss)
There's no Blu-ray discs or iPhones, no, not even an Atari,
Just that crazy frog Rousseau, who is also a Minbari, who's LOST!
…Waaaaaa!!!
Dr. Pierre Chang: Hello, I'm Dr. Marvin Candle. Welcome to this DHARMA Initiative drum solo. Your job is to dance the dance of your choice, be it the Twist, Watusi, or Bad Robot. Our psychologists will take notes on you, and then pick new contestants for ABC's Dancing With The Stars. Namaste!
Everybody say FOUR! (FOUR!)
EIGHT! (EIGHT!)
FIFTEEN! (FIFTEEN!)
SIXTEEN! (SIXTEEN!)
TWENTY-THREE! (TWENTY-THREE!)
FORTY-TWO! (FORTY-TWO!)
Go ahead and punch the button, it'll send you 'round the bend.
In a-hundred-'n-eight minutes we can do it all again!
(YAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!)
John Locke had a failed relationship with Peggy Bundy,
(didn't have a wife, a pathetic life)
But on the island he's a bad-ass Crocodile Dundee.
(that's not a knife, this is a knife)
He can build a trap or bassinette with no screwdriver,
(he can detach, latch, and attach)
And he'd win a million bucks if he was on Survivor.
(he found a hatch, but not Richard Hatch)
Yeah the Hanso Corporation will be working every angle.
It's like Lord of the Flies in the Bermuda Triangle.
After Hurley won the lottery, his cash was albatrossed.
Now he's chillin' on the beach where no one notices the weight he ain't –
LOST! (Lost, lost, lost)
Everybody get LOST! (Lost, lost, lost)
Ben's own holocaust (caust, caust, caust)
DHARMA bodies were tossed (tossed, tossed, tossed)
The Oceanic Six is in a Hell that's all their own.
It's like Gilligan's Island in the Twilight Zone.
Is it faith or is it science, or coincidence or fate?
If it happens during sweeps, who cares, the ratings will be great.
Thanks to that guy J.J. Abrams, every week the fans will cringe.
Is that monster Cloverfield, or are they living on the Fringe?
And I better wrap this up because it's gone on far too long,
Or I just might flashback to a completely different song, and get –
LOST!!!
credits
from Too Much Stuff,
track released January 20, 2009
Lyrics & vocals by the great Luke Ski
Drums by Jared Ringold
Rest of the Music & mixing by Bob Emmett
Background vocals, arranging, & coaching by Carrie Dahlby
Josh Rasey as Dr. Jack Shepard
George Macas Jr. as 'Some Guy'
Matt Duhan as Hurley
OCeanic passengers: Sara Trice, Ken Sherlock, Ellen Macas, Michael and Ian Nixon, Tim and Margie Winslow, Pete Wenglowsky, and Caroll 'Mom Ski' Pearson
"the great Luke Ski" is The Dr. Demento Show's most requested artist of the 21st Century. His parodies and original songs
about pop-culture have made him a favorite performer at fandom conventions all across the country. Founding member of The Funny Music Project, aka 'the FuMP' .com .
Luke Ski is an animation Storyboarder, Writer, & Voice-Over Actor.
The opinions expressed here are mine alone....more
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